


When It's All Over

by clownsteeth



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-02-17 16:05:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 62,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13080420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clownsteeth/pseuds/clownsteeth
Summary: It's eighth year at Hogwarts, most of the seventh year students returned to Hogwarts to finish their education, and others just to relish in the last moments of school before getting tossed out into the real world. And one, just one, decided to come back because he felt like he was missing something. He was missing something he didn't have before, and it left an aching hole inside him. Of course, this hole was somehow filled with liquid silver and gentle repairs. It's their last year before leaving their temporary home for the very last time.





	1. An explanation

**Author's Note:**

> My first proper drarry, I hope you enjoy it!

Their last year at Hogwarts was one to remember. Friendships formed, mended, and destroyed. Families mourning over their loved ones, a whole new array of staff members. Most students came back to finish up their N.E.W.T.s, like Hermione, who was determined to finish her education properly. Some came back to be around their friends for one last year, away from their family before having to go out on their own, like Ron.

But one, he came back because he felt like he needed to be there. He'd protected the school for seven years, what was one more? His friends were somewhat standoffish, and most of his teachers scoffed at his arrival, as they all thought he didn't need it. He was already offered a position as an Auror, even without the needed requirements. Regardless if he failed his N.E.W.T.s or not, the option was there.

He came back because he felt like he was missing something he didn't have in his previous years. It left a hole in his chest, one longing to be filled, by anyone, anything. And Harry felt as though he could find that here, in this final year. Of course, he could, he did. It was filled with deep silver eyes, gentle hands stitching him back together. But stitches don't last forever, and neither to people. So in this last year, Harry threw caution to the wind and let this person be there for him. He let him ruin him, and he let him love him.


	2. Nighttime walks

Harry almost felt coming back was a bad idea the moment he set foot in the school. After seeing the war and all the damage that had caused, he soon felt like he should stay away from here. He should keep them safe that way. But he also felt like he needed to come back, or like he was missing something... something he didn't have before. He figured it was the sure promise of safety, he'd never had that in years past. The chance to allow himself be Harry and not have a target above his head, or a sign saying he was destined to save the world was relieving. He already had, he was done with that now. 

Of course, he was still treated as such. He knew, to an extent, he always would be. He would always have someone running up to him, asking him if he was Harry Potter. Asking him if he was the boy who defeated the Dark Lord. And he'd have to reply with a simple nod, rushing off in the other direction in hopes no one else would say anything. It had become a near-daily occurrence. He understood he was somewhat of a celebrity in the wizarding world, of course. But he didn't want that, he never wanted that, he always wanted to be another ordinary wizard.

On top of that, every time he saw someone there was a chorus of "how are you?"s, and "are you doing okay?"s. And, quite frankly, Harry was sick of it. What did they expect? An assurance or the brutal truth? Of course, he wasn't doing okay. He had gone through a war. The school grounds had been littered with dead bodies, he watched friends die. He felt the blood from other's caked to his skin. He had nightmares, but that was about the height of it. Nightmares that made him wake up crying, or in the middle of a panic attack, usually both. But no, he was doing peachy, thanks for asking.

His friends thought he should just take up the offer to be an Auror now instead of going through another year at Hogwarts. And at first, Harry was quick to agree. He thought going back to school to finish his N.E.W.T.s was too much work. Maybe dealing with being an Auror so soon after the war wasn't such a wonderful idea, either. So he chose to go back to school, even though a part of him still wished he didn't have to. At least, not with the offer he had waving in his face. Truthfully, he would much rather take a year to himself instead of worrying about school, or Auror training. But of course, he couldn't allow himself do that. Well, he probably could, but he wasn't going to try that.

McGonagall was the new headmaster, much to the trio's delight. They sat at a new table on the side of the room, next to the Slytherin table, along with the other eighth years. There were quite a few familiar faces, to Harry's surprise. He watched the sorting hat sort the students in the houses with a smile on his face. He could see their nervousness. He could see one girl's fear as she sat up there for nearly seven minutes. The hat wasn't sure where to put her, Hufflepuff or Gryffindor. The hat finally decided the former, and she ran off to join the Hufflepuff table.

The Headmistress went on to explain how the eighth years were sharing a dorm since their houses couldn't fit any more people and there weren't enough students to split them up into a dorm for each respective house. Harry didn't mind. He was drifting in and out of sleep at the table anyway, he wasn't paying enough attention for a detailed account of all this. He had slept on the train for about ten minutes before he shot awake in a cold sweat, breathing heavily as another nightmare invaded his conscious.

"Harry, were you paying attention at all? You're going the wrong way," Hermione informed him, grabbing his shoulder and gently leading him in the right direction. Harry shook his head. He hadn't slept well since the war, and he hadn't had more than two hours of sleep every night for the past couple weeks, making him more exhausted than he usually was. He was stressed about school, that's what he told anyone when he asked. In reality, he was just stressed with everything around him. School was definitely a source of that, but not the main one.

"Mate, you good?" Harry turned to look at Ron, who was looking over at him with concern. He nodded mindlessly and followed his friend into the boy's dorms. Or at least, what he assumed to be the boy's dorms. He really should've paid more attention to McGonagall while she was explaining where everything was. He sat on the bed that had his trunk on the bottom and looked at the other three beds in the room.

"I thought it was two people to a room?" Harry questioned. Ron looked back at him, let out an exasperated sigh and shook his head. "Four people to a room?" This time he nodded and threw a piece of paper in Harry's direction. He flipped it over and read the other two names on the list. "Draco and Blaise? Oh, lovely! They'll love to laugh when I wake up from a nightmare, of course, it had to be them." Harry folded up the paper and tossed it back in Ron's direction.

"If you put a silencing charm on your bed, and with the curtains drawn around it, they'll never know," Ron said.

"Thank you for being my friend," Harry breathed. Ron pursed his lips, turned upward, in an almost mocking smile. "Where are they?" Harry wondered, looking around the room. He was now taking notice of the green and silver engulfing the other two beds. Of course, and the trunk at the foot of the bed next to his read Malfoy. Isn't his family rich enough to buy the prat his own dorm?

Not a moment later, the other two waltzed into the room, proud smiles on their faces. "Leave us alone and we'll have no trouble," Malfoy announced. Harry whispered to Ron about how that would be no problem, and he nodded in agreement. Harry grabbed his pajamas and pulled the curtains shut harshly, changing his clothes before tucking his robes under his pillow. He didn't want to deal with them again, and he was struggling to stay awake as it was. He set a silencing charm on his bed like Ron and suggested, and fell asleep the second his head hit the soft pillow.

It was a dreamless sleep for about four hours, until right after midnight when he woke up breathing heavily, his whole body practically drenched in sweat. He left the dorms, and then the common room. Even at the start of September, Hogwarts was still cool, which made it nice from his sweltering bed. He realized that the eighth year dorms were near the dungeons, which made it even colder than his old Gryffindor dorms back in the tower.

"What are you doing out of bed." Merlin, Harry would recognize that cruel voice anywhere. His blood froze as he looked behind him, meeting the cruel eyes of Malfoy. Not much had changed after the war, not with Malfoy, that is. His father was in Azkaban while his mother tended to Malfoy Manor alone with the house elves. "Well?" Harry didn't reply, he decided to ignore him and kept walking. He heard Malfoy's footsteps following him before they fell into step next to him. "I'd love to know what keeps the brave Gryffindor up at night," he mused.

"I thought you told Ron and I to leave you alone, isn't that what you want?" Harry bit, coming to a stop so he could turn and look at Malfoy, who simply shrugged at the question. "Listen Malfoy, I just need to clear my head, so if you'd do the honor of leaving me alone, that would be lovely, thanks." He took off walking again, but Malfoy didn't leave him alone, he kept following him. 

"What's your problem?"

"Nightmares, is that it?" Harry hesitated with the question. He didn't need to tell Malfoy that, he didn't owe him an explanation. "I get them too, you know. If that's it." Harry spun around to look at Malfoy. His face was void of any emotion as it usually was, but that didn't stop Harry from gaping at him. He wondered why the hell he had admitted that.

"Yeah," Harry finally confirmed. "Nightmares." Malfoy nodded once and said no more. So, they continued walking the castle together in silence, side by side, sharing the warmth of the other. Harry was beyond confused. Why was the Slytherin was so eager on following him? Or why he had outright told Harry he was having nightmares? Why he trusted him enough for information like that? He was confused with himself about why he let Malfoy know he had them too. That was information he didn't need to give him.

"We should head back," Malfoy suggested. They had wandered the halls for at least two hours at this point. Harry turned to look at him, slightly surprised to see how tired he looked. Harry nodded and turned around, the blond still close behind him. "Why'd you come back? To Hogwarts, I mean."

"What's it to you?" He snapped. Malfoy shrugged, appearing to be unphased by Harry's harsh tone. "Alright, why did you come back?"

"Didn't wanna be home," He muttered. "I didn't want to face my mother or listen to her crying at night because my father is in Azkaban." Harry's throat felt like it had closed up, preventing any words from coming out. "I don't... feel at home there anymore, not like I do here. Didn't Kingsley Shacklebolt offer you a position as an Auror?" He nodded. "Why didn't you take it?"

"I felt like it would be a bad idea. Fighting and hunting down Death Eaters so soon after the war didn't seem like a good idea. Coming to school didn't either, but I felt like I needed to. I wanted to leave and go to America and take a year to me, but I knew that wouldn't go down very well with the Ministry or any of my friends. Or the Weasleys, or anyone, really," Harry admitted.

"You should've," Malfoy told him. "Who gives a shit what they think, it's not their life, it's yours, and you're in control of it. It's not too late you know. You can leave a note and take off tomorrow, go to America for a year, take a year to you. If that's what you want, I say do it." Harry didn't respond, but he did analyze Malfoy's words. He didn't have a harsh tone to his voice, He didn't seem to sound... devious. It sounded like it did when he was talking to his friends. "Trust me. Letting other people control your life doesn't get you anywhere. I speak from experience."

"I'll think about it," Harry said, looking down at his feet intently. He hadn't put on shoes, and the cold brick beneath his feet was making his toes numb. They once again fell into a comfortable silence until they reached their dorms. Harry climbed back into bed and replaced the silencing charm, and with that, he broke down, loud sobs echoing throughout his bed.

//

He didn't fall back asleep that night. Instead, he took Malfoy's words into consideration. He should've gone to America. Malfoy was right, don't let other people control your life, it doesn't get you anywhere. He would know that better than anyone else. He couldn't seem to get his mind off of it, but in the end, he had decided against it. He decided against it because if he and Malfoy could have a talk like that last night, then there was a change they were finally mature enough to drop whatever feud they had. Harry wouldn't mind getting to know Malfoy.

He climbed out of bed after making sure other people were awake as well. Ron was still in bed, though, and it turns out the only other person awake was Malfoy. He was about to say something when Malfoy sneered at him. "Don't breathe a word of last night to anyone, Potter, and don't get any ideas." And with that, Malfoy left the dorm with a bang, waking up the other two people. Ron almost fell out of bed, and Blaise stopped snoring.

Blaise slipped on his clothes as quick as he could and ran after Malfoy, leaving Ron and Harry alone in the room. "How'd you sleep last night?" Ron wondered, opening his mouth in a loud yawn. Harry shrugged and rummaged through the trunk at the foot of his bed, pulling out clean robes and clothes, throwing them on in a rush. "Harry..."

"Better than I'd slept for a couple weeks before. So, I suppose I slept better than usual," Harry told him, shoving his toes into his shoes before getting to his feet. "I decided to wander the school alone for a while, pondering the idea of leaving for America. Of course, if I ever did decide to do that, I'd tell you first." 

"Harry, I don't exactly think-"

"I know you don't think it's a good idea, but if I want to, I will. No one can stop me," Harry said. He left the dorms and went into the common room, where Hermione sat with Pansy, the two girls laughing about something. Harry met Hermione's eyes and raised his eyebrows, she turned away again and shrugged it off. He turned back to to the door, trying not to think too much of it as he left to go to the Great Hall. 

The tables were already full, bustling with students as they laughed and ate. He spotted Ginny at the Gryffindor table, she met his eyes and quickly looked away. Not even a split second later his owl flew into the Hall and dropped a letter in front of him. He ripped it open and read it through. He read it through many times before flipping it over and writing a response and the back, sending it back to the sender.

Ginny had broken up with him, through a letter. She explained how she didn't have the heart to do it in person. She explained how she had found someone else she clicked with better. Harry was somewhere between sad and relieved, because that way if he did leave he wouldn't have to hurt her, he didn't have to worry about that anymore. Ron finally sat next to him, scooping some eggs onto his plate without a word.

"Ginny broke up with me," Harry told him, gathering some food onto his own plate. He shot him a curious glance but said nothing. Not that he wanted to explain it, he had thought Ron should know. The eighth-year table was near silent except for Hermione, Pansy, and Millicent giggling down at the end. Harry didn't eat much, he pushed his food around his plate with his fork, gazing longingly at the doors. He wasn't here for classes like everyone else was. He had decided to mention that fact in a letter to McGonagall, and she reluctantly agreed.

He told her he was coming back eighth-year as a means of protecting the school for one final year. Having one final year at the place he had called home for so long. She told him that wasn't the best idea, but if that's what he wanted to do that was fine, she understood his reasoning for wanting to be here. He had thanked her and told her he'd see her when school started up again. Maybe he'd go see Hagrid while all the other eighth-years were in class, that didn't seem like a bad idea.

Once the Great Hall cleared out, he followed Hagrid down to his hut. He arrived and Hagrid welcomed him with open arms, smothering Harry in a tight hug. "Shouldn' yeh be in class?" He asked Harry. He shook his head and briefly explained the situation to Hagrid, who nodded along. "Well, yeh're lucky McGonagall is a good Headmistress, doesn' want yeh ter be alone."

"She's wonderful, she deserves that position more than anyone else," Harry agreed. Hagrid nodded in confirmation. 

"D'you know wha' yeh're doin' after Hogwarts?" Hagrid wondered, taking a seat at one of his armchairs three times too big for the average man. Harry shrugged.

"I was offered an Auror position, I politely declined for now, but after this year I might take it, I don't know what else I would do, or could do, for that matter." Hagrid stroked his beard thoughtfully as if trying to think of something else Harry could do.

"Yeh could jus' be Harry fer a while, yeh're set fer life, don' need teh worry abou' doin' somethin' after here. Jus' be you," Hagrid told him. "Do wha' yeh wanna do, don' feel obligated teh do wha' they wan' yeh teh do." Harry nodded, knowing he was right.

"But I want to feel like I'm doing something with my life, and not like I'm just being another wizard," Harry explained.

"Harry, yeh're already not jus' another wizard, yeh're Harry Potter, yeh saved the wizarding world, yeh've done yer duty," Hagrid reminded him. Harry shrugged, he didn't want to say anything else after that. He may have saved the wizarding world like Hagrid said, but that didn't mean he could just... give up now. He couldn't just seclude himself as a big 'fuck you' to the world, he couldn't do that... could he?

"Anyway, I'm still glad to see yeh here Harry, glad yer safe," Hagrid told him. He stood up and patted Harry's back, before leaving the hut. Harry let out a loud sigh and stood up as well, leaving the hut behind Hagrid. But instead of going back to the castle, Harry decided to go to the Owlery, maybe pay Hedwig a visit.

He didn't have anyone to write to anymore. Well, the Weasleys, but they didn't need to hear from him. The Dursleys were completely done with Harry now that he was eighteen, they didn't want anything else to do with him. He trudged down to the Owlery with a heavy heart. Why did he come back here? Why didn't he just take Hedwig and leave, right now? What was stopping him? He knew the answer to that question, and it was a stupid answer, but he feared if he didn't have something to ground him he'd be more reckless than he was before.

His friends were no longer the ones stopping him, ever since after the war, they were hesitant towards him. Sure, they were what you could call friends, but they weren't the Golden Trio anymore, they were just a few friends, ones who didn't speak much anymore unless necessary. Ron and Hermione, seeing as they were a couple, were as close as ever. But Harry... he was just there, he felt like the third wheel, like he was just another person they talked to. He no longer felt like their friend.

He angrily kicked a rock into the lake. Even when he was living in the cupboard under the stairs he'd never felt quite as lonely as he did now. Which was sad, for the most part, because now he was surrounded by people who cared more than the Dursleys ever did. But, after getting a taste of love, of friendship, being left without it hurt even more than before. If he was bound to be lonely, maybe he should just leave, just go to America without a trace. Leave the whole of the Ministry of Magic wondering where famous Harry Potter went, keep under cover until everybody excepts maybe he is gone.

That sounded like the best option, but regardless, it wasn't a good one. He was going to stay here, see if anything changes unless something pushes him over the edge and nearly forces him to leave, this is where he was staying until further notice. The Owlery felt ten times taller than it did in previous years, but it made it so much more rewarding when he reached the top, Hedwig flew down to him and landed on his arm, affectionately nipping at his ear. He stroked the top of her head before she flew back to her perch.

There were very few owls this year, compared to previous ones. He sat on the edge of the Owlery, the one overlooking the lake, which looked magnificent from this height. He didn't know what he was doing up here, he didn't know what he was doing in most meanings of the word. He was in a constant state of confusion, lost for words or a functioning, productive thought. It was an endless cycle of doing something and wondering why he didn't, and for whatever reason, he couldn't seem to break it.

Another three hours passed and Harry found himself in the Great Hall, completely alone at one end of the table while everyone else ate together. He pushed his food around with his fork as he had done at breakfast. He wasn't hungry, but even more than that he felt as if he didn't deserve the food in front of him, everyone else needed it more. Not that there wasn't enough, he just didn't feel... worthy of it. Maybe he would've, but he was too bundled up in his thoughts for a rational thought to get through.

There weren't any more classes after lunch for the eighth years, and Harry couldn't tell if he was glad or upset by the fact. He wanted to sit in the common room alone this time around, his nose buried in one of the many muggle books Hermione had bought him right after the war, before whatever friendship they had had slowly fell apart.

He left the Great Hall at the same time as some of the seventh years, heading to his common room near the dungeons. He decided why not read, what better things did he have to do? Even if students came here to study, it didn't matter, they wouldn't bother him. At least, he hoped they wouldn't, why would they? He sat on one of the couches and began reading.

Maybe thirty minutes later the common room held nearly all eighth-year students, only excluding Pansy Parkinson and Millicent Bulstrode, two voices he couldn't stand to hear at a moment like this. Harry was doing his best to eavesdrop, which wasn't that hard in such a small common room. Ron and Hermione were talking to Luna Lovegood about Neville, who had practically declared his love for her in the midst of the war, and in a spur of the moment, she had kissed him. Since then, the two hadn't seen each other up until yesterday. And according to them, in this meeting, Neville had asked her out, in the most embarrassing way he could, and of course, she said yes.

Malfoy and Zabini were talking about Pansy, and how Zabini was head over heels for her. When asked about his own love life, Malfoy had merely stated he had his eye on someone, but he felt as though it wouldn't work. This, of course, made Harry curious, and he tried to focus in on their conversation as they continued to speak, or more so, he listened to Zabini beg Malfoy to tell him who he fancied. He had never heard someone beg so intently. Zabini went on to remind Malfoy of how he hadn't ever properly liked someone, making Harry even more curious about who this mystery person was.

In the other corner of the room, Neville was talking with Dean and Seamus about Luna. He kept going on and on about how perfect her hair was, or how deep and intelligent her eyes were. Harry didn't bother with that, he didn't understand how someone could be so smitten by a single person, how they would do anything for them. It didn't click with Harry, sure he would've done anything for his friends, but that was different, it was incredibly different. It was a war, he would've given his life for someone who could potentially save the world instead of him, but love. What good was love?

He never understood love, not properly. Sure, he had Ginny, but he wouldn't have done anything for her, most everything, but not anything. He had his friends, but that was a whole different situation, and the Dursleys didn't understand how to show love to anyone, so he never had much there. Love had saved him, but it had also taken so many people from him, it had taken so many lives as it was, he never thought it was worth all the pain and trouble it would cause him. Not only himself, the people around him.

He decided on that with a small nod to himself. Love wasn't worth it, and in light of this, he had begun to wonder if the friendship was worth it.


	3. Confessions

It was another sleepless night. Another night where Harry tossed and turned for hours after he woke up in a panic. Another night where Harry climbed out of bed, where he felt far too constricted like he couldn't breathe, where he felt like he was going to physically combust. He hadn't spoken to Malfoy for two weeks, so when he climbed out of bed, only to see Malfoy sitting up in his bed and tugging on his shoes, he was slightly surprised. He was up nearly every single night, and not once had he encountered Malfoy. The Slytherin looked up and met Harry's wide eyes, tossing him a small smirk.

Harry wasn't sure why the sight of the blonde made his blood freeze with excitement, why he was excited by the fact that maybe he didn't have to spend yet another night alone. Walking the castle at night got lonely and cold, and it wasn't quite the same as walking with someone, even if that someone was your mutual enemy. Harry realized in that moment he didn't care that it was Malfoy he may go on that walk with, it was someone other than himself and that was good enough.

"Well, hurry along, Potter. Ever since that first night I've realized night-time walks aren't quite the same when you're alone," Malfoy told him. "I'll be waiting in the common room when you finally decide to go on that walk." Harry quickly tugged on his own shoes and tossed on a jacket he had tucked in his trunk before rushing out the dormitory door behind Malfoy, who was loitering by the fire. Harry cleared his throat to make his presence known. 

"Marvelous, now let's head off." They left the common room after that. It started off with a comfortable silence, one that Harry was itching to fill, but with what? What would he say to Malfoy?He wasn't in the mood to spill any more secrets and last time that seemed to be all that Malfoy had cared about were his secrets as well as his own, almost as if comparing them. Harry decided he was going to speak up, he didn't quite know what he was going to say, just something, but Malfoy beat him to it.

"I assume that after school you're going to go off and be an Auror?" Malfoy theorized. Harry pondered it for a moment like he had every day and every night for the past two weeks. He was wavering in and out of saying yes, because that's all he knew. That childhood dream of his haunted him, because truthfully, he didn't know if he still wanted to be an Auror, it didn't excite him like it used to. When the offer presented itself, Harry had just assumed it would be the best thing to do.

"I don't know," He admitted. "It was a childhood dream, one I think I've finally outgrown. The offer really confused me, because it seemed like the logical thing to do, even though I wasn't exactly excited by the idea." Malfoy nodded once he was finished. 

"Then what are you going to do after school?" Wonderful, another question Harry didn't know the answer to. What was he going to do? He didn't have a bloody clue. So, he just shrugged his shoulders passively, hoping he didn't press, but also hoping he did, or maybe he would give him ideas. "I'm just going to do what my family has done for generations. Find and marry some girl, produce an heir, and live off the centuries of money my family has built up."

"But do you want to do that?" Harry wondered, glancing at Malfoy. He hoped he wouldn't get defensive over the question because it was a question he'd wondered for quite some time. If Malfoy truly wanted to follow in his family's footsteps, or if he wanted to go through the trouble of creating his own. 

"Not particularly, but if I don't my parents and all friends of the Malfoy family will consider me an unworthy heir of the Malfoy name, and I... I can't have that. I have to do what they expect of me, and if I don't, they'll want to disown me. Sometimes I think it might be worth it to just take my money and start my own life, away from everyone here. But, I can't afford to do that." Harry was floored by Malfoy's confession, he didn't expect him to spill as much as he did. he had expected a simple yes or no, not a whole story as to why.

"You told me last time we spoke that letting other people control your life doesn't get you anywhere, so now I'm giving you the same advice. Do what you want to do, not what anybody else wants you to do, not even your parents." Malfoy shook his head.

"I would, but with my family, it's not quite that easy. My family is used to being in control, and when they're not they don't know what to do, I have to go along with what they say or it won't get me anywhere. There are always exceptions, always flaws," Draco said, running a nervous hand through his hair. Harry didn't respond, he was now taking note of how their footsteps echoed in sync, and how graceful Malfoy was, even when he was just walking down school corridors. "I'll give my children the option to break away, but I can't."

"I still think you should do what you want. Do they scare you, your parents?" Malfoy didn't respond to this, Harry didn't really expect him to. He more or less expected Malfoy to hit him, or at least yell at him. He hadn't expected just silence from the other boy. He watched Malfoy as his gaze was kept intently on the school floor, almost as if pondering the idea.

"They do," He admitted after another five or so minutes of walking. "They're powerful, Potter. They get what they want. Even from Azkaban by father could have me killed if I step out of line, and I don't want to die." Harry's heart lurched with sympathy for Malfoy. "My mother would turn the blind eye, Merlin knows she has plenty of times before, why should the death of her only son be any different?" Malfoy drew in a sharp but shaky breath and let out one that sounded like he was on the verge of crying. 

Harry looked over and realized his suspicions were correct, his eyes were filled with tears. He squeezed them shut and tried to blink them away, but they only spilled onto his cheeks and slid down to his lips, and Harry didn't know what to do. Did he try to comfort him? Hug him? Ignore it and hope he doesn't mind? He was just going to ignore it, but when Malfoy let out something that could be classified as a sob, Harry knew he couldn't, so he stopped walking and hesitantly pulled the taller boy into a hug. 

Harry felt Malfoy grab fistfuls of his shirt, and he buried his face into Harry's shoulder. Harry slid onto the floor, his back against the wall, and held Malfoy as he cried. Listening to someone who he had always seen as strong or cruel cry was heartbreaking. He rubbed Malfoy's back soothingly and pulled him closer when he felt him desperately pulling at Harry's shirt. None of Harry's friends had cried this hard in front of him, so this was a whole new step for Harry. 

He sat on the cold floor for what felt like just shy of forever, holding the sobbing Slytherin as close as he possibly could. He had migrated to Harry's lap, just holding him back. It was in that moment Harry didn't feel quite as lonely as he had since the war ended. He felt like someone cared, or if not that, he felt like someone trusted him. Malfoy must have trusted him if he allowed himself to cry this hard and this much in front of him.

After a while, Harry resorted to just running his fingers through his blond hair. It wasn't long after that when he stopped crying, but he didn't move for a while after. Harry could still feel him shaking in his arms, even if he wasn't crying he surely wasn't okay quite yet. Harry continued running his fingers through Malfoy's hair, smiling slightly when the Slytherin leaned into his touch. They sat like that for another eternity, or rather until the sun shone through the windows.

"The sun's coming up," Harry told Malfoy softly. The Slytherin lifted his head and met Harry's eyes. Malfoy slowly climbed off of him and stood up, offering him a hand. Harry accepted and let Malfoy help him up. He hesitated for a moment before speaking up.

"Don't breathe a word of this to anyone, Potter. Be my secret keeper and I'll be yours." He turned on his heel and left, leaving Harry alone, his shirt still slightly damp with Malfoy's tears. He waited a minute before heading off in the direction that the Slytherin had, toward the eighth-year dorms. He hoped Ron and Zabini wouldn't say anything about how close in time their arrivals were. When Harry reached the dorms, Malfoy was already gone, or maybe he hadn't even gotten there yet.

The dorms were empty already, much to Harry's delight. He showered and changed his clothes, and just when he was going to leave, Malfoy entered the dorms. He sneered at Harry and rudely shoved him with his shoulder as he passed. Harry frowned when he exited the dorms, but didn't think anything of it the rest of the day. It was typical Malfoy behavior, just because they were civil at night didn't mean they, or Malfoy, rather, would be civil during the day.

The day went by in a blur, another Wednesday gone to the wind. Harry just spent the day flying, examining the grounds. He told himself it was because he wanted to look at the scenery from this height, but deep down he knew he was doing it as a means to make sure the grounds were still safe. It was stupid, he knew, but it made him feel better knowing there wasn't anything new on Hogwart's grounds. Merlin, he was going insane.

//

Another two weeks past, the first of October just four days ago. Or nights, it seemed. Harry hadn't been leaving his dorm much these days, only at night when Malfoy was waiting up for him, which had only been a total of three times since Malfoy had held him and cried. Tonight, Harry woke up and instantly pulled back the curtains around his bed, hoping to see Malfoy sitting there, that shit-eating grin plastered across his features.

To Harry's disappointment, he wasn't there, but his bed remained empty. Harry tossed on some shoes and slipped into the common room where Draco sat next to the fire, his hands close to the flame. "Did my absence finally manage to lure you out of your dorm?" Malfoy wondered, glancing up at Harry with a mischievous glint in his eye. The fire reflected in them, making their usual silver appear a burning gold, moving and lapping at the very depths of Malfoy's soul. It made Harry's hair stand on end.

"Mhmm, something like that," Harry agreed, taking a seat on the floor next to him, relishing in the warmth of the fire. "You must like how close these dorms are to the dungeon, it must feel like Slytherin's common room." 

"It is the dungeons, Potter, just a different part of them," Malfoy explained. "And yes, I feel more at home here than anywhere else."

"The dungeons are quite nice, I must admit I like them more than the Gryffindor tower." Talking to Malfoy had given Harry something to look forward to every day, where he was just barely managing to get by without some sort of breakdown. The weight of the war was becoming too heavy for his shoulder's alone, but he couldn't bear to give anyone else the burden. 

"Then maybe you belonged in Slytherin after all," Malfoy joked, making Harry let out something that could be considered a laugh. 

"The Sorting Hat originally wanted to put me in Slytherin," Harry admitted, grinning back at the memory. He remembered how Ron's face lit up when the Sorting Hat had called out Gryffindor, and how quickly the two had become inseparable. Harry almost wanted that back, or to go back to that time. Maybe he should've told the Hat to put him in Slytherin, maybe he should've shaken Malfoy's hand in first year. Just imagining the friendship the two could've had made Harry sad. Unlike Ron, Malfoy never would've felt like he was living in his shadow, no, he would've been right next to Harry, fighting with him instead of behind him.

"Why didn't it?" Malfoy wondered.

"I told it not to. When you were put in Slytherin, I realized that was not a house I wanted to be sorted in to. I hated you for insulting Ron, but you also intimidated me a bit, you were the first real wizard I met, I didn't know what to expect." Malfoy tilted his head back and let out a laugh, a contagious one, and soon the two of them were a laughing mess on the common room floor until their eyes began to water.

"The great Harry Potter, intimidated by me? Oh Merlin, you intimidated me! I figured it would be better to be your friend rather than your enemy, and when you declined I was worried you'd incinerate me right then and there, so I tried to make myself look tougher than I really was so you wouldn't try to kill me or something." Harry snorted loudly, making Malfoy start to laugh once again. "With all the snorting you do, if you were an animagus you'd be a pig!" 

"Yeah? Well, you'd be a ferret!" Harry teased. Malfoy, pretending to be offended, shoved Harry's shoulder. This, this is the friendship they could've had if only Harry had shaken his hand. He wished he could just go back in time and change it, change his future to one that would've made him happier in the long run.

"Low blow, scarhead," Draco retorted, the smile not once leaving his lips. Malfoy's smile was contagious too, and Harry couldn't help but smile around him.

"Well, Malfoy, I would say mine wasn't as low as yours. You could've prevented being turned into a ferret, I couldn't have prevented my scar." Draco just grinned wider and shook his head.

"I think it's about time we stop calling each other our last names, wouldn't you think, Harry?" When Malfoy, or Draco, said his name, it made Harry's hair stand on end, it warmed him for the tips of his ears to the very bottom of his feet. It was just his name, what the bloody hell was wrong with him tonight?

"Alright, that sounds good to me, Draco." Harry put emphasis on his name to get his point across. 

"Wonderful! Now you can call me a constellation and I can call you hairy, someone covered in hair," Draco said playfully, making Harry roll his eyes. 

"I probably have just as much hair on my body as you do, yours is just so light you can't see it." Draco pondered this for a moment, and eventually nodded in agreement.

"You know, I have to admit your company isn't half bad," Draco told him, his voice suddenly softer than it was the last time he had spoken. Harry didn't think he could ever think of Draco's tone as soft, but here he was, thinking it was the most mellifluous thing he'd ever heard.

"You know what, neither is yours. In fact, I quite like it." Draco shot Harry something of a warning glance, but his features softened when Harry's eyes met his. "I would love to be around this Draco all the time." 

"Why can't you be around this Draco all the time?" He asked, as if it was obvious. Harry frowned and looked back at the fire, which lept at the air around it, producing something beautiful and deadly. 

"I don't know, Draco, why can't I be?"

"My family," He confessed softly. "If anyone sees me being decent to you, or, dare I say, a friend to you, they'd tell my mother who would then tell my father and he'd have my head on a post somewhere in Azkaban with him, and I'd very much like to keep it attached to my shoulders." Harry shook his head and patted Draco's shoulder, a strange show of affection.

"Draco?" Harry wondered, and finally, the gears in his head were turning. He hummed in response. "Could your father have another trial?" Draco's head snapped towards Harry as quick as humanly possible.

"Why would you ask?" Draco wondered. "He could if you called for one. It would take a couple months, but it's not impossible."

"If... if he did, I could speak at his trial, surely? Would that be enough for him, or your mother, to forgive me?" Draco's eyes were wide, his jaw slightly dropped. 

"You'd do that... just so we could be friends publicly?" Draco seemed awestruck, but Harry, on the other hand, was excited. Ron and Hermione had completely shut him out, he hadn't talked to them for a solid week, and they avoided eye contact at all costs. The only one of his old friends that even tried to talk to him was Luna, and that was a rare occurrence.

"Draco, I haven't had a proper friend since, after the war, you're the first person I've felt like I even wanted to be around anymore. Ron and Hermione completely ignore me, the rest of my old friends just... they shut me out," Harry babbled, unable to hide the growing excitement in his gut. Who knew an eighteen year old boy could be so excited at the fact that maybe, just maybe, he could once again have a friend.

"Harry..."

"Even before the trial, we could just say we were planning it, and-"

"Harry, don't!" Draco snapped. Harry stopped midsentence, his heart plummeting even below his feet. Draco drew in a sharp breath and looked away. "I didn't mean to yell, but Harry... my father belongs in Azkaban. I'm absolutely in awe at the lengths you would go through to be my friend but Harry... I don't want him out. He doesn't deserve it." Draco seemed very upset, angry as well as sad, and Harry couldn't help but wonder what Lucius had done to Draco to make him resent him like this.

"Alright," Harry agreed, though reluctant. "But at the very least don't pretend to hate me in the day, it worries me. Every night I wonder if I'll see you because it seems like the only time someone even wants me around." Draco frowned, but then it turned into a smile.

"Of course we want you around, who else would save the world?" Harry returned the smile, knowing it was Draco's way of showing affection, by masking it with arrogance and sarcasm, and it worked perfectly.

"Well, if it weren't for people like you the world wouldn't be worth saving." Silence ensued Harry's last statement because Draco had never had someone say something so kind to him before. He hadn't ever had a friend like the Gryffindor, Slytherins weren't the same. He always thought that's how friends were, but after having this friendship with Harry he was able to realize just how very wrong he was, he was just looking in the wrong house. 

"I promise I'll stop being an arse to you, if you promise to keep being you," Draco told him. 

"Sounds like a deal to me," Harry confirmed. "You wanna know a secret?" 

"Well, the past few times we've met that's all I've been telling you," Draco reminded him. Harry bared his teeth in a smile but rolled his eyes anyway. "Of course I do, Potter."

"I wish that, in first year, I would've just shaken your hand. You would've made a better friend than Ron. You would've always been by my side, you couldn't deal with being a sidekick, and that's all Ron ever saw himself as. Imagine the friendship we could've had." Draco stuck out his hand in response.

"Choose me now." Harry grabbed Draco's hand and shook it. "I'm sorry for being such a pompous arse before, to both you and your... old friends." Harry shrugged, tell him a year ago and Harry wouldn't have cared, he would've hated Malfoy no matter what, but now it was the other way around. He didn't care that Draco had said or done those things, the way he was raised had a big impact on what he thought, how he was towards muggle-borns.

"You are forgiven." And just like that, their friendship was sealed. "Though, I hate having to keep you a secret."

"But I love being your secret." Harry leaned back against the wall next to the fireplace, his eyelids heavy.

"You are a mystery, Draco Malfoy. And I am desperate to figure you out." He felt Draco sit next to him, their shoulders brushing ever so slightly.

"And that's exactly what I'm worried about, that you'll manage to figure me out. I want to be a puzzle, but you seem to be crazy good at solving them." Harry yawned and rested his head on Draco's shoulder.

"Mm, well I'm glad you think so." His voice was heavy with sleep.

"You can sleep, I'm not going anywhere if that's what you're worried about. And if you have a nightmare, I'll be here." That was all the reassurance Harry needed, he shifted his body so his head was comfortably on Draco's shoulder and the rest of his body was being warmed by the fire, and he let himself slip into slumber.

He woke when noise filled the common room, slightly disappointed when he realized Draco was no longer next to him. Instead, he was sitting at a table with Blaise, doing homework. When he met his eyes, he expected a sneer or something of the sort, but instead, he was given a warm smile. Just like that, Harry felt more at home than he ever had before.


	4. Who was your first kiss?

The common room had become their own little safe haven. Away from the dorms, the other boys, and the other girls, the other students in general. Throughout the past week, when one of them woke they'd go wait in the common room for the other, talk, and in the end they'd end up falling asleep. And because Draco had some scary internal clock, he always managed to wake up before everyone else, shaking Harry awake after so they could slip back into bed like nothing had happened. Then, the day came and Harry was usually down by the lake or up in the Owlery or Astrology tower, always somewhere quiet and scenic.

He'd taken an interest in writing, so he had begun to carry a journal that Draco had given him with him wherever he went. He was constantly writing in it, it was an escape from the grip of reality, he was able to lose himself in an entirely different universe, or sometimes he was just able to express himself on a page, whether it be in an angry rant or poetry, it was him. Draco had taken notice of this new hobby, and one night asked Harry if he could read something. He had agreed, and let him read one of his poems.

Draco read it through multiple times and ended up shedding a few tears. Harry had comforted him as much as the Slytherin would let him, but he took it as a huge compliment. His stupid writing had brought someone to tears, and all he had done was scribble down some words. Since then, Draco hadn't mentioned it. Even tonight, not a word was mentioned of his writing.

"Hey, Draco?" Harry piped up. Tonight, they were sitting on one of the sofas in the common room. Draco was sitting up trying to do his homework, and Harry was sprawled out across the sofa reading a book filled with the works of an old author that Draco had given him, his feet on Draco's lap. He heard the blond sigh and he looked over the top of his book, meeting his silver eyes. "Who was your first kiss?" He watched the Slytherin's cheeks turn a light shade of pink, which was barely noticeable in the dim firelight.

"I'd rather not say," Draco replied, turning back to continue his homework. Harry gently kicked the quill from his hand, making Draco turn to look at him again. "Why do you want to know?" Harry shrugged and finished reading the last line of the page, before bookmarking it and setting it to the side.

"It's some bonding thing girls do. They like sharing juicy relationship details," Harry explained, shrugging once more. Draco thought he was insane, Harry could tell. He waved his feet around, kicking Draco's face when he didn't respond for a couple minutes.

"Girls, Harry. Last time I checked, we're not girls," He reminded him.

"Well, yeah. No shit, but why can't we bond like girls? Have you seen how close girls are?" Draco let out an exasperated sigh. "Mine was Cho Chang, imagine that, huh? It was under mistletoe that had formed above us in the Room of Requirement. She was crying, too, and it was rather gross if you ask me."

"Of course your first kiss would be with a crying girl, Potter. Girls cry at the thought of you all the time," Draco teased. 

"Sod off, Malfoy. So who was yours? Parkinson? Greengrass?" Draco shook his head. "Well?"

"Mine was... mine was Blaise, actually." Harry's eyes widened. The only reason he kissed Cho, well, the only reason he let her kiss him was that he felt bad, he couldn't just turn her away while she was crying. But Zabini? 

"How'd that happen?"

"A dare. Pansy dared me to, actually, I think she got off on the idea. I don't know, Blaise was actually the one to coax me to do it," Draco explained. He picked up his quill away and continued writing, finishing up his homework. 

"Who was your second kiss? Mine was Ginny, in the Gryffindor common room," Harry said, attempting to kick the quill from Draco's grip once again, but no such luck this time around.

"Theodore Nott."

"Have you kissed any girls, Draco?" Harry wondered. He usually wasn't so straightforward, but curiosity had gotten the best of him.

"Pansy, during the Yule Ball. My entire house was convinced I was gay, I had to get them off my back somehow. Taking Pansy to the Yule Ball and kissing her seemed like the best option," Draco said.

"Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Gay?" Draco stopped writing for a moment but didn't look up from his paper.

"I don't know." That was more of an answer than Harry had expected, so he was happy with it. "Have you kissed any boys, Harry?"

"Well... no," Harry admitted. Draco was still engulfed in his homework. Harry was thankful for that because he knew his cheeks were flushed red, and he couldn't tear his eyes away from Draco because he realized if he ever wanted to kiss a boy, he wanted it to be Draco and only Draco. He finally looked away when Draco looked over at him, but he didn't miss the small smirk playing on Draco's lips.

"Hmm, why not?" That was a question Harry didn't know how to answer. Because saying he never had the chance was implying he wanted to, saying he didn't want to was a lie, and saying he didn't want to before Draco would imply something that Harry wanted to keep a secret. Draco returned to his homework while Harry thought of a response.

"I don't know." There, the perfect middle ground. It was the truth because he didn't know. The opportunity had never presented itself, but if it had what would Harry have done? Seize the chance? Let it slip? He didn't know.

"Would you ever kiss a boy?" Oh, Merlin, Harry felt like he was being interrogated. But for some reason, he didn't seem to mind because it was Draco Malfoy doing this, making him question everything he thought he knew about himself. 

"It depends, I suppose." Draco lifted his eyebrows, but he didn't look away from whatever he was writing for his essay.

"On?"

"If I find a boy I want to kiss, one that I could see myself falling in love with."

"Have you?" Oh dear god can Draco just shut up? Harry thought. He was on the verge of panicking because what if he wanted to kiss Harry? What if that's what he was getting at here? Harry had forgotten to brush his teeth this morning and he hadn't eaten today so his breath was probably horrid, he couldn't do this now. It was all rushing at him, the plot was moving way too fast as if the author of his life didn't know how to stop it, or what else to do.

"I'm not sure."

"Good." Good? What the bloody hell did that mean? Harry looked up at Draco, who was looking back at him. "It's not worth all the work." Harry knit his eyebrows together in confusion, but Draco didn't explain any further.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean it's not worth the trouble, knowing you like someone you can never have. It's by far the most painful feeling."

"Is this a new discovery or an old one?" Harry was pushing harder than he should've been, but as long as Draco didn't snap at him he'd keep digging. Gryffindor meant bravery, and while this took bravery to do, it also took a great deal of stupidity.

"I suppose it's both. First time around it was Theodore Nott, and this time it's just some stupid boy. It's all irrelevant, really." Harry knew now was the time to stop pushing, so he dropped it. "If you want to gossip, I have something you might like to know."

"Enlighten me, I also love gossip." Draco grinned and finally put his homework off to the side.

"Granger and Weasley are expecting. Well, Granger. Of course, this is just something I overheard some fifth year saying to her friend," Draco mused. Harry shot up from his laying position. Surely, surely if Hermione was pregnant she'd at least tell Harry? She must know he wouldn't tell anyone, except for maybe Draco. If she was, this was not the way he wanted to find out.

"What brought about those rumors?" Harry wondered, moving his legs off of Draco's lap and crossing them in front of himself, looking eagerly at Draco.

"Her frequent trips to Madame Pomfrey as well as the Headmistress. Plus, she has her own dorm now," He pointed out, examining his nails like a girl would. Harry couldn't tell if he was mocking the way girls gossiped and did their nails, or if he was generally worried about them. "It's really not that far fetched."

"No," Harry agreed. "No, it's really not." Draco sighed and laid on his back, his head in Harry's lap. Merlin, what was this boy doing to him? "And Hermione surely wouldn't drop out because of a pregnancy, education is everything to her."

"Exactly! I wouldn't be surprised if there was a little Granger-Weasley baby arriving in a few months." Harry nodded in agreement. 

"If it's true, I just hope they tell me before the entire school finds out," Harry murmured, doing his best to avoid looking down at Draco. He knew if he did, he'd do something he'd regret, although he was unsure of what exactly that would be.

"Well, I assure you that if, for some godforsaken reason, I get someone pregnant you're going to be the very first person I go to," Draco assured him. Harry finally looked down at Draco, who was grinning widely, in a joking way.

"Uh huh, I can totally see you going off and shagging some girl, then getting her pregnant," Harry mocked, making Draco laugh and playfully hit Harry's arm.

"But I'm more likely to do that then you are," Draco pointed out. Harry didn't deny it, he was more likely to do something like that. 

"Are you a virgin?" Harry queried. Draco looked up at Harry and snorted. "What? It was a genuine question."

"We're gossiping like girls, Potter!" Draco exclaimed dramatically, clutching Harry's shirt. "What has the world come to?" Harry laughed and swatted Draco's hands away. "No, Potter, I am not a virgin."

"Am I allowed to ask who you lost your virginity to?"

"You're allowed to ask whatever the bloody hell you want to, Harry. But, that doesn't mean I'll answer the question. But, I suppose I'll answer this one. I lost it to Theodore Nott, but then I slept with Astoria Greengrass as my parents want me to marry her. But she was lousy in bed, as I have realized from my first and my future encounters. Plus, I am not interested in her whatsoever. So, my mother agreed to let me choose my own wife," Draco explained, reaching over and grabbing Harry's book from the table.

"Future encounters?"

"Males, Potter. Pansy, too, but she wasn't good either. Maybe I just prefer sleeping with men, rather than women," Draco confessed, flipping open to the first poem in the book. "What do you think?"

"I really enjoy them, the ones I've read anyway, the first three," Harry told him.

"'I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness'," Draco read, glancing past the book and at Harry, who was now watching the fire intensely. "Hmm, let's see..." Draco flipped a couple pages, pausing when he had Harry's full attention once again. He flipped back to the start and resumed reading aloud to Harry, even though both of them had read it before. Harry loved it even more when he heard Draco read it, the passion he added to the words made it seem like a brand new poem.

"I blame you for my love of reading," Harry said, gently moving Draco off his lap and laying next to him the best he could on such a small couch, and it ended with the Slytherin mostly on top of him, his elbows digging into his chest as he tried to prop himself up. "Read me another one," Harry requested, shifting again so he was partially sitting up, Draco still on top of him.

"Do you want me to read the footnote of that one or the next one?" Harry shrugged, realizing that, even with Draco on top of him, he was incredibly comfortable. "I'll read the next one, maybe you'll get some sleep." 

"Wait, read the one after the next one," Harry told him.

"Alright," Draco agreed, flipping to the correct page. And that night he fell asleep with more comfort than he had for months. Listening to Draco read to him, tucked beneath him, with only the light of the fire illuminating the room. If Harry had it his way, he would want this every night, because the boy laying on top of him made him feel more wanted than his friends ever had, and he wouldn't trade it for anything.

//

The next day went by slowly. Harry spent most of it on the opposite side of the lake, scribbling down his words. It was probably around five in the evening when a person sat next to him, glancing over at the journal he was writing in. "Harry," Draco breathed out, wrapping his arms around himself. He looked up and over at Draco, who was shivering next to him. Harry frowned and shrugged off his jacket, wrapping it around the Slytherin's shoulders. Draco grabbed it and pulled it tighter around himself. "Can I read something of yours?"

"Anything," Harry told him, offering Draco his journal, but he didn't take it right away.

"I want to read something you've written about me." Harry was going to protest. Sure, he'd written about Draco, nearly everything he had written was about that blond-haired pest that Harry couldn't seem to get off his mind. "Don't bother trying to convince me there's nothing in there that isn't linked back to me." Harry did as he requested and opened to a page, one he had written about Draco while the blond had slept in front of the fireplace.

"Beauty in it's finest," Draco read, his cheeks growing a shade of pink. "And I can't tell if I'm talking about the fire or the boy in front of it, and the thought makes me want to tell him these things, then leave. And I do believe I would, but this blasted boy is my only reason for staying. Everybody writes about their muse, their enemy or friend or lover, so why should I do anything differently? I don't want to go on and explain the way the fire laps and the way it reflects off of his skin, or his hair. Merlin knows I'd die if this fell into his hands, he'd know it's about him.

"But I also think it would be okay because as of now he is the best friend I've ever come to have. I feel like if he read this, he'd be okay with it because I'm almost positive he's written about me before, too. Or maybe that's my own selfishness taking over. Perhaps I'm just giving myself a sense of false hope, but it might be worth it. He'll forever hold a special place in my mind, my heart, he'll either be the one that sticks with me forever or the one that got away. 

"This is by far the worst thing I've written, but it's made beautiful by his presence, it's made beautiful by every word being about him. His presence makes everything worthwhile and beautiful, including what's left of my own existence. Ah, he's waking now. His eyes look gold in this light, a fiery gold, like the very depths of him, almost like they're on fire. I wish I could keep them in my life forever, but I know I can't. Like all good things, they eventually leave, and they'll take him too. Maybe that will be the day I give him my journal, I'll tell him everything in it is about him. Or maybe I'd do that in hopes he wouldn't leave. Well, I shouldn't worry about that until the time comes."

Draco handed Harry back his journal without a word of his own. Harry looked at the lake, wondering why he'd let Draco read that entry aside from another, one more subtle and less revealing, but it was far too late now. Harry looked over at Draco, who was also gazing at the lake like he was trying to dissect it with his mind, take it apart and put it together all within a few brief moments. 

"I would tell you not to get too attached but it appears to be too late for that," Draco began. "You're special to me too, I need you to know. All my other friends are two-faced, nothing like you, and I don't know how we ended up here, but here we are."

"I'm not going to let you do one of those things where you tell me you'll only hurt me in the long run or something like that," Harry snapped. "Because I realized I don't care and every minute with you would be worth a lifetime of sadness, please don't shut me out before it's absolutely necessary." 

"Alright," Draco agreed. "If you promise me that when I have to, you'll understand." 

"I'll do my best." Draco nodded and pulled out a small journal of his own, gently grabbing Harry's hand and placing the journal in it. 

"Since you promised, I can solidly assure you, you're right. That journal I've been writing in since the start of fifth year, I called it my Potter-hating journal for a while, until I realized most everything in it was certainly not hate. Read it, don't read it, I don't care. I just want you to have it." Harry opened the first page and looked over at Draco as if asking for confirmation. "I wrote in it for the last time last night, after you fell asleep. It was full. Read it now, if you'd like. I'm not going anywhere."

So Harry began to read it. Fifth year was mostly hate, as Draco had told him, sixth year it peaked with admiration and maybe something along the lines of jealousy, but it was also really when everything changed. He had written how he wanted to reject the Dark Mark, but if he would've done that they would've killed his family and everyone else he cared about. He went on to explain how he wanted to switch sides, and so did his mother. 

"Wait to finish it until I'm not around. I kind of want to talk with you because you're right here, and I'm mildly scared of your reaction," Draco whispered. Harry nodded and tucked the journal into his pocket. 

"Draco, can I see your arm?" Harry murmured. Draco hesitantly held out his arm. After what Harry had read, Draco knew what he wanted to see. Harry met Draco's eyes, he wanted to make sure he was okay with this. Draco looked away and said nothing, but gave a small nod after a moment. Harry rolled up his sleeve, revealing the Dark Mark. After Voldemort's defeat, it faded into a proper scar instead of being jet black. Harry, after a brief moment of thought, placed his lips at the very base of the scar, closest to Draco's palm.

"What are you..." Draco trailed off after Harry let go of his arm and pulled him into a hug. He knew that scar was Draco's biggest insecurity, he knew when Draco never rolled up his sleeves anymore, and when he always made sure his sleeves were covering his arms, tugging them down every moment he was unsure. The Slytherin hesitantly wrapped his arms back around Harry.

"I know how much you hate it," Harry breathed, "I know how insecure it makes you, especially around me. Don't be scared of it, there's no use in hiding it anymore, it's okay. I promise." Draco held Harry tighter. This was the first time they had properly hugged since the night Draco had cried in front of Harry, the night he held him like a lifeline.

"You're a blessing, Harry Potter. I'd never leave your side if I could help it," He confessed, burying his face deeper into Harry's shoulder.

"Then don't." 

"You know I don't have a choice." Harry frowned and rested his chin on Draco's shoulder. He did have a choice, but it wasn't an easy one. Harry wasn't going to push him that far right now. Depending on how this unfolded before them he might, but certainly not right now. "Blaise criticizes the scar, expresses his disgust. Not for anyone else's, but just mine. He has one too, and he acts as if he doesn't. He was the one who made me insecure about it."

"He's an arse," Harry stated. Draco let out a quiet laugh and nodded. They sat like this until the sun slipped beneath the horizon. Sharing soft words, but it was mostly quiet. "C'mon, we'll miss dinner." They trekked back to the castle, barely making it in time to grab some food. Harry, like always, sat at the far end of the table away from everyone else. But, tonight, Draco took a seat next to him, right next to him, to the point their elbows could've knocked together as they ate.

"Dr- Malfoy, you said-" The blond shushed him.

"You never bloody eat, you're incredibly thin and I can't stand seeing you that way, so please eat." Draco scooped some food onto Harry's plate. He could feel the eyes of the other eighth-years burning holes in him, but he didn't care. He nudged Harry's plate towards the smaller boy when he didn't acknowledge it. "Please," Draco stressed. The Gryffindor reluctantly grabbed a fork and took a bite of the food on his plate. "Try to finish all that, okay?" Harry nodded and took another bite.

"Malfoy's gone mad." Harry knew that was probably Zabini talking, watching from afar as the Slytherin king made sure the hero was eating. Sure, it was strange, no one ever imagined Malfoy doing something nice for someone, let alone Harry Potter. 

"Harry's gone mad," Neville replied. "He hasn't eaten for anyone else." 

"No one else has even bothered to try," Draco bit back, glaring at him. He turned back to Harry, smiling when he saw that the boy's plate was almost empty.

"Malfoy's gone mad," Neville agreed. Draco glared at him once again, so Harry nudged him beneath the table with his knee to catch his attention. The Slytherin turned back to his food and resumed eating.

"Tonight, read the rest of the journal before you meet me in the common room, okay?" Harry nodded slowly. "Wonderful, I'm going to go to the common room now to catch up on homework, since last night I couldn't get any done. Wonder why." Harry held back a sly smile while the other students watched Malfoy gather up his bag and leave.

"Why was he wearing a Gryffindor jacket?" Oh, Hermione, the one to notice things that the others were too dull to figure out. "Harry, is that yours?" He nodded in response to the question. "Why was he wearing your jacket?"

"He was cold," Harry replied simply as if it were obvious. The table all shared confused glances, so Harry decided to see if he could get a question answered in return. "Why do you suddenly have a room all to yourself?" Hermione paled, and so did Ron. "Some rumors turn out to be true, maybe this one will too."

"Hermione," Pansy said quietly, eyes wide. "Are you pregnant?" Hermione flashed Harry a murderous glare and rushed out of the Great Hall, Ron following close behind her. "That was an answer all on its own." 

"Maybe she doesn't want to tell anyone because Ron isn't the father," Millicent suggested. 

"Well," Dean Thomas said, sharing a look with the Gryffindors at that end of the table. "This has certainly been an interesting dinner."


	5. I figured out why they call it falling in love

Harry didn't bother trying to sleep yet, he was far too interested in the journal Draco had given him. Truly, he was mildly afraid to read whatever was in this journal. He glanced over at the bed next to him where the Slytherin slept on silver silk sheets, a matching green comfortable draped over his torso while he slept. His hair was in his face, and Harry remembered him complaining about its length, but he loved it longer. Draco, in his eyes, was something that was hardly human, he was practically radiating beauty, but the blond would just laugh at him, telling him it was his pure-blood heritage. 

Harry's grip on the journal tightened when Draco moved, tugging the covers up over his shoulders. He tore his eyes away and looked at the binding of this journal, which had an ' _M_ ' stamped into the leather. He ran his thumb over the letter,  _Malfoy._  How had he taken such a liking to Malfoy, the one he'd hated for so many years? How had that turned into friendship? No, how had that turned into something more than friendship in his mind? A proper attraction, wanting to kiss his stupid face all over, wanting to shower the Slytherin with affection. Harry didn't know how it happened, but he knew he wouldn't change it for the world.

Harry opened the journal, seventh year through now was all written in here. What was he going to find? He shot one last glance at Malfoy, who was still asleep before he began reading. Seventh year, Draco began it by expressing how Harry had certainly matured, but that he hadn't seen him in months. It expressed how worried he had been when Harry was hunting the Horcruxes, how he was afraid that something had happened.  When he saw him disfigured at Malfoy Manor, he was overjoyed, and he felt an overwhelming urge to hug him or kiss him, show how thankful he was that he was alive.

 _But_ , Harry read, _the only way I knew how to express my thankfulness was to lie, tell them all it wasn't the famous Harry Potter and hope that this would be the start of his forgiveness. He should've known I didn't want to do this, but if he didn't know I wouldn't blame him, I couldn't. I have done terrible things to him, said terrible things to him and his friends. If only I had put my arrogant self away, what could've been between us? A friendship? A relationship? Suddenly he's all I want. My years of hating him have turned against me, into something I can only distinguish as admiration, attraction, anything but hate._

_When I heard he was dead, I thought I was going to collapse right then and there. Our hero was gone, and the Dark Lord was going to take over, I was sure of it. I wanted to rush out there and slaughter him myself, he had killed Potter, and for that, I was strangely distraught. My father beckoning me over to his side, to his side. I had to go, I couldn't betray him like that, so when I joined him I felt like I was betraying more than my family, and I couldn't stand it. When Harry rolled out of Hagrid's arms, I couldn't help it. I tossed him my wand, ran to the other side and decided that family wasn't everything._

Harry looked back at the date, it was a week after the war. He flipped the page, this next entry was a couple days after the start of this school year. Harry looked over at Draco again, he was sprawled out beneath his comforter. 

_Dear god, I knew this school year would be hard but after my talk with Potter last night I realized it would be far more difficult than I had ever expected. He looks so much more mature, he looks older and I must admit, that strange attraction I felt for him before the war is back, but it's stronger and I fear it's not going to go away so soon this time._

The day after he had let Harry see him cry.

_Never have I felt so vulnerable, but never have I felt so safe. I was taught never to show weakness. But seeing Potter there, I cried. I cried and cried because I felt like that was all I could do, and he didn't care. He let me cry, a pleasure I had never had before. I was, no, I am and a Malfoy and Malfoy's don't cry. They certainly don't cry in front of boys they used to hate. And they most certainly do not develop crushes on anyone with the surname Potter. Especially a boy. Huh, it looks like I'm an anomaly to my family in more ways than just one._

There wasn't anything else written in the journal until last night like Draco had said. It was full, there was a page and a half left, and Draco had filled it. His writing in this entry seemed neater, not as sloppy or rushed or angry. This time when he looked over at Draco, the boy's head was propped up on one hand while he gazed expectantly at Harry. "Go ahead, read it. The final page." Harry looked back down at the journal. "It doesn't look like you hate me yet, go ahead." And he began to read.

_Harry is something else. He's so much more than everyone sees. They see a scar, a boy who saved the world. Does anyone really know him? Even Ginny, when she dated him. Granger or Weasley, did any of them really know Harry? Surely not, if they had they wouldn't have let him go as easily as they did. When I have to let him go, it'll hurt more than losing a finger. Hell, it'll hurt more than losing a limb, an arm or leg. It'll be more painful than anything else I've ever experienced, even Crucio. Ha! Maybe not, but it'll come close._

_I realize now why people want to fall in love so badly. I don't know if I love him, but I want to. I want to fall in love with Harry, with the marvelous Harry Potter and I want him to love me too. But, I know how terribly that would end. We'd both be broken when I have to leave, if I loved him I fear I could never love another. Harry has taken my soul, my heart, my entire being. And he has made me want to become a better me, a better person. A better lover a better fighter, but if I fought, it'd only before him. For his love, for his side. For him._

_When I was young, my mother would let me sit on her lap and she'd tell me stories. One of those stories that stuck out to me, was all about soulmates. She told me everybody had one, wizards and muggles, and sometimes they mixed. I remember asking her how to find them, I asked her if my father was her soulmate. She told me it was a gut feeling, that when I met my soulmate I would know. And... and I think she was right. I think I know._

_I have also figured out why they call it falling in love. Because love is an empty abyss and only the person you love can catch you before you hit the bottom, but if they turn the blind eye you're left at the bottom of this pit, helpless, broken. As I near the bottom, I can only hope that Potter will catch me. I cannot help but want him. I know when I have to leave it will have been worth it because of the time I got to spend with the savior of the wizarding world. I got to love him and see him like no one else before._

_If only life could work out like fairy tales._

_-DM_

Harry closed the journal and looked back at the author. Draco looked misty-eyed like he was going to cry. Harry debated for a moment and scooted to one side of the bed, patting the spot next to him. "C'mere," he said quietly. "Don't say anything, just c'mere. I don't hate you, Draco. Come on." The Slytherin climbed out of his own bed and into Harry's, facing those emerald eyes. He scooted closer to Draco and pulled him into his arms.

"Harry..."

"No, don't say anything. Just let me hold you and let yourself be held." He felt Draco nod, and he draped his arm around Harry's waist, and they held each other. Harry fell asleep first, into a peacefully dreamless sleep, and Draco soon followed. In that moment, neither of them cared if they were found like that, because what could they do? Draco knew his family was powerful, but he refused to let them take Harry away, not so soon. He had finally found someone he cared about, and who cared about him in return. He couldn't let anyone take that from him yet.

 //

Hermione was waiting up in her room with Ron, pacing nervously. Truth was, the rumors weren't... wrong. She was pregnant, and Ron was the father, she just didn't want it to get out. Well, it was a bit too late for that now. "We should've just stayed friends with him, Ronald!" Hermione snapped, pausing to glare at her boyfriend. "I don't even know how you convinced me otherwise."

"He was cutting us out first," Ron grumbled.

"Yes! He just fought a war, he was probably out of it. He needed us more than ever and we just left him! And you convinced everyone else he had changed- what happened to best friends?" Hermione fretted. She had brought up the idea of making Harry the baby's godfather, something she'd wanted since third year. Of course, she didn't know she'd get pregnant so young, and she didn't know Ron would react the way he did. Ron had nearly had a fit, launching into the story about how Harry had been the one to cut them out. Hermione knew he was wrong, but she didn't exactly want to argue with him.

"Yeah? Well, now he's all buddy-buddy with Malfoy? Of all people, it had to be that prat," Ron growled. Hermione rolled her eyes.

"It's probably because Malfoy was treating him better than we have the past few months. Last night, he got Harry to eat when we hadn't even tried. He tried to talk to us but we, no,  _you_ cut him out!" Hermione resumed her pacing. "I'm going to talk to him tomorrow. I'm going to ask him- no, don't you give me the whole lecture about how the baby is yours too again. I don't want your brother to be the godfather."

"Well, I don't want Harry to be the godfather!" Ron snapped. "I should've known you always fancied him."

"Oh god-  _Ron_! Is that what this is about? Your jealousy issues? I never fancied him and I never will! He is like a  _brother_ to me! Last time I checked you don't want to snog your brother," Hermione told him angrily. Ron remained silent this time around. "It is because you're jealous? What is your problem? Really? How many times do I have to assure you I love  _you_ and no one else? Ron, if this goes on I cannot deal with it."

"What? Hermione-"

"Stop being a jealous arse! Trust is the foundation of relationships and if you don't have any we can't do this." 

"Okay, okay I'm sorry. But-"

"No, no buts. You have  _got_ to trust me. I trust you when you're around other girls, why can't you trust me when I'm around other boys? I'm going to make Harry the godfather and I won't let your jealousy get in the way of that." Hermione sat on her bed and put her head in her hands. She's been pregnant since June, she was five months pregnant, and she was showing. She usually used magic to cover it up. 

"But didn't you see how he reacted tonight?"

"It was my fault, I called Harry out when I realized Malfoy was wearing his jacket, he reacted accordingly. I can't go about this alone," Hermione whimpered.

"You're not alone! You have me, and Madam Pomfrey, and Professor McGonagall-"

"I have you and a couple women who have never had children," Hermione told him. "I need support from  _friends_ , and right now I only want to tell Harry. I want him to forgive us. Or, if not us,  _me_ , because I can't stand to not be his friend. You go ahead and do what you want to, Ron."

"Okay," Ron agreed weakly. Hermione slipped off her shoes and climbed into bed.

"Come on, you can join me," She whispered. Ron climbed into bed next to her. She was about to move closer to Ron, but she felt her stomach move. "Ron!" She exclaimed, eyes wide. "I think the baby is moving!" She grabbed her boyfriend's hands and put them on her stomach, meeting his eyes, both of them grinning from ear to ear. "Our little girl," She whispered.

"She's gonna be strong." Hermione nodded and kissed him lightly, because letting herself cuddle into his arms, in his warm embrace, it was the only time she felt properly safe. Despite what she said, she was pretty sure she could never leave him unless he did something unforgivable. "When I propose to you, do you want a proper proposal?"

"I don't care, Ron. As long as I marry you. Now, I'm exhausted so I'm going to try to sleep if you don't mind."

//

Harry was the first one to wake up, only because Ron was shaking his arm. At least, he assumed it was Ron. He could feel Draco still asleep on his chest and Blaise would wake Draco, not him. Harry groaned and shifted, which woke the Slytherin up as well. He tightened his arms around Harry and shush him to the best of his abilities in his half-sleep state. "Harry, are you coming down for breakfast? Hermione and I really need to talk to you." Harry cracked his eyes open and met Ron's concerned, slightly confused, face.

"G'way, Weasel," Draco grumbled, burying his face in the crook of Harry's neck. Harry shot Ron a look, and then looked back down at Draco.

"Malfoy, I don't know what the bloody hell is going on between you two, but I really need to speak to Harry," Ron told him. Harry attempted to slip out of bed, but Draco didn't seem to want to let him go.

"Draco, please. You know where I'll be, come find me after classes." Draco grumbled in annoyance, but let Harry go anyway. He buried his face into the Gryffindor's pillow and fell back asleep almost immediately. "Alright, lead the way." Ron led Harry down to the Great Hall, where Hermione sat. When the girl saw Harry, her eyes lit up. He was confused. First, they hate him, and all of a sudden they're glad to see him? Harry took a seat next to her, while Ron sat across from them.

"I am pregnant, Harry," Hermione began, faltering with her words for a moment before she continued. "I know you're Teddy's godfather, b- but I was wondering if you'd be the godfather of our baby, too." Harry was not expecting that. Whatever he was expecting, that was definitely not it. "We've talked about it a lot, and we're sure if you're wondering. We're sorry, we just... we didn't know how to help after the war, so we thought maybe cutting ourselves out of your life would be better..." Hermione shot Ron a look, making the red-head look down at his lap.

"Out of everyone, you chose  _me_?" Harry asked them, baffled. They both nodded. "If you  _are_ sure, then I'd love to be the baby's godfather. Maybe you should fill me in on the gender or name and things like that, or how long you've been pregnant..." Harry trailed off, frowning. He realized how little he knew.

"I've been pregnant for five and a half months. The baby is going to be a girl, we haven't decided on a name quite yet. She was kicking last night," Hermione told him. 

"Oh 'Mione," Harry breathed, letting a grin spread throughout his features. "I'm so happy for you."

"Yes, well, don't get too close. Ron still thinks I fancy you," Hermione warned him, only half joking.

"Ron, she's like my sister. I fancy someone else, anyway."

"Who? Is it Malf-" He was cut off by Draco plopping down next to him, his eyes glinting mischievously. Ron paled a couple shades, not daring to look back to the Slytherin. The blond grabbed some toast from Harry's plate making Harry grin, and then he looked over at Ron.

"What about me?" He wondered.

"It was nothing," Harry assured him. Draco nodded approvingly and took a sip of his pumpkin juice. 

"Are you going to eat?" Draco asked him, raising his eyebrows. Harry glanced at his plate which was full of food. Harry hesitated but ultimately shook his head. "At least eat a bit, okay?" Harry agreed and began eating. "So what was so important that you had to drag Potter away so early?"

"Nothing," Ron told him, but Hermione rolled her eyes and told him anyway.

"I asked Harry to be my baby's godfather," She told him. Draco nearly choked on his food, and in response to that Harry snorted in amusement.

"Hermione!" Ron whined. "Now the whole school is going to know!"

"Harry trusts him, why can't I?" She wondered. Draco smiled at the fact. He was trustworthy, despite contrary belief. 

"It's true, I've told him everything," Harry confirmed, nodding along. Hermione smirked over at Ron, who was grumbling under his breath as he took a bite of food.

"Well," Ron began, swallowing his mouthful of food, "The way I found you two this morning surely says a lot." Harry flared red and looked over at Malfoy. Personally, Harry could care less, but he knew that Draco didn't exactly want anyone to know about their friendship. Draco looked unphased, much to Harry's surprise. Could they be proper friends now?

"I'd hate to see where your mind went, Weasley," Draco said. Now it was Ron's turn to blush, leaving Hermione confused. "He found Harry and me asleep this morning, and I must say, he makes for a very warm pillow. Bone-y and a bit uncomfortable, yes, but warm nonetheless." 

"Hey!" Harry exclaimed, shooting Draco a playful glare, which the Slytherin returned.

"Are you two... together?" Hermione queried, looking between the both of them.

"My father would have me dead if we were," Draco informed them. 

"Isn't he in Azkaban?"

"He is, but you underestimate how powerful he can be." They were quiet after that, no doubt uncomfortable with Draco's presence, but he didn't seem to care. Harry surely didn't, he was having a proper conversation with him in public, and that's all that Harry cared about. 


	6. Halloween

Halloween was tomorrow, Harry noted when he glanced over at Draco at the opposite end of the table. Harry and Draco were slightly more distant than before, ever since Ron and Hermione had waltzed back into his life. The school was holding a dance this year on Halloween. They were celebrating the anniversary of Harry's parent's death, and how it wasn't in vain. They were celebrating the first defeat of Voldemort, and Harry wanted to ask Draco to go with him. He almost did, last night, when they had talked for the first time in a while.

"You're looking at him the same way Ron usually looks at food," Hermione whispered to him, nudging him with her elbow. "So I advise that you stop unless you want the whole school to know." Harry didn't care, but he knew Draco would. He didn't even know what Draco would say if he asked him. Maybe he'd turn him down because he already had a date, or because he didn't want to go with him, or because he didn't want anyone to know. There were a lot of reasons why he'd say no, but there seemed to be even more as to why he would say yes.

"Harry!" Ron hissed. He grabbed Harry's chin and pulled his face so he could meet his eyes. "Snap out of it, Draco wouldn't appreciate the entire school knowing you fancy him," He snapped, letting go of Harry's chin a bit too harshly. Harry glared at his friend, but he didn't look over at Draco again, as he knew his friends were right- he wouldn't appreciate it.

"He doesn't even know I fancy him," Harry grumbled, angrily stabbing a piece of food with his fork. Hermione covered her mouth, letting out muffled laughter, while Ron just snorted. Okay, fine, truth be told it wasn't exactly a secret they both liked each other. Draco just didn't really want to do anything, he'd made that clear in his actions. Then again, Harry wasn't too eager either, knowing what could potentially happen if the wrong people found out about this.

"Harry, even Draco isn't  _that_  clueless. I'm surprised the whole of eighth-year doesn't know," Hermione told him. She dropped her silverware and put her hands on her stomach, a small grin blossoming on her face. The whole school knew, now, Hermione was the one who finally stopped using magic to hide her growing stomach. They were all pretty supportive, except for the male Slytherin's in eighth-year, excluding Draco, of course. Luna was the most excited of all.

Luna had immediately placed her hands on Hermione's stomach when she found out, she knelt down and talked to the baby for what felt like hours, and it very well might have been. When she stood up, she claimed they should name the baby Rose. She explained that it was a strong name, and it could also represent the red hair that the baby was bound to have. After a few days' thought, the couple agreed on the name. Harry liked it quite a lot as well.

"Are you going to ask him to the dance?" Ron wondered aloud. Harry shrugged. He certainly wanted to, he'd been in this strange limbo, still unsure of whether or not he should ask him. He didn't know how he'd deal if Draco said no, but he also didn't know what he'd do if he said yes. Both had their pros and cons, and Harry just didn't know how to deal with the cons of either situation.

"I think you should," Hermione told him. "If he says yes, then wonderful! Go to the dance with him, even if it's just as best mates or something. And if he says no, that's okay too." Harry poked at his food, feeling his stomach lurch.

"I'm his best mate!" Ron reminded his girlfriend. She just rolled her eyes.

"What if he's already going with someone else?" Harry fretted, gently pushing his plate away from him. The look of food was making him nauseous. 

"If he's already going with someone else, let him. Harry, if you really like him, I would imagine you'd either let him be happy or you'd fight for him. And, knowing you, you'll fight for him. When you see something worth fighting for, you don't give it up until you're absolutely certain there's no hope." Harry attempted to smile, but it didn't work out very well.

"You're damn right, I'm not giving him up without a fight."

//

Harry refused the sleep that night. He needed to speak to Draco, he needed to push away his nerves and finally ask him. He couldn't sleep because what if Draco woke up while Harry was sleeping and he fell back asleep before he woke up, making it so they couldn't speak at all? It wasn't at all easy for Harry to stay awake, his lack of sleep the past few nights made him feel as if he hadn't slept all year, or even since the war.

"Potter?" He heard Draco say. And although he had used his last name, his voice had been soft and quiet, making excitement bubble up in Harry's chest. "Are you awake?" Harry let out a quiet hum of confirmation, turning his head to face Draco, who was staring right back at him. Draco scrambled to one side of the bed, patting the spot next to him. Harry slipped out of his bed and into Draco's, making the Slytherin grin.

"I'm glad you're awake, I needed to ask you something," Harry whispered, shifting and straightening out his shirt. Draco reached out and grabbed Harry's hands in his own. "Will you go to the dance with me?" Harry managed, looking over at Draco.

"Why did I know you were going to ask that?" Draco sighed but he was smiling anyway. "You see, I would love to say yes. But I... I'm already going with someone else." Harry felt that sting, it reverberated throughout his bones like a warning cry.  _Let this boy go_ , his brain told him  _He's not good for you_. Harry didn't listen, he just pulled his hands away from Draco and sat up, looking down at Draco. He was hurt, this hurt, he didn't think Draco would agree to go with anyone else. "Harry-"

"No!" Harry clipped, putting his head in his hands. "Surely I shouldn't sleep in the same bed as you if you have another  _date_? Surely-" Draco sat up too, anger a very prominent emotion on his face. But it softened when he saw how hurt Harry appeared to be.

"I didn't have a choice, she was getting suspicious," Draco murmured, gently going out to grab Harry's hand once more, and Harry let him. He relaxed when he had heard ' _she_ ', Draco had made it very clear to him he wasn't interested in girls. Harry nodded and laid down, Draco soon laying next to him.

"Who is it?" He wondered. "How much did she know?" 

"Astoria Greengrass," Draco told him, grabbing Harry's other hand and kissing his knuckles. "She said she saw how you looked at me, and how I would look at you the very same way. She threatened to tell my father if I didn't go with her." Harry nodded slowly but then paused, looking at Draco uneasily.

"She'd tell your father? But isn't he in Azkaban?" Draco lifted his head and looked at Harry in surprise.

"Don't you  _read_ , Potter? He escaped a few days ago, Merlin knows how. He's at the Manor, my mother owled me. I told her I was going to go to the Ministry, but she practically begged me not to. I know how distraught she is without my father around. As much as I despise him, I can't stand to see her upset," Draco admitted, running his thumb over the back of Harry's hand.

"Oh, Draco," Harry whispered, well, if even that. His voice was barely there, the Slytherin could hardly hear him. "I'll go back to my bed, it isn't worth the risk if Blaise finds out-"

"It sure as hell is worth the risk," Draco spat. "I will not lose another night's sleep all because of some Slytherin who thinks he knows what's best for me. No fucking way." Harry fought back a smile and nodded. Draco dropped his hands and pulled him close.

"How come you're not worried about Blaise finding out, but you are about Astoria?"

"Her family is a lot closer to mine than the Zabinis are. They'd be quick to believe her, and if I threatened her she'd just go whine to her parents about it. Blaise, on the other hand, can be persuaded with the right means. Or he can be threatened if you know what scares him," Draco explained. 

"Why would it be so bad if your parents found out?"

"Not my parents, just my father. My mother isn't as worried about producing an heir, or about me liking the same sex. Even you, she'd be very supportive. But, she supports my father more than she supports me, unfortunately. The wizarding world as a whole is very excepting of same-sex couples, and most other things. My father isn't supportive of anything that involves an end to the Malfoy line, or anything that involves you unless it was your death. You killed his master, sent him to Azkaban, and now if he knows you whisked his only son away from him, he'd be more than happy to kill you." 

"I hate your father," Harry mumbled against his chest. Draco ran a hand through his dark-colored locks, untangling it as he did so. 

"Can I move to close the curtains around the bed?" 

"No. Are you or aren't you a wizard? Use your wand," Harry reminded him, tightening his grip on Draco. The Slytherin sighed and grabbed his wand, closing the curtains around the bed as he had wished to do. Harry inhaled deeply, surrounding and filling all of his senses with Draco, all but one, and all he wanted to do was leaned up and kiss him, if even just briefly. They both liked each other, they both admitted the way they felt through writing, yet neither of them cared to say anything or act too much on it. "You owe me a dance."

"What?" Draco said sleepily. 

"You owe me a dance. I wanted to dance with you at the ball, but since your father is out and you're going with the young Greengrass, that can't happen. Deal?"

"Deal. Just shut up and go to sleep." Harry didn't bother trying to protest, he was incredibly tired, as was Draco. So with a final soft murmur, they both slipped into sleep. This seemed to be the only time they felt peaceful, asleep. Or in each other's arms, of course, and those two combined made for a wonderful resting moment, a wonderful moment of complete peace that the two of them had never previously had. And suddenly, Harry took the plunge into the deep, black abyss.

//

Harry didn't bother dressing up too much for the ball, especially since he couldn't go with Draco. He'd briefly explained to Hermione what had happened, and she wholeheartedly supported whatever Harry decided to do. He had been sitting alone with her in her room while she straightened then curled her hair in little ringlets. She'd found the perfect dress, which was a deep navy color that dropped to her feet. 

"I really like him," he told her for the sixtieth time that night. She put on her earrings and turned to face him, her eyes filled with sympathy. She sat next to him and looked at him seriously. 

"Then you need to tell him!"

"He already knows, just like I know he... I... 'Mione, he... he said he was falling in love with me," Harry croaked, burying his head in his hands.

"Boys are so clueless,  _you_ are so clueless. You fancy each other, and you're going to pretend you don't?"

"I mean, pretty much. He'll have to leave eventually Hermione, you know he and I couldn't be a forever couple." Hermione stood back up and tugged her shawl over her shoulders.

"I know, and I can't believe I'm explaining this to you. Sometimes ephemeral lovers, the fleeting lovers, are the very best ones, the ones you love the most. Ones that impact you, the ones you can never forget. If you go into this relationship knowing that, then maybe, just maybe, it won't be so bad." She hesitated for a moment and offered Harry a hand. "Come on, you at least wanna make it in time so you can watch Draco dance with Greengrass junior all night."

The walk down to the Great Hall was the most nervewracking thing Harry had experienced this school year. He wanted to impress Draco, he wanted to catch his eye and make him question whether hiding Harry from his father was really worth it, because he just wanted to show him off. But of course, Harry knew that could never happen. The more he thought about what Hermione had said, the more he realized he might just be okay with that. He might be okay with their fleeting moments because Harry realized that Draco was all he had ever wanted.

The Great Hall was filled with people upon arrival. The Gryffindor made a bee-line towards the table Ron was sitting at with Neville and Luna, all three of them smiling brightly. Harry took a seat next to Luna and scanned the Great Hall for Draco, and there was no sight of him. Greengrass junior was sitting at a table next to her sister, giggling about something or other. Harry knew Draco had yet to arrive, he'd be able to see him walk down those stairs like he owned the school.

"Harry, who'd you come with?" Neville asked him. Harry ignored him for a moment, not wanting to miss the moment that Draco walked into the Great Hall.

"No one," Harry replied.

"Surely there must be some girl wanting to go with you?"

"Plenty," Harry agreed. "But I fancy someone else, and they were already asked by someone else so I was turned down."

"Who is it? Who would turn  _you_ down?" Neville pressed, leaning closer to Harry, eagerly awaiting an answer.

"I can't tell you. It's a secret."

"Does anyone know?"

"I do," Ron piped up, taking a sip of the pumpkin juice in front of him. "He's all Harry ever talks about."

"He?" Neville questioned. Harry shrugged. He looked back at the doors, and that's when Draco arrived. Merlin, Harry thought, could he be any more attractive? Harry's heart lurched at the sight. His hair wasn't slicked back like it had been at the Yule Ball, it was framing his face perfectly. He wore dress robes, which was more than Harry had done all on its own. His face was void of any emotion as his eyes scanned the room.  _Was he looking for me?_  Harry thought hopefully. The question was answered when Draco shot a small smile his direction before joining the Greengrass sisters. "Is it  _Malfoy_?" 

"Shh! Shut up!" Harry hissed, turning to face Neville, who was now the only person at the table. Ron was off dancing with Hermione, and Luna had gone over to sit with Ginny and the boy she brought, Harry didn't know his name. He looked out across the hoard of people and spotted Dean and Seamus in the far back, talking with each other intently, their fingers intertwined. 

 "Harry, have you gone mad?" Neville whispered. "Look, does Malfoy know you fancy him?" Harry faltered for a moment but ultimately nodded.

"He knows," Harry confirmed, "and he feels the same. I trust you, Neville, you cannot tell anyone, regardless of who it is or what the circumstances may be, this stays between you, me, Ron, Hermione, and Draco. If his father found out, he'd be killed before he, or anyone else, knew what happened." Neville slumped back in his chair, sighing loudly.

"Harry I don't care that you're into blokes, Merlin knows I had a crush on you at one point. But Malfoy,  _Malfoy?_ Out of every wizard in the entire school, you choose him?" Neville spluttered.

"You wha- never mind, that doesn't matter. Yes, well, no. It just happened. We were both up one night and we just walked around the castle and told each other secrets. I hadn't realized I liked him until one night... he made me promise never to speak of it, so I won't. But he was so...  _Draco_ and not at all a Malfoy."

"I trust you, Harry, to know right from wrong. If you say he's good, then he's good. But do not forget his parenting, and do not forget his past. And if that's the case, then why's he here with Astoria, anyway?"

"She was suspicious," Harry said with a shrug. "I told him it was fine so we fell asleep together."

"What?" Neville gasped. "You slept with him?"

"Slept, Neville,  _slept_! Besides, he helped me with my stress from the war, he let me spill everything to him, he assured me it wasn't my fault. I still have nightmares, of course, but not as often, and I still can't forgive myself, but when I'm with him it like that doesn't matter anymore." Harry looked back at Draco, who was sloshing around some drink in his cup while Astoria continued to gossip with her sister.

"He looks like he doesn't even want to be here," Neville commented.

"I don't think he does. Now would've been the perfect time for him and me to sneak off together and just talk."

"You're smitten, Harry. Absolutely smitten," Neville decided. 

"Merlin Neville, I am not. I hate that word," Harry said.

"You are, though!" Neville insisted.

"Alright," Harry agreed, looking at the small journal peaking out of his robe pocket. "Maybe I am. But only a little!" Neville laughed and then got up to join Luna. Harry let out a sigh and looked around the entire room once more, looking for anybody else who was alone, but to his amusement, no one was. 

"Boy Wonder without a date?" Draco teased, sitting down next to him. Harry looked over at him with wide eyes. "The most desirable of us all, but the only one alone. Relax, Harry, I told Astoria I didn't want to listen to her and her sister talk all night so I was going to come over here, she just waved me away."

"Well then," Harry said, "Looks like I'm not so alone anymore."

"Not at all, you're here with your secret date. Tell me, Potter, what's he like?"

"Well, for starts he's got this stunning personality. One that draws me in with every word, pulling me closer and closer until one day I will be so wrapped up in nothing more than him. His personality is just gorgeous, in the best way possible. Not only are his words fascinating, but the way he talks, like every word, every word is a story on their own. The way he moves, he's a very handsy speaker. The way he carries himself makes him so graceful.

"And his eyes, I could go on and on about his eyes. Miraculous silver, living gold in dim firelight, dripping down to reveal his soul. They always seem to reveal more about himself than his words ever could, regardless of how articulate he is. His smile is a story too, it graces his features with such beauty. His hair is okay. Let's see-"

"Wait, hold it, my hair is just  _okay_?" Draco exclaimed dramatically. Harry knew he didn't care, but he was always known for being very protective of the way his hair looked. 

"Save all questions for the end, this isn't about you, after all, it's about my secret date." Draco nudged Harry's knee with his own, smiling shyly. 

"I am your secret date, dufus. You have a way with words, you know, they're beautiful, kind of like you." Harry felt his cheeks flush, as he nervously glanced around the room. No one seemed to be paying any mind to the pair of them. Harry looked up at him through his eyelashes, meeting his cool silver eyes.

"I kind of want to kiss you right now," Harry breathed. He watched Draco still, his breath seemed to hitch in his throat.

"Then why don't you?"

"Do you really want our first kiss to be in front of the entire school? Plus, the risk."

"Don't you love the risk though, Potter?" Draco mused, his breath mixing with Harry's as he inched closer.

"There's no risk for me, but for you-" Draco cut him off by gently placing his lips on Harry's, lingering for a brief moment before pulling away. Harry's heart was practically stuttering inside his chest, his breathing had sped up significantly. Nervousness, excitement, desire, they all filled his brain like a wave. 

"If you get caught..." Harry trailed off, looking over at the rest of the room.

"So be it. I want to kiss you until I can't breathe," Draco told him, his voice low. "I want to kiss you all over, I don't want one inch of you unexplored. I want to leave marks all over you, marking you as mine. I want to hold you, I want to feel you. You, and all your pleasures, I want to hear you when you're so caught up in ecstasy that nothing else matters. I want to hear you cry my name, I want you, Harry..." He leaned forward and caught Harry's lips with his own once again, this moment longer than the last. "I want to make sure it's worth it if I'm caught."

"Come with me," Harry whispered, leading the two of them out of the Great Hall without sparing another glance at everyone else. He heard Draco's footsteps following him. He thought he was going to lose it, this was what he had wanted. This is everything he had... He had led Draco to the Room of Requirement. It was more reliable than the dorms, certainly more private, and that's what he was aiming for.

The door swung open, revealing a couch and a bed, as well as a few other things. "Are you sure I'm worth getting caught?" Harry asked, anxiously turning to face the blond boy behind him.

"Let's not worry about that now. There's a chance no one saw us," Draco murmured. Harry nodded and brushed a stray hair out of Draco's face. How could a single man radiate perfection like this one? The Slytherin gently grabbed Harry's cheeks and pulled him in, kissing him properly for the first time. Harry sighed into Draco's mouth at the feeling, making Draco smirk.

The two of them that night were the closest they had ever been, and it was more than Harry ever could've asked of Draco, but the blond's eagerness of it all made Harry know he wanted this just as much as he did. Draco, having done this before, was as gentle as he could be, and Harry had repeatedly thanked him. After they had finished and they had ridden out their moments of pleasure, they lay in the bed the Room of Requirement had presented them with.

"I caught you, I didn't let you hit the bottom," Harry whispered, laying his head on Draco's chest while the older boy ran his fingers through it like he had the night before. "And I just hope you can catch me too." It took a minute for the Slytherin to realize what he was referring to, but when he did, he smiled.

"Harry, I'm pretty sure I caught you before you even fell." Harry smiled and leaned up to kiss Draco's neck. And in their own little way, they confessed their love for each other. Harry couldn't have been happier, truly. He felt better in so many ways than he ever had before, and he would give anything to never leave this moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the plot is moving really fast, I'm sorry, but try to bear with me!


	7. Artists and poets

Harry woke up alone. Without Draco here the room felt ten times colder, and the sheets of the bed felt like they were five degrees colder than the room. He hadn't expected to wake up alone, he expected Draco to stick with him until morning so they could face the school together. Because what if someone had seen Draco kiss him? It was likely because in a room that full of people who had grown used to the hate between the two of them, it made sense that someone saw them together and thought "What the hell?" And ended up seeing the two kiss.

Harry forced himself out of bed, gathering up his clothes from the previous night. He put them on slowly, as he was still sore from the previous night. He felt his pockets for his journal, a new instinct of his whenever he put on old clothes, but to his dismay, it wasn't in the pockets. Harry's heart skipped a beat, the last thing he had written contained his name. He had figured he'd held onto it this long without any mishap, it would be fine to use his bloody name. But of course, the first time he does, it's gone.

Harry left the Room of Requirement and headed towards his dorm as quickly as he could, maybe Draco was there, maybe he knew where the journal was. When he arrived, it was also empty. He didn't know what he'd do for the day without that journal, he had it with him at all times, that's what he did while the others were in class. And although breakfast was being served right now, he needed it before he could focus on anything else. He sat on his bed and looked around for a moment. Maybe Draco had taken it and put it back here for him to make sure no one found it.

He looked, and he looked and looked, anywhere the blond Slytherin may have put it, but no such luck. He finally just grabbed some clean clothes to change into and was about to go take a shower, but the door to the dorms opened and Zabini stepped inside, shutting it behind him. Oh Merlin, no, what if he had been the one to see them? "Potter," he greeted coldly.

"Zabini," Harry replied, nodding his head. He stepped away from the door and walked over to Harry, his face void of any emotion, which made Harry's stomach twist.

"I know what happened. I may not have been the best person to Draco, but that doesn't stop him from telling me things he can't tell anyone else. Be careful with him, Potter, he's more breakable than you think. Let things run their course and be patient, don't rush things. I don't like whatever is going on between you two, not at all. But I respect Draco enough to trust him. If you hurt him, I'll chop you up and send you off to Romania as dragon food. Be careful, Potter." Zabini nodded his head once as a sign of respect and left, leaving Harry dumbfounded.

Harry dwelled on his words while he showered, taking his time in cleaning himself. He hoped his friends wouldn't ask any questions or make any assumptions, he didn't think he could face those today. Or  _ever_ , if they wanted answers Harry didn't want to give them. Harry left the castle afterward, deciding he could just talk to Draco tonight and make sure he didn't feel pressured into talking to him during the day when anyone could see.

The lake was always incredibly pretty in the morning light, the sunrise painting the waters with scarlet and rose and violet hues, there seemed to be no ripples. Maybe everything in the lake also slept at night, and that's why it was so peaceful in the morning. Harry sat on a rock he usually was perched on, wishing he had his journal. The only things in his journal not involving the blond Slytherin were all imagery, generally the lake or sky at dusk and dawn. He loved the way the sky was painted with what appeared to be a million different shades of the same colors, and he loved it.

One night, he remembered it vividly, Draco was sitting next to the fire with Harry as they had many nights before. Through the windows in the dungeons, through the lake water, they could see the beautiful colors that the sky provided them. Golds, reds, blues, purples. Draco had rested his head on Harry's shoulder, telling him a story that his mother had told him before. He said that every year, three hundred and sixty-five artists died, one a day, and every night they were allowed to paint the sky. They were able to paint the biggest canvas of all. Harry had then proceeded to ask him mornings.

"Night represents the end, and the day represents beginnings, right? My mother never told me, but I had always assumed every day an artist was born as well, and before they were born they were able to  _begin_ their legacy with the biggest canvas. They start with it then they end with it, they were able to spend their entire lives working up to it. You told me you preferred sunsets, that's because the artist has had an entire lifetime to practice and work up to it. My mother told me artists were born, not made. They were born one and they died one," Draco had told him. Harry remembered his curiosity, what other stories did his mother have?

"And poets?"

"Poets... poets, my mother never had a story about poets. But I had always wanted one, so I made my own. Poets, like artists, were born. But poets went through things that artists didn't have to, they were broken, they had to be to write so beautifully. They had to be sad, they had to be lovers. They required something to break them before they could begin their journey. Unlike artists who got their work displayed against the sky, poets were secretive, their work confined for only their eyes unless they decided to publish it. Potter, you're a poet, and I am going to break you to start your journey."

The memory was almost his favorite one with that boy. All of his best memories had Draco popping up in them, and he had grown to love it. Harry picked up a smooth, flat stone and did his best to skip it. It had only skipped twice, but he didn't mind. He crawled off the rock and continued to walk along the shore. He had gone fairly far before, but he always got distracted by his urge to write, forcing him to stop being he was ready to take a break. He walked and walked, he walked until his stomach ached for food, and only then did he stop to assess the scenery around him.

It was beautiful, as everything around Hogwarts was, but he still wished he had Draco at his side to experience all of this with him. He kicked a rock into the lake and sat down on the shore, putting his head in his hands. What had he gotten himself into? One moment he was fine, only having flashbacks and nightmares from the war, and the next he was falling in love with Draco Malfoy, and the boy was falling for him too.

//

Harry went to dinner since he had skipped breakfast and lunch, he figured he needed to show up to at least one meal. The Professors had gotten used to his constant absence, they knew he'd be back before the day's end and that's what mattered to them. They knew he needed his space and his time, they were all willing to give that to him. Hermione captured him in a hug when he showed up in the Great Hall, probably because she wasn't used to him disappearing for long amounts of time yet.

"Merlin, Harry," Hermione mumbled, pulling away from him and making room for him to sit. "I thought something had happened." Harry didn't say anything, he just started eating. He wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, after his small breakdown he hadn't exactly wanted any human contact aside from Draco, as he was the one who unknowingly induced this. 

"I told you he was okay, 'Mione," Ron said with a mouthful of food. Harry scrunched up his nose in distaste. He should've been used to his friend's odd eating habits, but he wasn't, he didn't know if he ever could be, either.

"Well, you never know with Harry." They continued to talk, but Harry remained disconnected from the conversation. Perhaps he should've talked to them, maybe he should've... it was too late now, regardless. He had been too wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn't know what exactly to say. He kept trying to make eye contact with Draco across the table throughout dinner, but the blond didn't even spare him a glance, he kept his eyes firmly fixed on the food in front of him.

Night came slowly, but Harry was more than thankful to climb into his bed at the end of the day, eager for another night spent with Draco. But, Draco ended up falling asleep before Harry could talk to him. He was probably just tired, Harry thought. Or more, he hoped. Surely Draco wouldn't go to sleep before talking to Harry? Surely? After last night wouldn't he be more inclined to talk to him? 

Night dragged on, and Draco didn't wake up. Or if he did, he pretended he didn't. After many hours of waiting awake for him, Harry just decided  _fuck it_  and allowed himself to fall asleep that night. Maybe he could wake up early enough to talk to him, he usually woke up early as it was. After much tossing and turning, Harry finally fell asleep. 

He didn't wake up until morning, startled awake by another nightmare. Ron slept soundly in the bed across from him, and when he turned to check Draco's bed, he realized the Slytherin was already gone. Merlin, Harry thought to himself,  _what will it take for that boy to talk to me_? It was almost like Draco was avoiding him... Harry sat up with a jolt.  _Was_ he ignoring him? Everyone in this dorm knew about them now, so surely if that's what Draco was worried about, he wouldn't... would he?

Harry scrambled out of bed and tossed on his robes. Most students were still in bed at this time in the morning, Draco is probably one of the very few awake at this time, so maybe Harry could catch him. He had given his Marauder's Map to a curious third year much like he was at that time on a whim, and he was currently regretting that decision. He quietly rushed out of the dorm and paused in the common room where Draco sat.

"Draco?" Harry asked softly. Draco shot him a brief glance, and silently put away his things and left the common room. Harry stared after him sitting down on one of the chairs. He just... left without a word. Was he just another play thing to Draco? Had he done something wrong? Harry couldn't piece together why he'd decided to ignore him. Was he just done with him? 

He went back into his dorm and grabbed the book of poetry Draco had given him. He never did finish it, he was too caught up in Draco to pay attention to it. He returned to the common room and sat on one of the couches, opening the book to where he had left off. He read through them, poem after poem. No one was quite yet awake, now was the perfect time to get lost in a whole different world than his own. Well, it was his own, but from an entirely different perspective. He only halted when he noticed a note at the top of one of the pages, next to the title of that poem.  _Song_.

_This one has reminded me of you since last year. Can you dedicate poems to someone? Who knows. For you. -D_

Harry frowned. When had Draco written this in the book? He hesitantly read the poem. Then he read it a second time, then a third, and then a fourth. Out of every one of them,  _this_ one had reminded Draco of him? He shut the book after that, he could read them later. He slipped the book in the pocket of his robes and stood up, leaving the common room. 

But, of course, before he could get too far he was stopped by Hermione, she grabbed his wrist before he could continue on his way. "What's wrong? You have that look on your face," She told him.

"Can we go back to your room?" Harry requested. She nodded and led him there, not taking her hand off of his wrist. She was scared he was going to leave if she let go, and quite frankly who could blame her? He probably would've, he didn't exactly want to talk to her. Or anyone else, for that matter, but she was by far the easiest to talk to out of the rest. Once they arrived, she shut the door and finally dropped his wrist.

"Now what's up?"

"The night of the dance... he kissed me." There was no point in trying to elaborate on who  _he_ was, there was only one  _he_ and Hermione knew who.

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"No. Well, yes and no. He did it in front of everyone. He ditched Astoria and came to sit with me, and he kissed me. I don't know if anybody saw us, but after we went to the Room of Requirement and..." he trailed off, surely Hermione was smart enough to put two and two together.

"And you had sex." Harry nodded sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "What's so bad about that? Was it... it was your virginity, wasn't it?" He nodded again but continued talking before she could.

"And that's fine, virginity is a social construct it's not important. But now he won't talk to me, and I don't know if this was all a joke to him, or if someone saw us and confronted him, or what. At first, I thought it was a joke, I really did. But then I found this." Harry pulled the book out of his pocket and opened the page to the poem he had read just a few minutes earlier, then held it out to Hermione. "Then I remember reading the things he'd written about me. I still have the journal he gave me. I don't think it can all be a joke."

"I don't either," Hermione agreed once she finished the poem. "This and the way he looks at you in the Great Hall or the common room, he can't fake all of that. And even if he did, why would he? He doesn't have a benefit." Harry shrugged and toyed with the sleeves of his robes.

"What if I did something wrong?" Harry whispered. "What if I was just some sort of toy to him and he ended up falling for me and now that he got sex he's done with me?" 

"Harry, you're over thinking this. I know you're worried now, and I can't blame you. Give him time, maybe it was overwhelming. Maybe his father found out and threatened him, you don't know. Do you want me to try to talk to him?" She offered,

"Would you really? That would mean so much!" Hermione smiled slightly and nodded. "How's your pregnancy going?" 

"Merlin, it's terrible. I think Ron's having a tougher time than I am, though. He keeps babying me and making sure I'm okay. I love him so much, of course, but he can be a bit overbearing. No, that's not the right word to use. Overwhelming, maybe? Yeah, yeah that sounds about right." She nodded and ran a hand over her stomach. She definitely looked pregnant now, and she wasn't due til late February or early March.

"I always knew Ron would be like this when you got pregnant. It's just like him, really. He's a worrier. He's just worried something will go wrong, it'll be okay, he'll eventually stop. I hope." Hermione grinned and let out a small laugh.

"I hope so too," Hermione agreed. "She's kicking again." She grabbed Harry's hand and placed it on her stomach, moving it around until he could feel the baby kicking with. They grinned at each other, this was the first time she had let him feel it. It was fascinating, there was a living being inside of Hermione, and it was amazing. Ron walked in a moment later, his eyes flickering between the two of them. "Oh calm down, Ron, the baby was kicking so I let him feel."

"Why's he here now though? It's early," Ron wondered, sitting next to Hermione on the bed. 

"He was going to go run off again, so I dragged him here to talk to him." 

"Can I go run off now?" Harry questioned mindlessly.

"If you promise to be back by lunch."

"Deal."


	8. Fearful apologies

Three weeks passed, and Harry had given up on trying to talk to Draco. He was sick and tired of him ignoring his every move and pretending he didn't exist. His nightmares were more frequent again, and he'd resorted to casting silencing charms on his bed again. He woke up crying more often than he'd like to admit. Sometimes breathing heavily, struggling to get air back into his lungs with every breath. It was becoming something he was growing used to, but not in a good way, not really. 

Everything was flipped around one night, eight days before December began. Harry had fallen asleep before he cast a silencing charm on his bed. He was exhausted, he hadn't slept the night before and sleep was the only thing he wanted to do. So, he slept. But not peacefully, not a dreamless sleep. It was the opposite. Bodies were everywhere, blood was the only thing he could see, or feel. He felt like he was drowning in it. He couldn't breathe, the blood was filling his lungs. 

He woke up to a shaking shoulder, someone was waking him up. What the hell? Harry's eyes snapped open, and his eyes found blond hair above him, attached to a face, one containing worried silver eyes. Harry scrambled up, instinctively pushing Draco away as he gasped heavily to get more air into his lungs. His cheeks felt wet with tears,  _god_ , how had he let the Slytherin find him like this? That was never meant to happen. 

"Harry?" Draco whispered. Harry grabbed his wand and cast a silencing spell over his bed. Draco was already sitting on it, looking at him anxiously. Harry let out a strangled sob and buried his face in his hands. Draco hesitantly reached out to place a hand on Harry's shoulder, but he shrugged it away. No one was supposed to see him like this. He was a brave Gryffindor. But then again, even the bravest people sometimes had to let everything out.

The next thing Harry knew he was reaching for Draco, who was quick to crawl over to the crying boy and take him in his arms. "It's okay," Draco soothed, rubbing Harry's back as he cried into his shoulder. Harry wanted to push him away, yell at him for hurting him and then punch him and kick him while he was down. But, even more than that Harry wanted his comfort, he craved it more than anything else because goddamn it! Harry loved Draco. It was all moving so fast. One moment he hated the bastard and the next all he wanted to do was kiss him.

"I'm so sorry," Harry cried. Draco didn't say anything. The roles were switched now. Last time either of them had cried it had been Draco, clinging to Harry like nothing else mattered. Almost... almost like he was his lifeline. The blond could practically feel the anger radiating off of Harry, more than just the sadness. It was almost overwhelming, the blond felt as though he could drown in the emotion coming off of him.

In fact, a flurry of emotions was sweeping through Harry, though he barely noticed them. What he did notice was the solid structure holding him, rubbing his back in small circles while whispering soothing things in his ear.  Harry wanted to thank him until he could speak anymore, while at the same time he wanted to yell at him until his voice gave way with one final shout, before collapsing in a heap of tears. 

He wanted to leave for America once and for all, leaving everything here behind him. He wanted to start a new life and build it for himself, away from the watchful eye of wizards who knew his name better than their own. But at the same time he felt as though, even after everything, he couldn't leave Draco. He could take him along, build up a new life with him rather than his own sorrow and pitiful words, the only thing that seemed to soothe him.

Oh god, his words. He hadn't written since he'd lost his journal, he saw no point in it without that bloody journal, it was special to him. For one, Draco had given it to him. Second, he had started realizing maybe he could do this for a living with that journal. It had boosted his creativity, made him realize that life after this year may not be so bad after all. Maybe he could publish poetry under a fake name, posing as a muggle. It would work, he could make it work. He was desperate enough, isn't that all he needed. Desperation?

Harry was nearly asleep for the second time that night, his head in Draco's lap while dry sobs were still shaking him to his core. He would've slipped into slumber, but he took a sudden notice of the way Draco's hands ran through his hair, lulling him into a state of unconsciousness, but before he could reach it he startled himself awake and sat up suddenly, startling Draco as well. "Shh, c'mon, it's okay. Get some sleep," Draco whispered gently, looking up at Harry with tired eyes.

"But-" Harry began to protest, but Draco was quick to cut him off.

"No buts, c'mere," Draco said, patting his lap. Harry hesitantly resumed the position they were in before. Comfort swept over him when he felt Draco once again tangle his hands in his hair. Harry let out a soft hum of content, before snapping his eyes open once again "Shh, go to sleep. It's okay."

"I don't want you to leave again," Harry choked out, his voice still croaky from his sobs. He felt Draco stiffen, but only for a second as he relaxed again, running a thumb over Harry's cheekbone. He felt Draco kiss his temple, and that was all it took for the Gryffindor to completely slip into a state of slumber. Once he was asleep, Draco continued running his fingers through Harry's hair, staring down at him longingly.

"I won't leave again," Draco whispered to no one in particular. "I promise."

//

And Draco stayed true to his promise. Harry woke up with his head still in Draco's lap, and Draco had propped up pillows on the wall behind him, a small trail of drool dripping out of his mouth and onto his shoulder. Harry's first instinct was to smile and laugh quietly, so he did. His second one, however, was to push Draco out of his bed and onto the floor. So he did. Draco woke up with a start and a yelp. The dorms were already empty, and sunlight was flooding into the room.

"I'm sorry." The words spilled out of Draco's mouth before he could rethink it. Regret plagued him like a cloud; like an entire storm brewing in his head. 

"What the fuck gives you the right to ignore me for three bloody weeks and then take advantage of me at my weakest moment?" Harry snapped, glaring down at Draco accusingly. Okay fine, Draco thought, he deserved that. But of course, he couldn't just admit that. After hating someone for six years you get the urge to bite back.

"Take advantage of you? What the hell! I was trying to calm you down so you could get more sleep!" Draco growled back as he got up off the floor. 

"But what gave you the right?" Draco turned to him, clearly furious. 

"I thought you'd be a bit more appreciative!"

"Oh right, my bad. I'm sorry for getting upset over the fact you ignored me after fucking me, and then only taking notice of my existence when it's an inconvenience for you!"

"Inconvenience!? What the bloody hell do you mean?"

"I clearly woke you up! You've been sleeping like a baby ever since you dropped me." Draco let out a snort, his lip turning up into a sneer. 

"I was awake the entire time you slept, Potter! I was worried about you!"

"Worried about me?" Harry scoffed. "Then why did you ignore me that long after you fucked me? That was my virginity I let you take, Draco!"

"I was scared!" Draco spat. "I thought maybe letting you go now would hurt less than letting you go later!" Harry almost faltered, he almost felt bad in that moment for rushing to assumptions. But regardless, that didn't justify anything. 

"Oh? You were scared? I was under the impression that the first person I had properly loved had just used me. I was worried I gave my virginity away to someone who didn't care!"

"I do care!"

"Then act like it!" Draco didn't respond, he was looking down at his feet guiltily, while Harry was struggling to remain calm. He wanted to cry and scream some more, he wanted to take Draco's face in his hands and kiss him messily through his tears. He felt like he was being torn apart, so he distracted himself. "Did anyone see us?"

"Blaise, Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnigan, a couple fourth years, and a few fifth years, but I made sure they wouldn't say anything," Draco assured him. His voice was now eerily quiet and it put Harry on edge.

"By threatening them?"

"Maybe?" Harry sighed.

"Good." Draco hesitantly sat at the foot of Harry's bed.

"I'm sorry," Draco apologized. 

"Good." Harry crawled over to Draco and hugged him tightly. 

"I can't want to lose you," Draco murmured, hugging Harry back.

"I want to spend all the time I can with you before you have to leave." He felt Draco nod against his shoulder. They sat like that for hours, Harry was sure. It was a Saturday, Draco didn't have any classes so they could spend all day in the dorm, just enjoying each other's company. All previous anger now evaporated into the air. 

"We should spend those months as friends," Draco said, still in Harry's embrace.

"Can these friends at least kiss and cuddle?" Harry wondered, burying his face deeper into Draco's shoulder. "Can they be affectionate?"

"Well, don't all friends show affection and kiss each other?" Harry pulled away at that and kissed Draco. This kiss felt so much different from the others. It was slow and filled with passion and love, it wasn't rushed or eager. This one wasn't leading to anything, so maybe that's why Harry treasured it so much more. He felt Draco's hands find their way to the back of his neck, and Harry kept his hands on the small of his back.

"I don't think friends kiss this much," Draco said, his nose still brushing against Harry's. Harry hummed sadly and pulled away to look at Draco properly.

"Hmm, you're right. Do best friends?" Harry queried. He cupped Draco's cheek in his hand, running his thumb over his cheekbone. 

"Definitely," Draco breathed. The next thing they knew, they were kissing again, wrapped up in each other's presence. "I'm sorry," Draco said breathlessly into Harry's mouth, but the other boy didn't reply, he just deepened the kiss. Harry didn't care anymore, he just wanted Draco to be his, he couldn't stand knowing he was going to leave at year's end. He couldn't stand knowing Draco could go out and kiss anyone he wanted simply because the two of them weren't official.

Finally, Draco pulled away and rested his forehead against Harry's. The younger boy was practically in Draco's lap, not that he minded, he didn't mind at all. "In that time did you write any hate poems about me?" Draco wondered, only half joking. Harry grinned and shook his head.

"No. In fact, I lost my journal. I haven't written anything since I lost it, I saw no point. You gave it to me, you encouraged me to write, I didn't want to continue without it," Harry explained. He saw Draco frown and pull away.

"You didn't?"

"No, there wasn't a point." Draco slid Harry off his lap and got off the bed. He reached under his pillow, pulling out a small book; Harry's journal. "Wha-"

"I took it," Draco confessed, sitting back on the bed next to Harry. "I couldn't forget how you felt, and I wanted some sort of forever proof. I couldn't bear knowing you had this to remind you of me, I felt the urge to take it. I'm so sorry." Harry hesitantly grabbed the book. The leather felt cool in his hands, he wasn't used to that. It was always warm with his own body heat radiating off of him. 

"It's okay. I'm just glad it wasn't some nosy fifth year who got their hands on it," Harry assured him, slipping it underneath his own pillow. "Just don't take it again. It was the only thing I had that reminded me of you, and I had lost it." Draco frowned and pulled Harry back into his lap. He was practically straddling the Slytherin in this position, he felt his cheeks flush red at the thought.

"Me too." Harry relaxed when Draco gently kissed his cheek. "Let's go do something," he suggested. 

"What?" Harry wondered. Draco didn't respond right away, but when he did it was a simple shrug.

"I don't know, it was a stupid suggestion. What can we do?" 

"Still scared to be seen with me?" Harry teased. 

"Maybe we can be friends in public." He pulled away for a minute to look at Draco. He didn't appear to be joking, but he also looked unsure.

"If you don't want to we don't have to," Harry assured him.

"I do want to, though, that's the thing. I'm just scared of what my father will think," Draco admitted. Harry grabbed Draco's hand and kissed his knuckles, lacing their fingers together reassuringly.

"Don't feel obliged to do this just because I don't want to. If your father will, in fact, do that I think keeping this a secret isn't a bad idea." Draco shrugged again.

"Letting other people control your life doesn't get you anywhere though, right?" Draco mumbled, kissing Harry gently. The younger boy responded immediately, melting into it the second their lips met.

"Right," Harry agreed. He felt Draco grin against his lips before pulling away.

"Maybe we can walk to lunch together?" Draco offered.

"That sounds lovely, but first we should probably change into our robes," Harry reminded him. Draco nodded in agreement and got some clothes to change into while Harry did the same. The Gryffindor placed one last kiss on Draco's cheek before they left the common room and entered the halls, side by side, and walked to the Great Hall. 

"This is incredibly nerve-wracking and all we're doing is walking to lunch, this is so stupid," Draco mumbled, glancing over at Harry, who looked concerned. "Not this, what we're doing, just how scared I am that my father will find out." Harry nodded slowly in understanding.

"I don't blame you. Your father scares me too, he's not someone you want to cross."

"But I'm eighteen, Harry, I shouldn't be cowering in fear of my father. Most people my age start living on their own, away from their parents." 

"You're a Malfoy," Harry told him gently. "Malfoy's don't get that option. How many generations of Malfoy's have lived where you live? You don't have the option to move away, and it's stupid." Draco nodded in agreement. Harry just wanted to grab Draco's hand and hold it while they walked to the Great Hall, but the knowledge that he couldn't stung a bit more than he would've expected. 

They took a seat in front of Ron and Hermione, who both looked mildly confused. "It's okay, we've worked everything out," Harry told him, scooping some food onto his plate. Draco discreetly looked at him and smiled. He was going to eat, good, he felt scarily thin. Like he was just skin and bones. Draco knocked his knee into Harry's to get his attention.

"I'm glad you're eating," Draco whispered. Harry smiled back at him and nodded, taking a bite of the food he had piled on his plate. "When exactly are you two due?" Draco asked Ron and Hermione, distracting himself from the boy beside him.

"March first," Hermione said, placing a hand on her stomach. "Just four months away now."

"Four months and a week," Ron pitched in. 

"Most first time mothers give birth early, so four months is more likely," Hermione informed her boyfriend.

"Oh Merlin, I'm gonna be a father," Ron said, burying his face in his hands. Hermione rolled her eyes and turned to face Draco.

"He's still in shock. He thinks he won't be a good father." Draco chuckled and looked over at the Weasley.

"He'll be a strange father, but definitely not a bad one."

"Definitely not," Harry agreed. 

"Does that mean I won't be a good one?" Ron asked.

"No, you'll be a good father." Draco nodded in agreement with Harry, although he didn't have a bloody clue what kind of father Weasley would be. He hadn't known him well enough, but if Harry thought he'd be a good father, then perhaps he would be.

"Thanks," Ron sniffed. 

"Don't be dramatic, we've gone through this before," Hermione chided. Ron flushed red at the comment and took a bite of the food in front of him.

"What about you, 'Mione? You ready to be a mother?" She shrugged and nodded, a small smile working its way onto her face at the thought. 

"I think so. It can't be too much different than looking after you and Ron," She teased. Draco snorted in amusement, making Hermione shoot him a smile. 

"Hey!" Ron protested. Harry flicked a pea at him.

"Don't argue, Ron, you and I both know she's right." Ron slumped back and sulked in his chair. What would Harry have done without them? The thought of losing them hurt more than ever, but the thought of losing Draco hurt just as much. Merlin, how was he ever going to let him go?

Harry placed his hand on Draco's knee, both to comfort himself and reassure himself that he was in fact there. The Slytherin flashed him a curious glance but no more than that. They continued talking until lunch was over and proceeded to walk to the common room together. When they almost reached it, Hermione halted. "I promised I'd go see Madam Pomfrey after lunch," She said, pinching the bridge of her nose in annoyance.

"I'll go with you," Ron offered.

"So will we," Harry told her, glancing over at Draco who was nodding along.

"Would you really be willing? It's just a health check. She wants me in there often because I'm a young mother, and after all the trauma from the war... she just wants to make sure she's okay," Hermione explained, turning around so the four of them could walk to the Hospital Wing together. Draco stayed close to him, the Gryffindor couldn't help but notice, their shoulders were nearly brushing.

It went by fairly fast, Madam Pomfrey glanced at the lot of them curiously, but said nothing and began to ask Hermione some questions before checking on the baby. According to the Healer, everything was perfectly fine, the baby was healthy and so was Hermione, that was all that was important. Harry had joked that Madam Pomfrey should do a health check on Ron too because surely this much worrying should drive someone mad. It resulted in a playful punch on the arm and a glare from Draco.

"Let's go down to the lake," Ron proposed while they walked back to their common room. Harry promptly ignored his friend and looked over at Draco, who was staring down at his shoes intently. Their shoulders were brushing now, so Harry brushed his fingertips over the back of Draco's hand to get his attention and raised his eyebrows, nodding back at Ron in question.

"Oh!" Draco said, a little louder than he probably should've. His cheeks were tinged pink as he looked at Harry. 

"C'mon, Malfoy," Hermione said, nudging him with her elbow. "It'd be a good way to get to know you better." He shrugged and nodded. "Wonderful!" Harry fell behind the happy couple with Draco at his side.

"Do you wanna go?" Harry whispered.

"Yes and no. I want your friends to trust me, but I'm also really tired," Draco said, shrugging mindlessly. 

"We can go down to the lake for a while and then get to sleep early tonight. We can sleep in your bed again if you'd like, we both sleep better when we're with each other." Draco nodded in agreement. After they returned to their dorms to get their jackets, they set off down to the lake. A thin layer of frost covered the grass, marking the beginning of winter. No one else was outside, Draco noted, so he managed to work up enough courage to grab Harry's hand. The younger boy intertwined their fingers without a word and continued down the shore after his friends.

Draco sighed contently. He wanted this so bad, he wanted to be able to not only hold Harry's hand in public but hug him and kiss him too. He was a sucker for displaying affection in public, he wanted everyone to know that Harry was his, he was his and no one else's. Harry leaned closer to Draco, a small smile on his face. "You're so cute," He whispered. "You look like you're concentrating very hard on something, and your nose is all scrunched up, you're just incredibly cute."

"Malfoys are not cute," Draco huffed. Harry let out a breath of laughter and looked up ahead, where the other two had stopped. 

"No, they're not," Harry agreed. Draco snapped his head around, jaw dropped, clearly offended. "But you certainly are." Draco shut his mouth and glared at Harry, attempting to fight off a small smile. "C'mon, let's catch up. They won't be too happy if we take all the glory for being the cutest couple."

 _The cutest couple._  Draco grinned, he liked the sound of that. After all, friends were couples too, right?


	9. Biggest fear

"Wake up," Harry whispered. Draco groaned in annoyance, hadn't they just fallen asleep? Harry had promised they could sleep all night,  _this_ was certainly not sleeping. Harry jabbed Draco's cheek with a finger, letting out a small whine when he didn't move. He pouted and climbed on top of him, a leg on either side of his hips, his hands flat on the blond's chest. Draco shifted uncomfortably, but that only caused unnecessary friction where it wasn't needed. Draco cracked open his eyes and looked up at Harry, who looked like a child who wasn't getting his way. 

"You may not wake me up, but you're certainly waking something up. Get off me," Draco said. Even in the dim lighting, he could see Harry blush, he probably could've seen him blush even if it was pitch black. "What are you, Potter, five?" Draco grumbled, pulling himself into a sitting position. 

"I want to go check the Room of Requirement," Harry told him. That was the last thing Draco had expected Harry to say. He had expected something that involved getting out of bed, but certainly not that. Draco groaned, he really didn't want to do this at- what?- two in the morning? "Please, Draco," Harry begged.

"Right now?" Harry nodded eagerly, grabbing Draco's hand with both of his and pulled him out of bed. "You're definitely five." Draco put on a pair of shoes and grabbed a jacket before letting Harry lead him out of their dorms. He laced their fingers together and they fell in step. Draco was still half asleep, this was all too quick and too much movement after being so comfortable, wrapped up in Harry's arms. "Why didn't you go alone?"

"I didn't want to be alone," Harry admitted sheepishly. "I didn't know what I'd find, I really wanted someone with me. And before you ask, because I assume you will, I wanted to now because I dreamt of finding something in the room and I want to see if it is, in fact, there."

"What is it?" Harry tugged Draco along at a faster pace at the question. "Well?"

"It's a surprise," Harry replied. Draco didn't bother responding, a huge yawn left him feeling even more tired than before. "I promise when we get back I'll kiss you and hold you until you fall asleep."

"You better," Draco grumbled under his breath. They finally stumbled upon the door to the Room of Requirement. Harry refused to open it and made Draco do it for him. The room they were in was covered with a layer of dust, cobwebs in every corner, rat droppings on the floor. "This is horrid. Is this what you were looking for?" Harry nodded. God, what could be in here that he needed to find at  _two in the bloody morning?_  This room was filled with various things, much like the one that Goyle had died in back in the seventh year. Was it? 

Well, it was the Room of Requirement, of course, but was it the same exact room? And if it was, why wasn't everything burnt to a pile of ash? Even now, wouldn't it still be on fire? Draco tried not to think much of it, this place was magic, and what was a bit of fire to magic? Harry paused after a moment, pointing to a rattling cabinet in the corner of the room. "I bet that's a boggart," Harry whispered. He inched towards the cabinet and was about to open it before Draco stopped him.

"If it is, shouldn't it stay in there?" Draco didn't mind too much. Okay, that's a lie. Truth be told, he just didn't want Harry to see his boggart. It was childish and stupid, but Harry turned back to the cabinet and opened it. Harry just wanted to see what his own boggart was, surely it wouldn't still be a Dementor? Surely it wouldn't be Voldemort either, he was dead and gone. Once the door was opened, Lucius Malfoy stepped out. Is that what it was? Surely it wasn't- Harry turned to look back at Draco.

Of course, it wasn't Harry's boggart, it was  _Draco's_. His heart leaped with sympathy, Draco fumbled for his wand and cast the correct charm and the next thing he knew, his father stood there in a brilliant ball gown, one that would've been beautiful if it wasn't on the elder Malfoy. The boggart then turned to him and shifted into Draco. Harry frowned, confused. He didn't know what to make of it until the not-Draco collapsed, dead, blood pooling around the not-Draco. Harry did the same thing Draco had and managed to get it back into the cupboard.

"Your biggest fear is losing me?" Draco whispered. Harry was shaking from the sight of Draco dead before him. He felt a hand on his arm, and he pulled Draco into a tight embrace, burying his face in Draco's shoulder.  _Oh my god, he was here, he was okay,_  Harry reminded himself. Draco didn't waste any time in returning the embrace. 

"I guess it is," Harry croaked. 

"Hey, hey it's okay, I'm right here," Draco soothed. After a moment Harry pulled away, grabbing Draco's hand again and holding it tightly. 

"Yours was your father," Harry deadpanned. Draco nodded. "I want you to tell me about him and what he did to you one day. When you do, I promise I'll tell you all about the Dursley's."

"Sounds like a deal." Harry grinned and continued roaming the room in search of whatever he was here to find. "There!" Harry exclaimed, rushing over and stopping in front of a mirror. Like everything else in this room, the mirror held a layer of dust, but the dust on this particular object was a lot thinner than on the other ones. Harry grabbed Draco's hand and pulled him in front of the mirror. "What do you see?"

"It's a mirror, Potter," Draco reminded him with an exasperated sigh. "I see us, standing here, hand in hand." Harry's heart swelled. He looked in the mirror and saw them as well, but they were clearly older and two children sat at their feet. Harry looked away and over to Draco. 

"You see us?" He whispered.

"Yes," Draco confirmed. "Why was this so important that you drag me out here in the middle of the night to find it?"

"It's the mirror of Erised, which is desire backward. This mirror shows your hearts deepest desires," Harry explained softly. Draco stood behind Harry and rested his chin on his shoulder, kissing Harry's neck lightly. 

"And I would imagine you see your parents?" Draco queried, but Harry shook his head. 

"I used to see them." Draco wrapped his arms around Harry's waist, burying his face into Harry's neck. 

"Then what do you see?"

"You. Well, us. We're older," Harry breathed, examining the mirror carefully. "We have two kids, we look happy. We're married." Draco pulled Harry as close as he could before spinning him around and kissing his lips slightly.

"I love you." Harry froze in his place, looking up at Draco who had a calm expression on his face. They had, in their own little way, already confessed their love to each other, but this was the first time either of them had directly said it. Those words made Harry's heart fall into the pits of his stomach because he loved Draco more than anything, but he'd have to give him up because of his bloody family.

"Draco," Harry stammered. "I love you too. I can't... I can't bear to leave you, ever. Please don't leave me at the end of the year. We can... we can run away to America together, just the two of us. We can live as muggles, we can adopt kids and raise a family. We can live there for our entire lives, in peace and solitude. We wouldn't have to worry about being recognized, it would be perfect."

"That does sound lovely," Draco agreed.

"Then why can't we? After this year?"

"I'll think about it. I don't think I could bear to leave you either." Another wall between them torn down, brick by brick. Harry was enjoying the feeling of Draco's arms wrapped around him and he wanted nothing more than to never leave. 

"I want to marry you one day."

"I guarantee that I would say yes," Draco replied with a smile and kissed Harry's forehead softly.

"Let's get back to bed, I feel like I could sleep for ages." 

//

Falling in love was never meant to be easy, it was meant to be filled with betrayal and heartbreak, something was always bound to hurt before the couple could ever be together. But while Harry was laying in bed that morning, his head on Draco's chest, listening to his heartbeat, he wondered if he'd have to go through that. If Draco agreed to move to America with him, to run away from everything, from his family, everything would be perfect. It could work, it's a near-flawless plan, truthfully.

"Draco," Harry whispered. The Slytherin let out a breath and a hum of inquiry, clearly still not alert and awake. "I love you." Draco stirred and rolled onto his side, his back facing Harry. 

"Cuddle me, arsehole" He uttered tiredly, yawning after the words left his mouth. Harry grinned and wrapped his arm around Draco, pulling him close. Who knew that Malfoy was the little spoon? Harry never would've imagined, but he also didn't care, he was happy to be here. He was thrilled to be nestled up to someone he loved. "Mm, I love you too, Scarface." Harry let out a soft laugh and held Draco closer.

This was it. This is what Harry had always desired. Love. Pure bliss. His soulmate was right under his nose the entire time, but Harry was too stubborn to see it. Looking back, it couldn't have been a sheer coincidence they met at Madam Malkin's robe shop, it couldn't have been by chance the first wizard Harry had met had been Malfoy. It was the fates aligning, showing him the one he was someday bound to love, to completely fall in love with. 

Harry drifted back off to sleep at the thought, his heart thudding away happily in his chest. He was awoken a second time by sunlight streaming down on his face and the sound of the curtain around the bed being opened. Harry cracked his eyes open and become face to face with Blaise, who grimaced at the sight of him in Draco's bed, or that's what Harry assumed. He felt Draco move within his arms, shifting slightly to look up at Blaise looming over them.

"Pansy kept complaining that she hadn't seen you in ages," Blaise told him, his eyes flickering over to Harry. "She kept begging me to come get you. But I told you were probably a bit preoccupied, and I see I wasn't wrong." Draco craned his neck to look back at Harry, before returning back to face Blaise, smiling.

"No, you weren't wrong. How about you go tell her I'm busy spending time with my... what are we, Harry?" The younger boy simply shrugged, burying his face back into Draco's shoulder. "Just tell her I'm in a happy relationship and I would love if she buggered off." Harry grinned into Draco's back. 

"Alright, but if she comes barging in here demanding to see you, don't say I didn't warn you," Blaise said. He left the room without another word. Draco groaned and turned back to face Harry, placing a feather light kiss on the tip of his nose. 

"What happened to being just friends?" Harry teased, brushing his nose against Malfoy's. 

"Friends date each other sometimes, don't they?" Harry hummed in confirmation and kissed Malfoy, who responded for a moment before pulling away.

"You have morning breath." Draco scrunched up his nose.

"So do you, but do you see me complaining?" Harry murmured, going in to kiss Draco again but he just pulled away.

"First, Malfoy's do not have morning breath-"

"C'mon, now you're just being ridiculous!"

"-Second, I refuse to kiss you until you have brushed your teeth." Harry kissed the side of Draco's mouth and climbed out of bed, stretching his arms high above his head. Draco drank him in, the sight of Harry was enough to drive him mad. He'd gained some of the weight back that he'd lost, though he was still remarkably thin. When he lifted his arms his shirt rode up, revealing the trail that led down beneath Harry's pajama bottoms, which were resting right beneath his hipbones.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer," Harry said with a wink. He walked into the bathroom and grabbed his toothbrush.

"Is that some sort of muggle expression?" Harry let out a laugh and brushed his teeth, before returning to the dorm, capturing Draco in a deep kiss.

"You don't see me complaining about your morning breath." Draco clicked his tongue and climbed out of bed.

"That's because Malfoy's don't have morning breath." 

"No? Because you certainly do." Draco playfully stuck his tongue out at Harry before entering the bathroom. When he returned, Harry was already dressed, scribbling down words into his journal as he sat on his bed, one leg tucked beneath him. Draco changed after, sitting behind Harry on the bed. 

"What are you writing?" Draco asked, peering over Harry's shoulder in an attempt to see the paper better. Harry snapped his journal shut, turning back to Draco. "Let me guess, it's a surprise?" Draco murmured, resting his chin on the younger boy's shoulder.

"Precisely." Draco rolled his eyes and grinned, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist. The younger boy leaned back into his chest, sighing contently. "I thought we were going to go make an appearance in the common room?"

"Mmm, I suppose we should, shouldn't we?" Harry nodded and craned his neck to place a kiss on Draco's jaw.

"Should we go out at separate times so it's not too suspicious?" Harry asked. Draco paused for a moment, thinking it over. He provided a good point, what if they did go out at the same time? What kind of theories would be thrown around?

"No, let them wonder." Harry grinned, his face buried in Draco's neck. "Unless you don't want them to wonder."

"I want them to know, Drac," Harry murmured.

"I know, but you know where I stand." 

"Then let's go let them wonder." Harry crawled off of Draco and offered him a hand up. Draco took his hand and pulled him back on top of him, kissing him deeply. Harry melted into him the moment he landed, kissing him back passionately. The Slytherin wrapped his arms around Harry's waist and held him close, while Harry kept himself propped up with his hands that were on either side of his face.

"Now I'm beginning to wonder," Draco said breathlessly. "If going out there is worth it, or if I'd rather just stay in here with you." 

"I think we'd both much rather stay in here, but your friends miss you." Draco groaned and sat up, bringing Harry up with him. Harry pecked his lips quickly before climbing off a second time, shoving his journal in the pocket of his robes. 

"Are you going to hide away again today?" Draco wondered. Harry shrugged and walked over to the door to the common room.

"Maybe, I don't know yet. Regardless, I'd like to be prepared." Draco nodded and placed one last kiss on Harry's cheek before they went into the common room together. Harry turned back to Draco, grinning when he saw his hair was sticking up in various directions.

"Can I fix your hair?" Draco simply nodded in response, so Harry toyed with the strands of hair that were sticking up, trying to get them to lay flat.

"Dray!" Pansy cried, shooting up from her seat and rushing over to him. Harry smirked at Draco once the girl flung herself on him, and he took a seat next to his two friends.

"She can tell he's in a relationship," Hermione whispered to Harry, who looked back at her in confusion. "He's not spending any time with her anymore, and she's jealous. She's a decent person, but all she talks about is Draco. It's like having another one of you around."

"Hey!" Harry said defensively. "I'm not that bad!" Ron snorted from behind him, watching Pansy hang off of Draco like a tree.

"Draco this, Draco that!" Ron mimicked. 

"Millicent was the same way about Dean before he and Seamus came out on Halloween," Hermione commented. 

"And you were the same way about Ron for years, 'Mione." She turned pink at the comment. Harry turned back to Draco, who was sitting on the sofa with Pansy practically in his lap.

"Doesn't she know when to quit?" Ron grumbled. Harry couldn't help but wonder the same thing. Draco was clearly uncomfortable, he kept trying to gently push her away but she was like a leech.

"Hey, Malfoy!" Harry called. Draco's head snapped in Harry's direction. "Don't forget that you promised to help me brew some Draught of Peace for Ron." Ron looked over at Harry in curiously. Draco turned back to Pansy and said something to her to get her to leave him alone, much to Harry's delight.

"I know you were joking," Draco said as he sat down next to Harry. "But when Hermione gives birth, it may not be a bad idea to brew some for him, it might prove to be very useful." Hermione muttered some words of agreement while Harry nodded, but Ron seemed offended.

"Oh please! I don't need that! I'll be fine!"

"Ron, you're almost in a constant state of anxiety even now over her pregnancy," Harry reminded him. "When she goes into labor I don't really think you'll be able to hold yourself together."

"He's right," Hermione agreed. "You'll probably kill yourself with worry." Ron rolled his eyes and grumbled another protest, but said nothing more. 

"I still can't believe that you and Draco..." Ron trailed off, furrowing his eyebrows together and looking down at the parchment in front of him. 

"Ron, you've known for a while now. Why is it so surprising to you?" Draco asked. Harry couldn't hide the grin that came when Draco used Ron's first name. Maybe this wasn't such an impossible task after all. Draco didn't seem to mind his friends as much, and his friends were certainly warming up to him. Harry pulled his journal out of his pocket and began to write. Maybe today... maybe today he didn't have to hide. 


	10. Proposal

"So what do you think he'd want for Christmas?" 

"Draco, just get him what you'd think he wants." Hermione already had this whole conversation with Harry just hours before. He was fretting and pacing since they only had a few more days until they went home for Christmas. Except Harry was going to visit his godson, Teddy, who was living with his grandmother Andromeda. He wasn't even a year old yet, but the Gryffindor was absolutely determined to go see him, he'd already cleared it with Andromeda.

"But I don't  _know_! I've never bought someone a Christmas present before, never had reason to. I've never wanted to." Hermione just sighed and sat next to the distraught blond. She had quickly adopted Draco as a friend, much like she had Harry back in first year. He'd already babbled out his apologies many times, she didn't see a point in holding that grudge. Ron, on the other hand, merely tolerated him. Sure, he didn't mind Draco, but if he had his way he wouldn't be spending time with him every other day.

"What does he like to do?" Hermione questioned. 

"He likes to write?"

"Obviously, but there you go! Get him another journal, or something in that spectrum," She suggested. Draco grinned brightly and threw his arms around her, pulling her into a hug. She laughed quietly and hugged him back. He was an affectionate person, Hermione noted. Well, with Harry and herself, as he was comfortable around the two. She didn't know if Blaise or Pansy or Crabbe ever got the same treatment she was getting now.

"You're brilliant! There was always a reason you were called the brightest witch of your age," Draco said happily. She just rolled her eyes, wasn't this just basic knowledge? He liked to write: get him a journal. "But I don't think a journal will be enough..."

"Get him something that reminds him of you. He'd be happy if you got him a box of chocolate frogs, he's incredibly easy to buy things for. Give him one of your Slytherin scarves or a Slytherin relic of yours. Really Draco, it's not that hard."

"Ron's lucky to have you."

"And Harry's lucky to have you."

//

They were going home tomorrow. Harry was wrapping up his present for Draco on top of his bed in the dorms. He didn't want to wrap it using magic, truthfully, he felt it would be more sentimental if he wrapped it by hand in cheesy muggle wrapping paper that had reindeer on it. Harry had gotten Draco two things, and he wasn't exactly sure how he'd react to them, but it was going to be worth a shot. Harry set the package on Draco's bed, and sat on his own, waiting for him to come in.

He'd asked Blaise and Ron to figure out somewhere else to sleep for the night because he wanted to spend it with Draco. Ron, at first, refused. But, of course, after much begging from Harry, he gave in. Blaise, on the other hand, assured him that would be no problem and he'd stay out for the night. Harry was going to floo to Andromeda's tomorrow after the castle was mostly empty. He'd talked to McGonagall about it and she thought it was a lovely idea.

The door to the common room finally opened and Draco stepped in, holding two presents, both of them wrapped in an iridescent silver paper. Draco set them next to the ones on his bed and climbed into Harry's lap without a second thought, a leg on either side of him. He grabbed Harry's face and kissed him deeply. Harry almost moaned at the sudden contact and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer.

"Can you be one of my Christmas presents?" Draco breathed. Harry hummed but didn't reply, he just kissed Draco again. "Please," Draco whined, gently pushing Harry back onto the bed. The Gryffindor didn't mind at all, instead, he slipped his hands beneath Draco's shirt and gently tugged it off. Then he pulled away from Draco the best he could and smirked, playfully shoving Malfoy off of him.

"Nope!" Harry chirped happily. He heard Draco groan, but it was muffled by the comforter he had buried his face in. Harry grabbed all four of the presents and brought them over to his bed, setting the two he had wrapped for Draco right in front of him, and holding the other two in his lap. "Christmas is about physical presents, Draco, not sex. Perhaps for your birthday." Harry saw the blond tense, and he knew why. He still thought they weren't going to be together then, despite Harry's offer for the two of them to run away together.

"Fine," Draco grumbled, pulling himself back into a sitting position and snatching the two presents that were meant for him. Harry smiled widely and urged Draco to open them. Draco took the smaller of the two and gently unwrapped it, revealing Harry's journal that seemingly never left his side. "Wha-"

"It's stupid, I know. But I just... It's full. If we are to split up at years end I want you to know exactly how I felt. I mean every single word in that, you know. And I want you to know me better, this is a good start." Harry shrugged sheepishly. Draco took Harry's hands in his own and kissed his knuckles like he'd done a hundred times before, it was a sure-fire way to reassure Harry.

"I love it. I know how you held onto this like your life depended on it." Harry smiled sadly, this had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now...

"That just means my life is in your hands," Harry said. Draco let out a small breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and smiled back at Harry.

"You're a sappy little shit," Draco teased. Harry stuck his tongue out at Draco and received a playful shove from him, leaving them both laughing. "Go ahead and open your first one." Harry nodded and gingerly tore the wrapping paper off the larger present. It held another journal, this one was a bit thicker and the leather was darker, more of a chocolate brown. "I didn't expect you to give me yours, but I knew you'd need a new one soon anyway because of how much you always wrote in this one. I didn't know what to get you, this is the first time I've properly bought presents for someone before." 

"Well, I'm honored. I love it, Draco." Harry leaned over and kissed him briefly. "Now you can open your second one." He nodded and unwrapped the next one. "I didn't know what to get you either," Harry admitted sheepishly. "They're both stupid. This one... I saw it and I instantly thought of you. Your name means Dragon so when I saw it, I just..." Draco opened up the box and pulled out a large, fluffy blank, with a green dragon on one side and a silver one on the other. "Merlin, I feel so stupid."

"I love it. You know how often I complain about being cold. Just imagine cuddling up beneath this in the common room by the fireplace, just us. You can write and I can read your journal and..." Draco trailed off, pointing to the last present in Harry's lap. He'd admittedly forgotten about it and unwrapped it quickly. It was in a small, black box, one that jewelry came in. Harry opened it slowly, revealing a coiled silver snake resting on the black velvet inside of the box, the snake had emerald eyes that seemed to stare straight through him.

"Open it," Draco whispered. Harry took it out of the box, and along with it came a silver chain. A necklace. Harry flipped it over and noticed a small latch, so he did as Draco said and opened it. Inside there was a moving picture of the very first two times Draco and Harry had kissed. "Colin Creevey, the bloody git, saw us and decided to... anyway, I found him and threatened him and he told me about these. Then Hemione told me I should get something that would remind you of me... I hope you like it."

Harry set it back in the box and leaned over to kiss Draco again, lingering a bit longer than before. "I absolutely love it." Draco visibly relaxed, smiling. "But not as much as I love you."

//

The two of them slept peacefully that night beneath the blanket Harry had gotten Draco, not a care in the world. They didn't get to properly say goodbye to each other before Draco was whisked off to Malfoy Manor and Harry went to go visit Teddy. He agreed to stay there for two weeks and then go to the Weasley's for Christmas and the remaining week, where he would eagerly await the night he got back to Hogwarts so he could see and hug and kiss Draco again.

The two weeks with Andromeda and Teddy went by in a blur. He was growing so fast, the small tufts of hair on his little head seemed to be a different color every day. One day it was bubblegum pink, reminding him so much of Tonks. He cried that night, he dreamt about them. Remus and Tonk's, he watched them deteriorate in the dream, he felt bound and gagged, forced to watch their decomposing bodies. He woke up breathing heavily, wishing that Draco was there to take him in his arms and assure him everything would be okay.

That morning Andromeda made a large breakfast for the two of them, as she seemed to know that something had happened that night. But, to Harry's relief, she didn't ask any questions. That morning she had decided to ask him if there was a girl he fancied. The two had been talking quite a bit since Teddy couldn't yet manage any words. "Can you keep a secret, Andromeda?" He'd asked her. He trusted her, he had no reason not to trust her.  She had quickly assured him she could, so he explained his situation with Malfoy, showing her the necklace he was wearing, the one from him. At first, she hadn't said anything, but then she smiled.

"I always knew that boy would find someone good for him. I'm glad it was you, take care of him Harry, and let him take care of you too, Merlin knows you need it, you both do."

//

Harry was admittedly relieved to arrive at the Weasley's on Christmas Eve. He'd loved staying with Andromeda, but he was excited to see the Weasley family. Molly was thrilled to see him as well and hurried him inside, sitting him by the fire with the rest of the family. Harry felt at home here, he was incredibly glad he and Ron had made up, he felt comfortable here. "Oh, Harry dear, how have you been?" Molly asked him, shoving a cup of warm hot cocoa in his direction. He took it and uttered his thanks, taking a small sip before responding.

"I've been pretty well, thank you. How about yourself?" He replied, bringing the hot cocoa up to his lips to take another sip.

"I'm doing much better now that I have the family here for Christmas," Mrs. Weasley told him.

"I'm sorry about Fred." It was still a touchy topic with all of the Weasley's, especially George, who had barely stepped foot out of his room since he'd lost his twin. Harry felt responsible, he felt responsible for every death that occurred that night. He'd told Draco this, and he, in reply, would assure him it wasn't his fault, it was far from his fault. 

"There was nothing you could've done, dear. No need to apologize-"

"Muuuum!" Ron whined. Harry craned his neck to look at the large armchair behind him where Ron was sitting, Hemione cuddled up in his arms beneath a blanket. "Do we have to wait until tomorrow morning to open the presents?" Mrs. Weasley turned to grin at Harry before she let out an exasperated sigh and turned back to her son.

"I suppose not. Go round up the rest of the family and we can open them now." Ron was out of the chair in a flash, nearly knocking Hermione to the ground. She glared at the back of his head as he disappeared around the corner, but once he was gone her glare turned into a fond smile. "How you ended up with my son, I'll never know. But I'm glad he has you, he needs someone with sense in his life." Hermione turned pink at the compliment.

"Thank you, Mrs. Weasley," Hermione replied sheepishly.

"Oh dear, please call me Molly. Haven't we known each other long enough now?" Hermione smiled again and looked over at Harry, who was watching their conversation without a care in the world.

"Who knows, one day she may be your mother-in-law," Harry chipped in hopefully.

"Well, I should hope so! If my son ever has the guts to ask for your hand." Hermione and Harry laughed together, both for different reasons. Hermione laughed because she and Ron talked about marriage quite often for a couple who wasn't even engaged, and Harry laughed because he thought Mrs. Weasley was right. "Oh! Harry, I heard about you and Ginny, but I knew it was inevitable. I also heard someone else has caught your eye?"

"Well..."

"Harry, don't you dare deny it!" Hermione chided. Harry busied himself by sipping at his hot cocoa, hoping Mrs. Weasley would just drop the subject.

"If things go well, I'd love to meet this mystery girl of yours."

"Ah, well, about that. They're not exactly... a girl," Harry admitted nervously, looking over at Hermione who looked oddly proud herself. Mrs. Weasley's mouth formed an 'o' shape and she nodded, then she grinned widely.

"Well, then if everything works out I'd love to meet this mystery guy of yours." She winked at him and headed off to the kitchen. Hermione scooted off the chair and sat next to Harry, wrapping the blanket around the two of them. 

"I'm going to propose to Ron tonight," Hermione whispered, grabbing a small velvet box out of her coat pocket. Harry was shocked, to say the least. Wizards and muggles were alike in the sense girls never really proposed, but when was Hermione one to go along with what everybody else did? She opened the box and showed him the ring. It was a shiny silver band, with the words  _'I love you'_  engraved on the inside. "It's cheesy and I got it at a Muggle shop but I can still size it with magic. Wizard rings, for some reason, seem less... sentimental."

"How so?" Harry wondered, gently grabbing the ring from the box and running his fingers over the outside of the band. He couldn't help but smile, it was about time these two got married.

"The engravings can change, the metals are purer, but they're just... so easy for Wizards to make. You know? It's not quite the same." Harry understood where she was coming from, but at the same time, he didn't quite see how they were less sentimental. She put it back in the box and slipped it into her coat pocket, gently resting her head on Harry's shoulder. "Plus, maybe now I can actually hug you and be semi-affection with you without Ron glaring daggers at you." Harry let out a quiet chuckle. "I'm scared to be a mom, Harry."

"I can tell," Harry whispered back to her. "I can't blame you. But you're going to be such a wonderful mother, 'Mione." 

"I'm planning on him accepting this proposal. I have a house being built in Godric's Hollow for us. It's... stupid, I know, but I'd feel safe there. I briefly suggested moving to Muggle London once, but Ron seemed to be completely against that idea. I think he'd like this, I  _hope_ he likes this. I love him so much Harry," Hermione uttered, squeezing her eyes shut tightly.

"I'm glad. You two need each other," Harry replied quietly, brushing some of Hermione's hair out of her face.

"So do you and Draco, but don't tell Ron I said that." They chuckled together and stayed there for a few more minutes until Ron rushed back into the room with the rest of the Weasley family behind him. Hermione kissed Harry's cheek and winked at him. "Wish me luck. I'll do it after we open the presents." Harry gave her a reassuring smile and properly turned about to face the rest of them. Mrs. and Mr. Weasley stood in the kitchen, both looking at their child in exasperation and admiration.

Ron looked proud that he'd manage to hoard everyone down here. The only Weasley he didn't see was Charlie, who wanted to stay in Romania, he said he found someone there and he didn't want to leave them. Bill and Fleur were next to each other, sending smiles in Harry's direction. George was behind them, looking at the tree, and Ginny was already sitting next to Hermione.

Ron shot Harry a curious glance but said nothing, and the entire family herded themselves around the tree. Harry made his way over as they distributed the presents. He received two, one from Mrs. Weasley who, of course, gave him a box of fudge and a green jumper with a grey ' _H_ ' on it, one that looked suspiciously like Slytherin colors. He opened the next one, it was from Ron and Hermione, and it was a plush green dragon along with a tin of treacle fudge, even though he'd practically begged them not to get him anything. He'd gotten Hermione a large set of muggle books he'd seen, and Ron a variety of muggle sweets he hadn't seen in the Wizarding world.

He moved back to his spot by the fire and watched as everyone else opened their presents. This was Harry's favorite part, watching everyone beam with every item they received. Harry had tugged his jumper on over his plain t-shirt to make Mrs. Weasley and was happily munching away at the box of homemade fudge Mrs. Weasley had given him. After everything had died down and all the wrapping paper was gone, while everyone was in the living room, Hermione shot Harry a glance and looked back at Ron.

"Ron," She began, "Near the start of the year you asked me if I wanted a proper proposal, and I told you I didn't care as long as a married you." Her voice cracked, and all eyes were on her, gazing at her expectantly. Harry gave her a reassuring nod, so she fumbled with her coat pockets and pulled out the velvet box that held the ring. She dropped down to one knee and let out a watery laugh. "I'm not going to go through the whole ' _why you should marry me_ ' crap. I love you, you love me, and we all know you're too scared to do it yourself. So Ron, will you marry me?" 

"Hermione... of course, I'll marry you. I wanted to propose on Valentine's Day and be super cheesy and the ring is being made and-" Ron babbled on, but Hermione stood up and pulled him into a kiss. Harry wished now more than he had all night that Draco was here with him, watching the two of them with hidden excitement, later telling Harry how happy he was for them.

Nearly the entire family was in tears, all except for Bill and Mr. Weasley, who were smiling at them. Mrs. Weasley pulled Hermione into a hug once she pulled away from Ron. "I couldn't ask for a better daughter-in-law, and I'm going to be a grandmother!" She exclaimed happily, pulling Ron into a hug afterward. Harry wished the two a good night and went up to the guest room where he was staying. He grabbed his journal from his bag and began writing in it, filling the new and empty pages with words.


	11. He's going to break Harry's heart, isn't he?

Harry had never been so excited to arrive back at Hogwarts. He felt drained, in some weird way. He was happy to be with the Weasley's, he was happy to spend that week with them. One day he managed to talk Ron and Hermione into going to Muggle London with him. Ron was in awe, while Hermione was unphased, she'd been there more than the other two. Ron was eager to go into every store he saw, Hermione grudgingly trailing behind him while Harry usually waited outside, watching the people pass by as he wrote in his journal.

When they finally arrived at Hogwarts, the ground was covered in snow, a dark sky above them holding heavy, grey clouds. Harry was freezing, he'd worn Muggle clothes back to the school, as he'd left all of his school robes up in his dorm. He was eager to leave, and because of that, he had ended up leaving many things it turned out he needed. He took a seat in the Great Hall next to Hermione and did his best to ignore the curious glances from younger students, but no one questioned his attire, I think they all knew better than to do that.

"Geez, Potter." Harry spun around and saw Malfoy, who squeezed into the seat next to him, nearly shoving Neville out of the way. "Aren't you cold?" Harry couldn't fight off the grin that swept over his features as he nodded sheepishly. It was really cold, it always seemed to be cold in the Great Hall during the winter months. Draco proceeded to shrug off his own robes to drape them around Harry's shoulders in an attempt to keep him warm, ignoring all the looks that the others might have sent him. "We can't have that, now can we?" Draco grinned back at Harry and gently squeezed his knee from beneath the table.

"I missed you," Harry whispered to him, returning the gesture. Draco piled some food onto Harry's plate because it was still empty, and then onto his own.

"And I you, now will you please tell me why Weasley is wearing a ring?" Harry was quick to launch into the story about their engagement, watching as Draco just nodded along while he ate. Next to them, Hermione and Ron were sharing a quiet conversation of their own, talking about the secret couple. 

"Do you think they'll ever end up like us, 'Mione?" Ron wondered quietly, running his thumb along her knuckles as he held her hand. She didn't reply, she rested her head on his shoulder instead.

"Last time I checked, there is no way either of them can become pregnant," Hermione teased in reply. 

"You know what I mean. Together, their relationship out in the open, no longer a secret. Engaged, happy, knowing that their lives were meant to intertwine." Hermione was silent once again because she didn't have an answer for that, not right away, at least.

"I think if Draco takes a stand for himself, yes. Their lives, regardless if they get married or come out or not, are meant to be intertwined, if even for a short time. I'm rubbish at Divination, but it doesn't take a seer to know those two were meant to enter each other's lives. They made each other stronger, they taught each other how to be happy after the war. They needed that, they needed each other, just like we did. They love each other, Ron, can't you see it?" This time it was Ron's turn to not speak up right away, he just nodded slowly.

"Do you think they've had sex?" He asked.

"Ronald Weasley!" Hermione chided, lightly hitting his chest in annoyance. "I say something like that and all you can think about is sex?"

"Well you said they needed each other like we did, and all we seemed to do after the war was have sex." Hermione flushed bright red at the comment, even though it was true.

"That's not what I meant, Ron, and you know that." Hermione lifted herself off of Ron's shoulder and took a bite of her food. "But yes, they've had sex." Ron almost choked on his food.

"You okay, Weasel?" Malfoy asked, shooting a look back at the engaged couple. Ron coughed loudly a couple more times and nodded, scrunching up his face at the thought of his friend having sex with that snake.

"And Harry thought it was a good idea?" Ron whispered to Hermione. 

"He was the one who initiated everything, so I would imagine he did," Hermione confirmed, laughing once again when Ron grimaced at the thought. 

Draco looked back at Harry and rolled his eyes. "What do you think they're laughing about?" He wondered, picking at his food. He'd eaten almost all of it and was far too full to eat any more food.

"Who knows, probably us if I know anything about then," Harry replied, taking a small sip of the juice in front of him. Draco snorted in amusement but said nothing. "How was your stay at the Manor with your parents?" Harry had a huge debate with himself about asking this, but in the end, he figured he was worried enough to ask.

"Surprising," Draco replied mindlessly. "The Ministry found my father and, well, he doesn't have to go back to Azkaban. He apologized to me, he was near desperate for my forgiveness, and I gave it to him. He then proceeded to ask if I'd found a nice girl yet, said he's getting impatient and wants an heir," Draco explained briefly, shrugging sadly. 

"Just tell him that you don't like girls?" Harry suggested. 

"Oh believe me, if it were that easy I would do just that," Draco assured him. "I wish I could. I told my mother though, who just hugged me and said she'd try to talk some sense into him. I don't think she will, but hey, at least she didn't Crucio me like my father would've done."

"Don't say that!"

"But it's true!" Draco snapped, abruptly standing up. Many pairs of eyes snapped towards him while he left the Great Hall in a very dramatic matter.

"I'll go find him," Harry whispered to Hermione. "He's just being dramatic." But she grabbed his wrist before he could go anywhere and held it tightly by her side.

"I don't think running after him while wearing robes is a great idea, everyone will talk. Hell, Harry, they're  _already_ talking," Hermione hissed. Harry yanked his wrist away and stayed put, pushing his food around with his fork. 

"They are?"

"Yes, they're wondering if maybe there's something going on between you and him, but a larger part of the school is convinced you're just friends. Ron and I feed that part of the school. They all think you were both broken by the war and developed a new friendship because you two were always so similar." Harry shrugged. He didn't care what they were talking about, but he did care about what Draco would think about it all.

Draco, on the other hand, was sitting in the common room arguing with Pansy, who had just informed him of what the school had been saying. "And I, for one, believe it! Giving him or  _robes_? Draco you've never done that for anyone before!" She exclaimed. "What the hell am I supposed to think? You never talk to me anymore, and you said yourself that you're in a relationship and you're never affectionate towards anyone other than Potter." 

"Oh please, Pansy, Potter?" He put emphasis on his name. He didn't know why he got so upset over what the Gryffindor had said, but he didn't know Lucius Malfoy. Draco knew Lucius Malfoy. Draco was scared of Lucius Malfoy. "Out of everyone?  _Yes_ , I'm gay, Pansy.  _Yes_ , I've shagged other boys, but  _Potter_? Don't be daft!"

"I'm not, I'm saying what I believe!" She retorted. "I think you're too scared to admit it because of what your father would think!" That hit him where it hurt, he blanched at the statement.

"That's not true!" Pansy rolled her eyes and resumed pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace while Draco was sprawled out lazily on the couch. 

"If it's not true then let me knick some Veritaserum from Snape's store and drop a couple drops into some water for you to drink," Pansy suggested. Draco seemed to sink further into the couch at the idea. If it were, in fact, true and he was not in a secret relationship with Potter then yes, this would be the perfect way to prove it to her since she didn't believe him otherwise.

"No," Draco said. "No, I'm not going to do that. Why are you so strung up about this anyway?"

"Because, Draco, It's Potter! Okay, fine. Just listen, if you are please tell me. I won't saying anything to anyone else, it'll stay between the two of us. Well, three," Pansy assured him.

"You're the gossip queen of the school, even if I was there would be no way in hell I'd tell you." Pansy frowned.

"I don't believe you."

"Clearly." A moment later the door to the common room opened and Weasley stepping inside with Harry following behind him. "Oh see, let's ask the Golden Boy himself," Draco drawled, slipping off the couch and walked over to Harry, slinging an arm around his shoulders and directing him in Pansy's direction. "Potter, please tell Pansy here we're not shagging." Harry scrunched up his nose.

"I'd rather sleep with a mountain troll," Harry told them matter-of-factly. Draco couldn't help but laugh, seeing as how they had already had sex before, but then he sniffed.

"I'm offended. I'm pretty good in bed, just go ask Theodore Nott, or Pansy, even. Right Pans?" She flared red and said nothing, just kicked a stray rock towards the fireplace.

"Well, you two are always together and you're affectionate and Draco hardly lets anyone touch him unless he wants sex."

"I'm an affectionate person, I practically force it out of him, right?" Draco nodded once in confirmation. "Hmm, and do you want sex from me?" Draco winked at him.

"Take the Golden Boy's virginity? It would be a pleasure, but no, I'm not after sex." Draco turned his head and planting an overly dramatic kiss on Harry's cheek.

"Boys," Pansy muttered under her breath as she walked away.

"You know, I think she was believing it until you kissed me," Harry told Draco, slinging his arm around the Slytherin's shoulders in return.

"Me too, but was it worth the expression on her face?" Harry nodded in confirmation.

"Oh yes, definitely worth it." Draco grinned and turned to face Harry and kissed his cheek again, softer this time, lingering a bit longer. "Does this mean we can properly be friends in public?" Harry wondered aloud.

"I think it does." This time Harry hooked his fingers under Draco's chin and pulled him into a proper kiss since the common room was empty, smiling when he responded to his touch. Harry tangled a hand in Draco's hair, something he knew Draco secret loved, and the Slytherin just loosely wrapped his arms around Harry in return. They didn't pull apart until a squeal sounded from behind them.

"I bloody knew it!" Pansy gasped, pointing at the two of them accusingly. Harry pulled away, ready to defend himself against whatever she was going to say about them for Draco's sake, but he beat her to it.

"Now, is this where I'm supposed to call you brilliant and congratulate you or yell ar you for invading our privacy?" He drawled, waving his hand in the air for effect. Pansy pouted, but it turned into a grin after a moment.

"Oooh, I knew it! You two are so good for each other." Beaming, Pansy rushed over to them and pulled them into a hug. "And you." She let go of them and jabbed a finger into Draco's chest, "Don't you dare let you or your family get in the way of this. You're happy, don't let him go." And with another smile, she skipped away, back into the girl's dorm.

"She seems nice," Harry commented. After Draco shoved Harry's shoulder, he laughed.

"I love her and all, but she's bloody annoying." Harry snorted and nodded in complete agreement.

"But isn't that what girls are like? All about love and stuff?"

"Most girls, Daphne Greengrass never did care much for love," Draco told him, pulling him along to the dorms. "You need a shower, you know, you stink." He scrunched up his nose as if proving a point.

"I haven't showered in a few days, but you don't smell so great yourself," Harry retorted. "You should shower with me." Draco froze up for a moment and shot Harry a wary look.

"Shower, or-"

"Shower," Harry emphasized. With the confirmation, Draco agreed but pouted playfully anyway.

"You're no fun!" The Gryffindor simply shoved him, grinning widely, before pulling the front of his shirt towards him and kissing him hard. Draco let out a sound in between a squeak and a moan and melted into Potter's touch. As soon as he did, Harry pulled away and led him to the showers connection to the eighth year boys' dorm. Draco whined in protest but followed along nonetheless. "You're lucky your cute."

"Mmm, you're lucky I love you," Harry replied, kissing the tip of Draco's nose. In response to this, he scrunched up his nose and stuck out his tongue. "Why don't you go get us something to sleep in while the water warms up." Draco nodded and did just that while Harry turned on the water. "Thanks again for letting me borrow your robes." The blond sighed and handed Harry a pair of pajamas.

"I'm just excited for you to return it," Draco teased. Of course, he would be, Harry thought. In a teasing manner, Harry slipped the robes from his shoulders and slowly slid them off, handing them to Draco with a smirk. He kicked off his shoes and took off his socks next, before slowly pulling his shirt up over his head. "You're more than cute." Draco began to strip next, and Harry couldn't help but admire him. He really was beautiful, no,  _perfect_. That was the only word that could properly describe him.

He wasn't particularly muscular, but he was still fit. He was incredibly thin, almost too thin, much like Harry was. The Slytherin was also incredibly pale, it would've been worrying but the other two Malfoy's he'd met shared the same pale skin. "Pretty great pureblood breeding, wouldn't you say?"

"The best," Harry agreed, stepping into the shower after Draco. 

"You need to eat more, you look starved." Harry tried not to wince at the comment, he just stuck his head under the stream of water and got his hair wet.

"I guess I'm used to it." Draco's eyes narrowed. Used to it? What the bloody hell did that mean? "I shouldn't have said that."

"Used to it?" Harry frowned, but he nodded anyway. "Why are you used to it?"

"Ah- well, you see..." Harry couldn't seem to stutter out his explanation. He didn't really want Draco to know about the Dursleys, much like Draco didn't want him to know about his father. "Growing up I lived with Muggles," He managed, turning away from Draco as he lathered shampoo into his hair. "And they hated magic, I didn't know I was a wizard until Hagrid came and found me."

"You didn't..."

"No, I didn't. And because they hated magic, because I was a wizard, they... they thought of me as a lesser being, of sorts..." He trailed off, switching places with Draco so he could rinse his hair.

"They starved you?" Draco whispered. Harry pursed his lips and nodded again. "Is that all they did?"

"Well... no," Harry admitted. Suddenly showering was the last thing he had on his mind. He had wanted to tell Draco this when he could seek comfort, not in the bloody shower. Harry rested his back against the wall of the shower and squeezed his eyes shut. "Other things too, they made me sleep in a cupboard until I was eleven, and after that they let me have my cousin's old room and put bars on my window."

"Did they ever... abuse you?" This was something Harry didn't like to think about because he knew the answer was yes but he didn't want to think that.

"A bit," He confirmed briefly. 

"Like what?" Draco pressed.

"I don't wanna talk about it right now." Truth be told, he was on edge. He always felt weird after he talked about the Dursleys, and if he could avoid it, he would without a second thought.

"Alright, I can respect that," Draco told him. Harry breathed a sigh of relief, and Draco pulled him into a hug. "You're completely naked but all I want to do is comfort you, sex is the last thing on my mind," Draco noted, tilting his head up to rest his chin on top of Harry's head. Harry chuckled and wrapped his arms back around him.

"We could just get out and go cuddle by the fire," Harry suggested. Draco pulled away and looked at Harry in mock-offense.

"Cuddle, Potter? Cuddle? What are we? Third year Hufflepuffs."

"Hmm, we are both acting like it, aren't we?" Harry mused. Draco huffed and turned the water off, leading Harry out of the shower and wrapping him in a fluffy towel. "Is this yours?"

"Yes. All yours were old and nearly falling apart at the seams!" Harry pulled the towel tighter around himself, burying his face in the soft fabric. Draco smiled at him as he wrapped his own towel around himself. Harry was so happy about simple towels, imagine how he would react to everything else Draco could give him? "You're the cutest person I've ever seen." Harry flushed red at the comment.

"You haven't looked in a mirror then, have you?"

"Oh, no, I spend half of my life in front of a mirror," He said playfully. He craned his neck to look in the mirror behind him, then back at Harry. "You're definitely the cutest, no need to worry about me stealing the spotlight."

"I wish you could, I hate being the center of everyone's attention."

"I know you do, love. One day it'll all stop, though," Draco murmured, pulling him into yet another hug. Harry just relaxed in his embrace, happy to be standing there with the only person he had ever loved, ever will love.

"C'mon, let's get dressed and go into the common room," Harry said. Draco nodded in reply, so they both properly dried themselves off and threw on their clothes. "You forgot a shirt."

"Or maybe I just didn't want you to have a shirt," Draco told him with a wink.

"But I'll freeze!"

"Not if you stay with me you won't." Harry huffed in indignation and crossed his arms over his chest. "Who knew I was dating a first year!" Harry stuck his tongue out at Draco and then kissed his cheek before walking into the dorms. Ron and Blaise were both there, sitting on Blaise's bed, doing something together as well as watching Harry and Draco emerge from the shower together.

"Huh," Blaise muttered. "Always thought Potter would be a screamer." Ron turned an odd shade of green at the comment, and Harry turned to hide his face in Draco's shoulder. 

"Oh, he is," Draco assured him. "That's why we could never shag in the shower, he'd wake everyone from here to the Slytherin common room." Harry pulled away and playfully punched Draco's arm.

"You're not much better." Ron pretended to gag while Blaise just winked at Harry in knowing.

"This is bullying!" Draco whined.

"You two were doing this to me first!" Harry reminded him, grabbing the blanket from Draco's bed and heading out into the common room where Hermione, Pansy, and Luna sat, painting each other's nails. Draco paid no mind to them, he sat by the fireplace and scooted over to make room for Harry, who happily sat next to, cuddling into his side.

"Harry," Hermione piped up suddenly, looking over at him. Harry hummed in reply, leaning into Draco's touch as his hands brushed through his hair. "Can I paint your nails?"

"Uhm... No?" Harry said, unsure of his words.

"You can paint mine," Draco offered, surprising everyone in the room, including himself. 

"What the fuck?" Pansy exclaimed. "I've known you forever and you've  _never_ let me paint your nails!"

"Exactly, Hermione is much neater and I trust her more with this," Draco told them, moving around a bit so he was the one laying on Harry, with the Gryffindor running his fingers through Draco's blond hair. Hermione slipped off the couch and sat next to Draco and Harry.

"What color?" Draco shrugged.

"Surprise me." Hermione gently took one of Draco's hands and uncapped the nail polish, which was turning into a pretty rose pink. Harry laughed quiet and continued running his fingers through Draco's hair.

"I've never seen a couple better suited for each other," Luna commented. Pansy couldn't help but nod in agreement. Draco hadn't been this happy for years, Potter was making him happy, he was fixing Draco and Pansy couldn't have asked for more. Of course, she knew Draco would find a guy despite his insistent rants about how he is  _not_ gay. But she knew Draco, too, he wouldn't stay with Potter like he probably should, he'd break his heart and find some girl to make his family happy. "He's going to break Harry's heart, isn't he?" Luna whispered.

"It's inevitable. Draco loves him, but he doesn't realize that Potter needs him. He'll leave at the end of the year, find some girl he doesn't love and marry her to please his father," Pansy explained quietly. 

"I don't think either of them can endure more heartbreak than they have already." Pansy sighed and looked over at them, Draco peacefully asleep on Harry's chest while the Gryffindor kept admiring him, and Hermione continued painting his nails. 

"I don't either. We're all pretty broken from the war, but those two got the worst of it, in a weird sense. I'm glad they found each other, but I also wish they hadn't because after this they'll never be the same."

"Just be there for Draco when the end comes."

"And you be there for Harry, just... don't tell him anything."

"I wouldn't dare break him before it has to be done."


	12. Valentine's Day

"I cannot believe Granger painted my nails  _pink_!" Draco exclaimed for the fifteenth time that morning. Harry tried not to groan. If it had really bothered Draco, then why didn't he just take it off? It really wasn't that hard to do. Harry had already suggested that to him, but he had refused to take it off almost instantly, so he gave up trying to help the Slytherin with this problem that wasn't really a problem. From across the table, Blaise sighed again and looked at his friend.

"It suits you, Draco, matches your cheeks when you blush," Blaise commented. Blaise and Pansy had been half-way adopted into their friend group, like Harry, Hermione, and Ron had been half-way adopted into theirs, they got along well, they hadn't even argued since the start of this school year. Draco, a week or so ago, had gone on and on about how his two friends had changed, they were more accepting now, a lot more mellow, and Blaise had apologized for ridiculing Draco's Dark Mark, saying he was simply insecure of his own.

Pansy, though her apology was more subdued, was given nonetheless, and Draco forgave her with a hug. That had only happened this morning. Harry was squashed in between Draco and Pansy in that particular moment because the six of them decided to sit as close as humanly possible, despite all the space left at the table. "It's like the exact shade of his blush," Pansy agreed with a nod. At the comment, Draco did just that: blushed. Harry grabbed his hand and lifted his nails to his cheek.

"Perfect!" He exclaimed playfully. Draco swatted Harry's hands away and pouted.

"This is bullying!" Draco whined, turning to bury his face in Harry's shoulder.

"That's what I was aiming for," Hermione said. Draco sent a glare in her direction but it didn't last long, as he cracked up into a fit of laughter. "What?"

"Nothing, nothing. It's just- the six of us are practically all friends now, two couples and a couple of others who still can't figure out what their sexuality is!"

"I fancy Millicent," Pansy said mindlessly, taking a bite of eggs. Blaise nodded once and glanced over at the Slytherin table.

"I wouldn't mind being with Astoria, she's mellowed out and matured over the last year," Blaise told them. "But Theodore Nott was always someone I wouldn't mind shagging."

"Dear god," Ron moaned, turning to Hermione with a pleading look on her face, but she just grinned.

"Perhaps if I wasn't engaged, Pansy, I'd probably fancy you." Pansy nearly beamed at the comment and sent a wink in her direction. Ron paled and glared at the Slytherin girl, but Hermione was quick to elbow him in the ribs. "Calm down, I'm not leaving you, Ronald."

"Hmm, well, I'd say I'm happy with my partner, wouldn't you?" Draco mused, turning to face Harry, who was nodding in agreement. "What about you, Weaselbee? Anyone else you might fancy?"

"No, Hermione was always the only one for me, the only one I could ever see myself marrying." Hermione smiled at his words.

"We're such saps!" Blaise groaned, burying his face in his hands. Draco sighed dramatically and pretended to faint, while Pansy stood up and leaned across the table, planting a solid kiss on Hermione's cheek.

"Ron might have your neck for that one," She warned Pansy, who shot Ron a dazzling smile. Blaise saw this go on, so he leaned over and kissed Ron's cheek. He flared bright red, a color oddly similar to his hair. Draco turned and kissed Harry's cheek, shrugging sheepishly. 

And that day sparked a friendship in the six of them, it was a day none of them would ever come to forget.

**// this is a month and a half time skip? the night before valentine's day lol sorry //**

"We all have a Valentine for tomorrow, huh?" Neville commented, sitting on the couch with Luna in his lap. All the eighth years were seated in the common room except for Crabbe, who had become something of a loner ever since Goyle had died back in seventh year. They, of course, tried reaching out to him, but he never made any real effort to be their friend. Dean and Seamus had been friends with Ron and Harry in the past, so they were quick to be welcomed by everyone, and same went for Millicent and the Slytherins.

"All except Harry and Draco," Dean teased. He and Seamus were happily together, and according to them, they had been since they were in third year. Harry rolled his eyes and turned to kiss Draco's jaw. All the eighth years knew they were together now, including Crabbe, and no one seemed to care. Draco was sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, Harry sat between his legs, his back resting against Draco's chest.

"The girls are going to flock you both, mainly you, Harry," Millicent warned. She and Pansy being together was something no one saw coming. Millicent was complaining about how she didn't have anyone to spend Valentine's Day with, which resulted in Pansy asking her out without a second thought, and Millicent gladly agreed. And after that, Millicent had kissed Pansy. Astoria had asked Blaise, much to everyone's surprise, and left him a stuttering mess. 

Neville and Luna were spending Valentine's Day in Hogsmeade along with Ron and Hermione, Blaise and Astoria were as well, but they were just going with each other instead of another couple. Millicent and Pansy were spending it in their room because both girls had wanted some alone time. When they said this, Draco had practically thrown up all over the girls. Draco and Harry were doing... well, whatever they were doing to do, while Dean and Seamus were treating it like any other day. 

"I just wish the two of us could go to Hogsmeade as a proper couple," Harry murmured, burying his face in Draco's neck.

"Me too, but more than that I wish that Draco would just gather up some courage so the two of you could go to Hogsmeade together as a proper couple," Pansy retorted. She sent a sharp glare at Draco who just ignored it and shurgged. "Anyway, Milli and I are going to go to bed now. Hermione, Luna, I recommend waiting a bit before coming to bed." The two shot them all an innocent looking smile and disappeared into their dorm room.

"At least we're not that bad," Draco muttered, mostly to Harry. Harry snorted but said nothing more. Dean and Seamus shared a quick glance and got up as well.

"It is getting pretty late, we'll get to bed too. Neville, you're safe to come in whenever." They left the common room next. Leaving Neville to slump into the couch with a thankful sigh.

"Walking in on them is not fun, believe me."

"We should get to bed too, right Draco?" Harry told him, getting to his feet and offering him a hand up.

"Oh yeah, Blaise, Ron, I'd wait for about-" Harry cut him off by elbowing him in the ribs.

" _No_. Come in whenever you want to, we're not going to scare the unknowing, Draco. We're  _not_ having sex tonight," Harry chided him, leading Draco into their dorms.

"Blaise, have you managed to talk any sense into Draco?" Hermione wondered. The five of them along with Pansy had all been doing their best to convince Draco to stay with Harry at years end, or, better yet, to come out before then. Blaise and Pansy were the ones doing the talking, while Ron, Hermione, Luna, and Neville were trying to get Harry to guilt trip Draco into staying, but the bloody Gryffindor refused to do such a thing. 

"No, he said that he was already getting letters from his father concerning the issue at hand, he wants to be more careful now," Blaise replied.

"Well shit." Everyone laughed at Neville's language.

In the dorm room, Draco was practically crushing Harry as he clung to him, soft cries slipping from his lips. "He knows," Draco murmured again, clutching Harry's shirt tightly. Harry continued to rub small circles on Draco's back, letting the blond cry into his shirt. "He said there was no way what you and I have is friendship. He said he's never seen me so affectionate or so... happy. He's absolutely furious, Harry." He kissed the top of Draco's head as a show of comfort.

"It'll be okay, Draco," Harry whispered.

"Said I better not let anyone find out," Draco continued. "That it would be a shame for the Malfoy name to be tainted with people like me, told me that it was unnatural. What's so unnatural about loving someone?"

"I don't know, love, I don't know. We don't have to let anyone else find out, it's okay. Whatever you want, it's all up t you," Harry assured him. Draco pulled away for a minute and looked up at Harry with teary silver eyes.

"I just want you," Draco breathed. "I want to be happy." Before Harry could get another word in, Draco's lips were on his in a rush. Shirts were discarded moments later, pants were lost, silencing charms were cast, the curtains drawn tightly shut. "You," Draco breathed again, writhing beneath him breathlessly. "You're all I ever wanted. I love you."

"I love you too." Harry came first, inside Draco, resulting in the other boy coming after him, crying out his name. Harry cast a cleaning charm and laid next to him. Neither boy was motivated enough to slip their clothes back on, they just wanted to lay next to each other, holding on to the other like their lives depended on it. "Don't leave this time," Harry begged, holding onto Draco tighter.

"I won't, love, I promise I'll never leave. I can't leave you." Draco knew it was a promise he couldn't uphold, but for the sake of tonight, it was okay. He wouldn't leave in the morning, he wouldn't leave the bed until Harry was awake too and they could shower together and get dressed together, just the two of them. Because they were in love, a type of love neither thought they would ever be able to give or receive.

//

"Oh dear god-  _holy shit!_ " Harry was startled awake by a loud voice he immediately recognized as his best friend's. He cracked his eyes open and looked up at a pale Ron. "You're naked!" Harry's eyes widen and he glanced down, and sure enough, he was on his stomach, his ass proudly in the air. He flushed red and tucked his body under the cool blankets.

"S'goin' on?" Draco grumbled, tightening his grip on Harry before opening his eyes and glaring up at Ron. "Go, Weasel, leave. Close the curtains and leave." Ron didn't have to be told twice, he snapped them shut harshly and could be heard scurrying away. Draco sighed contently and sat up, flipping Harry over and straddling his waist. "You up for a second round?" Draco mused. 

"Cast a silencing charm and I think I may be," Harry replied quietly, rubbing his hands up and down Draco's thighs. Draco leaned over and grabbed his wand, casting a quick silencing charm, leaning down to kiss Harry feverishly.

After they had finished and cleaned themselves up, they showered, got dressed, and exited the empty dorms, making their way to the Great Hall while hand in hand. Harry wasn't sure if Draco noticed they were holding hands or if he just didn't care, or perhaps a mixture of the two- after all, today was Valentine's Day. He only let go when they sat down next to each other. 

Harry was almost immediately swarmed by girls, all asking and nearly begging him to their Valentine. Harry had the urge to look over at Draco for help, but the blond was already glaring at them all. If looks could kill, they're all be dead in a heap on the ground. After a moment of politely declining them, Draco had enough, so he rolled his eyes and stood up.

"Shoo! All of you! Harry doesn't want to be your date for Valentine's Day!" Draco bit, sitting back down on the bench with a huff. Everyone in the Great Hall held their breath. They already all thought Harry and Draco were together, they just wanted the rumors to be confirmed, and they realized now may be the time. 

"And how would you know?" A sixth year Ravenclaw snapped back, crossing her arms over her chest.

"He already has one!" Harry stiffened and grabbed Draco's hand from under the table, discretely lacing their fingers together.

"And who would that be?" Harry looked over at Draco worriedly with the question. He wanted them all to know, but after last night he wasn't quite sure if Draco was okay with this. Draco simply turned back to face Harry, pondered his options for a moment, and kissed him. Harry didn't know what to do for a moment, but ultimately decided  _'fuck it'_  and kissed him back. Gasps seemed to echo throughout the Great Hall.

"Well that was certainly unexpected," Ginny muttered from the Gryffindor table which was right behind them. Draco pulled away first and rested his forehead against Harry's, shaking slightly because  _oh my god_  they just kissed in front of the entire school.

"Fuck the Malfoy name," Draco whispered, his voice barely audible. Even Harry strained to hear it, but when he did, he grinned and kissed Draco one more time, just briefly, and pulled away. "I suppose if you lot still need an answer, it's me. I'm his Valentine's Day date, so go away." They all scurried off to their respective tables.

"What a lovely way to come out to the school," Harry mused. 

"I admittedly did it as a big  _'fuck you!'_  to my father," Draco told him, shrugging. "Though, of course, not having to hide things with you anymore is simply an added bonus." Harry chuckled quietly and wrapped an arm around Draco's waist, planting another kiss on his cheek.

"Sap," Harry murmured. Draco rolled his eyes and shoveled another bite of eggs into his mouth. "Love you." This made Draco smile, it made his heart flutter inside his chest and a small laugh rolled off his lips.

"Love you too, scarhead," Draco replied, ruffling Harry's hair. Harry pouted at the comment but began laughing a moment later anyway.

"We should go to Hogsmeade together," Harry suggested, resting his head on Draco's shoulder. 

"I never thought you'd be one to display affection in public," Ron told Harry, his face strangely pale. "And I never thought Malfoy would let you."

"He's cute," Draco said with a shrug. "And we should, we can snog in Zonko's and scare everyone." Harry shoved him playfully, making the whole table laugh. This was nice, Draco decided to himself, he could get used to this. 

//

"Let's go to Honeydukes!" Draco said excitedly. Harry couldn't believe how enthusiastic this eighteen-year-old boy was about going there, but he grinned anyway and gave in, taking Draco's hand and leading him towards to shop. The entire day was smooth sailing thus far, no angry letters or hexes, just a happy couple displaying their affection without trying to keep it a secret anymore, and they both absolutely loved it. 

"You're such a child," Harry teased. 

"But you love it!" Harry couldn't deny that, because he really did love it. But maybe that had something to do with the fact he was head over heels in love with that boy. Draco laced their fingers together and sped into a jog, nearly dragging Harry to the shop behind him.

"Lucky I love you," He grumbled. Draco halted and kissed his cheek before they entered the shop. Harry couldn't hide the smile that made its way onto his face at the way Draco's eyes lit up brighter than Christmas lights when he entered. "You're so excited," Harry murmured, mostly to himself, but Draco just turned to him and shrugged sheepishly.

"I've never really been here," Draco admitted. "My father never really let me be happy like this, never let me have that childlike sense of happiness. Maybe I'm making up for all of that now, I hope you don't mind." Harry smiled, pulling Draco into a tight embrace.

"Of course I don't mind, how could I?" Draco pulled away a moment later and began walking around, leaving Harry to trail behind him happily. In the end, Draco didn't get much. A couple boxes of chocolate frogs and a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans, something Harry hadn't had in years. 

"Where else should we go?


	13. Baby

Everything was fairly smooth sailing up until the first day of March when Hermione went into labor. According to Draco, it was in the middle of class when the contractions started. She brushed it off for awhile until they finally became too unbearable and she finally decided to do something about them. She had told Ron, and he whisked her off to the Hospital Wing immediately. Draco had run off to find Harry, but like most days, he had been perched up on the Astronomy Tower, gazing out over everything he could see.

It took Draco a while to find him, but when he did, he explained in a rush what happened, and soon they were both rushing to the Hospital Wing. Madame Pomfrey wouldn't let them in, so Draco and Harry sulked outside the Hospital Wing. They sat on the floor in complete silence for what seemed like hours. Draco toyed with Harry's hand, studying it intently, moving the fingers, simply studying it while Harry waited for any word on Hermione's condition.

"I hope she's okay," Harry finally said, resting his head against the brick wall behind him, sighing deeply. Draco scooted closer to Harry and rested his head on the younger boy's shoulder, kissing his jaw lightly. He relaxed at the touch and moved his hand so he could intertwine their fingers together. 

"You know her better than I do, and even I know she won't let something like childbirth affect her more than it absolutely has to. She's tough, Harry, and you know that." Harry nodded in response, sighing deeply. "You look absolutely exhausted, you should get some sleep."

"I don't want to leave-" Draco waved his hand to interrupt him, and the blond pulled himself into a sitting position. 

"C'mon, you can sleep right here." Harry didn't argue. He sprawled out on the floor and rested his head in Draco's lap, relaxing as finger starting running through his hair. It didn't take him long to fall asleep, his body was craving it, he needed it desperately. Draco was tired too, truthfully, but he had to stay awake in case Ron ran out here and... oh, if Ron came out here it would be physically impossible to sleep through his excitement. 

Draco moved a bit, careful to make sure Harry didn't wake up and slipped into a more comfortable position, letting his eyes slip shut. Last night neither of them had properly gotten sleep, they stayed up all night talking once again, and it was pleasant, as every night with Harry was, but it felt... more peaceful. Draco relaxed further and finally slipped into slumber.

//

The boys both woke up to Madam Pomfrey in the early hours of the night, explaining how Hermione had her baby and she and Ron were asleep while she tended the baby, and if the two boys so desired they were welcome to sleep in the Hospital Wing until morning. She told them usually only family would be permitted to see them at this point, but they were practically family anyway. Harry was quick to agree, so she led them to a bed across from theirs.

"As long as you stay quiet. And tomorrow I'm sure they'll introduce you to the child, so for now just rest. I'm absolutely positive they won't mind you being in here, Ron kept begging me to let you in." They nodded in agreement, hardly noticing her words as they were still half asleep. Harry laid down and Draco practically climbed on top of him, securely wrapping his arms around him. 

"Maybe one day this could be us," Harry whispered. Draco tensed up. This could never be them because at the end of the year... he still needed to find an heir, his father would be furious if he didn't. Even now, his father had been threatening him, telling him to leave Harry. He didn't respond to his father's letters anymore, they hurt him too much. He knew what he had to do without his father reminding him every other day.

"Last time I checked, neither of us can give birth," Draco teased. Harry snorted but said nothing more, he just kissed the top of Draco's head. The older boy relaxed at the gesture because Harry didn't know what he was going to do, what he was planning to do. Draco shut his eyes tightly and forced back the tears that so desperately wanted to spill. This was going to kill him, Draco knew it, it would kill both of them. "I love you." 

//

They woke up the next morning to a baby crying. Draco was off Harry the second his eyes opened, and mere seconds later they were both by Hermione's bedside, where she lay, feeding the baby. Ron was awake too, gazing lovingly at his fiancee and the mother of his child. Harry felt a rush of pride surge through him, his best friends were parents and they made  _him_ the godfather, he felt honored in every way.

"She's beautiful," Draco murmured, grasping Harry's hand tightly. Hermione looked up at them tiredly and smiled. The baby was done eating now, and just comfortably sleeping in Hermione's arms.

"Do you want to hold her?" Hermione offered. Draco's eyes widened, and he nodded rapidly, holding out his arms so he could take Rose. Hermione gave her over and slumped back into the bed while Draco stared down at the baby with wide eyes. He'd never held a baby before, truthfully, but after watching other people do it so often he felt like he knew how. He was genuinely surprised Hermione had let him hold Rose before Harry got to, and he was surprised Ron had even let him at all.

"She's so small," Draco whispered.

"Yes, well, she  _is_ a baby," Harry reminded him. "Whose last name does she have?"

"Both," Ron replied. "Rose Granger-Weasley, your goddaughter." Harry beamed at the words, smiling down at the small bundle in Draco's arms. "Might as well be your goddaughter too, Draco, since you and Harry are practically attached at the hip. If something happened to us  _and_ him, we'd want you to have her." That was it, Draco's heart melted and he let a few tears slide down his cheeks.

"Really?" Hermione and Ron both nodded. "I'm honored, I- are you sure?"

"You've changed, Draco, a lot. For the better, too. Instead of a godmother we might as well name you a second godfather, I know we didn't exactly ask, but would you be up for the task?" Hermione asked him. He couldn't speak, he just nodded in reply. "Ginny might be a bit hurt, but she'll get over it."

"You're both going to be amazing parents, I can already tell," Draco assured them. He knew they both had their doubts, everyone in the room had their doubts about themselves. But Draco knew that Ron would be a good father, a mixture of strict and fun, just the right amount of both. Hermione would be caring and loving, she'd probably give in to Rose's every wish once she got old enough to speak.

"I still can't believe I'm a father," Ron admitted. "But I'm so happy that I am." Turns out, Draco was just as much as a friend to them now as Harry was. They hadn't been through as much with him as they had with Harry, but that didn't change a thing, there was no one else they would've had in that room than Draco and Harry, the two godparents of their baby.


	14. A risk, a note, and a goodbye

April. It was the middle of April. Harry hated that month and he wasn't quite sure why. Well, no, he  _was_ sure why. It was because every single time the month came back around, his stomach dropped with fear because wasn't it always in April that something went really wrong for him? It seemed to be that way, anyway. Regardless, it was always during spring and April, in his mind, was the first month of spring and it always scared him. His life stuck to unusually patterns, so why should this year be any different, even with Voldemort gone and his life seemingly on track, doesn't everything always go to shit?

Draco had become more fidgety as time dragged on, and Harry was absolutely terrified of losing him, but every day it went on it became worse, harder to handle. Harry could not lose him, he was sure, it would break him. Harry didn't want to break, he didn't want to lose him, and he was pretty damn sure Draco felt the same way. So, Harry began thinking of ways that might make Draco stay. Sure, his friends told him to guilt trip Draco, but he refused to do that, so he began thinking of ways all on his own.

Not that his ideas were any good, in fact, they would probably do more harm than good but he was becoming desperate and he wasn't quite sure what else he could do. He finally just accepted his fate. That maybe the only way to keep him here was to do something incredibly stupid, but also something incredibly wonderful if it worked. If he even went through with it, because he was scared to do it, but he was even more scared to lose him and it was an endless circle of back at forth, around and around.

He just needed to break the circle.

And he needed help to do it, too, and who better to ask than Hermione? He didn't even want to do that, though, because he was nearly one hundred percent positive what her response would be and he didn't want to hear it. Ron, if he told him, he'd just choke and probably die because  _that's not a good idea, Harry_. If he told the Slytherins... well, they might actually be for it, he could go to them and hope they wouldn't shoot down the idea or tell Draco.

"Pansy?" He was trying to lure her and Blaise away now before his other two friends spotted him and wanted in on what he was doing, because then they would proceed to tell him what a shit idea it was. "Blaise!" He hissed again, motioning the two of them to follow. They exchanged confused glances with each other but followed Harry down the corridor nonetheless. "You're the two trying to talk some sense into Draco, right?" He asked them, though he knew the answer.

"Yes?" Pansy replied cautiously. What was he doing? This was a terrible idea! But also not- he wasn't quite sure if it was. He took a deep breath and began to explain his plan to them. At first, like he expected them to be, they were incredibly shocked. But after he explained everything, they nodded more in understanding than before. Soon enough, Pansy was eagerly on board with the plan. Blaise was still hesitant, but he wasn't completely against it which was probably a good thing.

"It's really rushed," Blaise told him. "I don't think it's a good idea, I will admit, but I think it may be the only thing that could work." The more the three of them talked through it, they uncovered more of the negative aspects, but Harry didn't really care. He wanted this, he wanted Draco, and this very well may be the only way at this point. 

"Are you going to go through with it?" Pansy finally asked. Harry nodded almost immediately, making the girl grin. "Good, I want to see him happy, Harry. And you. If this doesn't go to plan, well, we'll talk to him, don't worry." 

"Thank you so much, Pansy, and you too, Blaise." They both nodded, so Harry walked off and decided to go see Hermione next. He wasn't going to tell her the details like he did with the Slytherins because she'd immediately decline what he was going to ask her to do, but he needed it. He didn't even tell Blaise or Pansy this part of the plan because they'd try to stop him too, and Merlin knows he couldn't deal with staying here if this didn't work out.

"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed happily, inviting him into her room. She'd stopped going to classes and instead the teachers came to her, making it so much easier for the young mother. She ushered him inside and sat on the chair next to the bed. "Be quiet, though, Rose is finally asleep. What do you need?"

"How did you know I needed something?"

"You don't come visit me without something in return," She told him. She didn't mind, really, they saw each other a lot anyway. "So, what is it?"

"Can you make me a portkey?

"A port- why on earth would you need a portkey? Unauthorized ones are illegal, Harry!  _Illegal_! What's so important that you need one?" She whispered furiously, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

"Ah, well, I can't exactly tell you," He said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "You've just got to trust me."

"Every single time you tell me to trust you, you almost end up getting yourself killed. After everything, I will not let you get yourself killed now."

"I promise you, 'Mione, I will not get myself killed." She let out a long sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"As long as you stay safe, maybe I can..." She trailed off and shook her head. "You know what? No, you've got to tell me why. I can't risk it." 

"Alright, but you can't tell anybody and you can _not_  try to stop me because if you do I'll just figure out some other, probably less safe way." She nodded slowly and agreed, so he explained everything to her next. By the end of the explanation, she was nearly in tears. She climbed out of the chair she was in and pulled Harry into a hug, a tight hug, and she didn't let go for quite a while. "So will you do it?"

"Give me a time and a place and I'll do it. But Harry... don't ignore us, please. Don't completely cut us out, at least not me, not me... I couldn't bare to lose you now." He didn't respond to this because if he was being honest with himself, that's exactly what he was going to do if his initial plan went to shit. He just hugged her tighter. "Please, Harry..."

//

A day later, a fearful Hermione, two mildly excited Slytherins, and a nervous Harry, he finally decided to set his plan in place. He didn't know what to do, though, because he didn't want to frighten Draco or scare him off, or... Harry paced the common room, eager awaiting Draco's arrival with every passing minute, and with every passing minute, he became more and more nervous until he felt like he was going to explode. He told the two Slytherins to somehow keep all of the eighth years out of the common room and dorms, and so far, they'd done a good job, even Crabbe wasn't here.

Finally, the common room door opened and Draco stepped in, making Harry's heart speed up and his brain grow fuzzy. He was scared, how did people do this without bursting into tears or losing all breath? "Harry?" Draco whispered, walking over to the younger boy who was nearly frozen in place. He couldn't do this, he couldn't... Draco walked over to him and pulled him into a hug. Harry nearly collapsed in his arms, shaking and nearly crying.

"I can't lose you," He mumbled against Draco's shoulder. He held him tighter, letting out a small sob because he truly couldn't lose this boy, which brought him back to his original plan. He pulled away and quickly dried his eyes, letting out a watery laugh. "Looking back on it this plan was stupid, but I just... can't lose you." He fumbled for his pockets and pulled out a small, velvet box.

"Harry..."

"Please don't say anything yet," Harry murmured. "Just...I don't want to lose you. I can't, I... this is my way of asking you to stay. Even if you decline my proposal, I don't care as long as you stay with me." Harry opened the box and showed the ring to Draco. It was a simple silver band, no engravings, just plain. "I just need to know if I'm wasting my time and letting myself fall deeper in love with you if you're just going to end up leaving." Draco didn't reply right away, he just closed the box and pulled Harry into a deep kiss.

"You know where I stand, love," He murmured against Harry's lips.

"No, Draco, I don't know where you stand," Harry mumbled back, pulling away to look at Draco properly. "Because first you promise you won't leave and then you say you have to, and... I'm so confused, Draco, I can't go along knowing you'll leave me in the end." Draco took the hand that wasn't holding the box containing the ring and kissed his knuckles softly.

"My father..." He croaked. Harry pulled his hand away roughly and turned to glare at Draco. "I have to..."

"No! You don't! You have a  _choice_ , Draco! This isn't like before, you're eighteen, this is  _your_ life! Not your father's!" Harry bit. "Besides, we're out now, he knows. Why should it matter what he thinks anymore? We conquered the biggest part. You told me at the start of the year that letting other people control your life won't get you anywhere, but what do you do? Let other people control it!" Harry rubbed his cheek and turned away from Draco. He couldn't stand the look of hurt Draco was looking at him with.

"He's my father..."

"Oh please, you cannot tell me you're choosing your abusive father over me?"

"I..."

"I thought I meant something to you!" Harry hissed angrily, running a hand through his already messy hair.

"You do!"

"Let me get this straight, you're going to choose someone who abused you for years over  _me?_ "

"Harry... you don't understand..." Finally, Harry turned around and jabbed a finger into Draco's chest.

"The way you make it seem... did he abuse you?" Draco opened his mouth to reply, but only managed a short nod. "I do understand! Abuse is something I've dealt with since I was a toddler! Getting smacked around because I cried when I wanted attention or more food, getting hit by my older cousin and watching as my guardians turned the blind eye, letting them push me around like a toy!" Harry was nearly fuming now. "Getting locked in a cupboard for days when I was barely three years old, getting yelled at for crying because I was hungry!" 

"Harry, I-"

"No! Don't apologize or say you didn't know. I don't want to hear it, I just want to know why you'd choose your abusive father over me?" Harry deflated at the words he spoke. He didn't mean to go off, but the simple knowledge that Draco was going to do this broke his heart. "Am I not worth the fight? I'd fight a million more wars if it meant I could stay with you, I'd fight them if it meant I could get one last kiss. I could never choose them over you. Hell, I wouldn't choose my parents over you!" 

"I love you," Draco said meekly. Harry looked down at the floor and blinked back some tears, but it didn't do much good. "I would choose you if I felt like I had a choice." Harry let the velvet box slip from his fingers as he pulled Draco into a rough kiss. Draco was quick to respond by kissing back with the same amount of force and slipping his hands behind Harry's neck, pulling him closer. "I really don't want to fight."

"Then we won't. Then choose me one last time," Harry said breathlessly, gently herding Draco to their dorm room. "Choose me one last time and you won't ever have to choose someone over me again."

"What-?" Harry cut him off with another kiss.

And that night the two made love again. 

The other eighth years (except for Ron, who was tending to his daughter that night) were flying that night, leaving the two lovers alone. They were all happy except for three people, and those three grouped together, whispering feverishly about what was going to happen. Hermione and Blaise both knew there was no way Draco would accept Harry's proposal, but Pansy had a little hope left in her. Hermione, though, was the only one who knew what Harry was planning to do if declined, and it left her with a heavy heart.

//

The next morning Harry was thankful he woke up first. He tossed some basic muggle clothes on and scribbled a simple note for Draco, before rushing over to Hermione's room. She was already awake, she invited him in with tear-streaked cheeks and shaking hands. She instantly pulled him into a hug and did her best to ignore the suitcase he held in his hand. She buried her face into his shoulder, letting out quiet sobs.

"Please don't leave," She begged, wrapping her arms around him tighter. "I'll do anything to get you to stay." Hearing how broken she was made him hurt, it made him feel guilty for what he was planning to do.

"Hermione, I have to..." The cry she let out after broke his heart all over again. 

"As long as you write me." He lied to her with a nod, assuring her that he would. She pulled away and sniffed, motioning the portkey that lay on her bed. "Don't be afraid to let yourself fall in love again. I promise not all of your relationships will be like this." She wiped her eyes and let out a quiet chuckle. "Out of everything you went through losing Draco is what breaks you."

"Imagine if you lost Ron," Harry told her.

"I'd... oh god Harry, I'm so sorry." He forced a shrug, walking over to the portkey, but before he grabbed it he turned back to her and pulled her into one last, tight hug. 

"Take care of Draco for me, I don't think he's capable of taking care of himself. I left a note under his pillow, tell him that. I don't want anyone else to see it, so I hid it," Harry told her. She laughed and pushed him towards the portkey.

"Go before I decided I can't bear to see you go." Harry didn't have to be told twice, he gave Hermione one last smile just as Rose began to cry and grabbed the portkey.

//

Draco woke up an hour after Harry left to a cold bed. He sat up and stretched, before tossing on some clothes and getting out of bed. The dorms were empty, not that Draco was too surprised, and he made his way into the common room. The first thing he saw was the black velvet box on the floor, and last night hit Draco like a ton of bricks. He sat on the floor and picked up the box, opening it up and pulling out the ring. It wasn't anything special, but it could symbolize endless love.

Suddenly Draco wondered why he declined Harry's offer. He was upset last night, sure, but Harry was right. Why would he choose his father over someone who would love him endlessly? Draco put the ring back into the box and slipped it into his pocket before he went down to the Great Hall. He was ready to take back his original answer, he wanted to marry Harry.

Once he reached it, though, the Great Hall didn't hold Harry. He walked over to the eighth year table and sat next to Ron. "Where's Harry?" He whispered. Ron flashed Draco a glance and turned back to his food.

"Ask Hermione," He replied coldly.

"Is everything okay?" Draco wondered, furrowing his eyebrows together.

"Go ask Hermione. She seems to know exactly what happened." Draco didn't even bother touching his food, he rushed up to Hermione's room without a second thought and knocked on the portrait. She opened it quickly, her cheeks streaked with tears and Rose held tightly in her arms.

"Oh, Draco..." She uttered. She pulled him inside and sat him on the bed, sitting next to him.

"Where..."

"He's gone, Draco," She whispered, rocking the baby in her arms.

"He's  _dead?_ " 

"No! No no no, he's... he's alive. Just.... gone." Draco froze. Gone? Gone? Harry was... gone?

"Where?" 

"I promised not to tell anyone. I made him a portkey, when I told Ron he was absolutely furious, I was genuinely scared. I promised, he needed my help so I gave it to him. He left you a note, you know, under the pillow on your bed," she explained. 

"What does it... what does it say?"

"I don't know, he just told me to tell you it was there." 

"He proposed to me last night," Draco murmured, pulling the box out of his pocket so he could show the ring to Hermione.

"I know. He said he was going to leave if you declined him, the only thing tethering him here anymore was you. Not us, you."

"I should've said yes. I love him."

"Go read the letter, it'll probably explain more than I can." Draco nodded and left, but not before giving her his thanks. He ran back to the dorms, grabbing the note from beneath his pillow.

_Oh Draco, I love you. I love you more than I've ever loved and I love you more than I ever will love again, and although things are not ending between us very well, there is nothing I would change, I'd go through everything all over again for you, all because I love you. You told me you'd break me, you'd turn me into a poet, so just think of this as a new beginning for me, a beginning I would never have if it weren't for you._

_I want you to start a beginning too._

_I want you to find some girl if you want to please your father, and I want you to produce the (second) best heir the Malfoy name has ever seen. I'd say the best, but you've already taken that title. Forget me or don't, I don't mind. As long as you're happy, my love. Huh, if we had gotten married would I have taken your last time? Would you have taken mine? Draco Potter, Harry Malfoy... hmm, maybe I'm biased but I prefer Draco Potter._

_Don't be afraid to fall in love again. That's what Hermione told me, so that's what I'm telling you. You told me that story about soulmates and... now I tell you, I think we truly were soulmates, just... the ones bound to break apart and make each other learn how to love and... love so passionately, I don't really know._

_Start over, forget me._

_Love, Harry_


	15. Letters

It only took Harry a couple weeks to settle into his New York apartment. He hadn't written anyone back at Hogwarts, nor did he plan to. He didn't even want to. He just hoped they were okay, he knew how half the school still saw him as a beacon of hope and he had needed to get away from it all. He had a single thing tying him to that place and he'd lost it, he'd lost Draco and everything other reason he wanted to stay. He now realized why falling in love was terrifying, why it was exhilarating and the most wonderful thing.

Love.

Hate is born from love. Fear is born of love. Everything in some way is born from love and that's why it was in every book, in every poem, on every last tongue, in every last heart, and in teary eyes. Why it was the subject of everything surrounding him, that was the goal of life. Love. Happiness. Harry had both those things for a while until they slipped through his fingers until he was grasping at microscopic shards of glass until his hands bled. 

Love love love.

That was the only thing he could feel, it was the only thing he could think about. The act of loving, the act of making love, the act of showing affection and  _love_. Fuck love and fuck Draco and fuck anyone who thinks love is the answer to everything. Fuck all of his goddamn poems for reminding him of what could have been and fuck his brain because that godforsaken boy was the only thing he could think about.

Fuck it all.

//

Draco wasn't coping much better than Harry was, but at least he had a pretty solid support system. Ron was pretty pissed at Draco because he was the one who made Harry leave as well as Hermione since she was the one who helped him. Hermione had let him sleep in her room because he said the dorm reminded him too much of Harry and it  _really did_ and he couldn't quite comprehend why. He felt so overwhelmed.

Draco never really left her room anymore, either. He was taking care of Rose while Hermione and Ron were at dinner or lunch and then he ate after everyone was asleep when he could sneak into the kitchens and steal whatever he could find. The system went on until the end of the school year when Draco decided he couldn't go back to Malfoy Manor, not with his father there. Not after how everything ended.

He had planned on grabbing all his money from Gringotts and just hiding away much like Harry had done, but he'd accidentally revealed this to Hermione, who whirled on him and began ranting about how she couldn't lose Draco too, they'd become too close over the school year to just let him leave. 

"The house that's being built in Godric's Hollow for Ron and I is rather big since we both want a large family and in case his side of the family ever wants to come stay. We could dedicate a room to you," Hermione offered, gently rocking the bassinet that Rose was currently sleeping in. 

"After everything I've put you through? I wouldn't want to impose-"

"Don't you dare worry about that. That was all Malfoy and I haven't seen him all year, I only know Draco. Of course you can stay, don't you dare worry," Hermione chided him gently. "I'm sure Ron would agree with me, so don't start worrying about him, either."

"Are you absolutely sure?"

"Would I offer you something like this if I wasn't sure?"

//

Six months later, Draco was still living in the Granger-Weasley household. Little Rose was now ten months old and he had become a sort of caretaker for her. Since both Hermione and Ron had gotten jobs, he had just started staying home and caring for her while her parents were gone. Both of them had expressed how thankful they were to have Draco there, and he was thankful to be there. If he was being honest with himself, he wasn't sure where he'd be right now if it weren't for them.

They had helped him cope and stay on his feet. They were still coping too, Draco knew it, he could see it in their eyes whenever they talked about Harry. Hermione looked as if she were going to cry while Ron just looked somewhere between nostalgic and angry. Draco felt all three emotions along with about fifteen more whenever the mere thought of Harry crossed his mind, which was pretty much all the time.

//

Hermione hadn't heard from Harry since he left, no one had. But she was the first one to hear from him since his departure. Christmas eve, a letter and package arrived with Hermione's name written on the front in calligraphy. She hesitantly opened the letter, mildly afraid of what it might be. She lost that sense of fear when she saw the familiar handwriting that was barely even legible. She was mildly honored that, out of everyone, Harry had chosen to write to her.

_Before you run off to go tell people I sent you a letter and a package: don't._

_I wanted to send you a copy of my newly published book of poetry, I wrote it under a fake name because I didn't want anyone to try and find me yet. I trust you to keep this between the two of us, right? Of course, I have no doubt in my mind. Anyway, it's mostly about love, mostly about... well, I'm sure you know._

_How's he doing, anyway? Or do you know? How are you and Ron doing? How's little baby Rose? I bet she's so much bigger now! I'd love you hear from you, I would love to know how everyone is doing there. New York is pretty nice, nothing like I had expected but I'm still very happy here, I'm glad I chose here and not somewhere else. Thank you again for helping me leave._

_Just send on owl back with Hedwig, she knows where I am, and she knows not to let anyone see her._

_Until next time_

_-Harry_

Hermione wanted so badly to go show the letter to Ron and give the book to Draco but a promise was a promise, even if she technically didn't agree to said promise. Harry trusted her, and in her mind, that was enough. She found a quill and a piece of parchment and scribbled back a sloppy reply.

_Harry! It's so nice to hear from you and know you're okay! I'm so glad you decided to publish your poetry, is it all new or are there any old works in it too? I can't wait to read it, seeing as you never let me read any of it before, I'm so glad you sent this, it's the best Christmas present I could've asked for._

_Draco's doing... he's doing okay. He misses you, you know? You probably don't want to hear this now, but the night after you proposed he came to me and told me he wished he would've said yes. He's still beating himself up over it. He lives with us now, he couldn't stand to go back to Malfoy Manor, so I offered him a place with us. He cares for Rose while Ron and I are at work, he's helpful. I think we'd all be lost without him._

_Ron's still furious with you, so if and when you want to see us again don't be surprised if he punches you, but then he'd hug you and probably cry until you promised never to leave like that again. He misses you, we all do. Draco more than the rest of us. I wish you would at least come see Rose, she's so much bigger now! She has tufts of red hair now with striking blue eyes._

_Please write back, Harry, I love talking to you. You made my Christmas by sending this letter._

_-Hermione_

_(P.S., Ron and I got married on your birthday, per my request)_

She tightly rolled up the piece of parchment and attached it to Hedwig's leg, who sat on the windowsill affectionately nipping at her hand _._ "You're not making this any easier," she told the owl. Hedwig stopped after and let her finish tying the parchment to her leg, flying back off into the night.

"Hermione?" She spun around at the voice and met Draco's curious eyes. He was holding a babbling Rose in his arms which made him look much less serious then he intended to. "Who was that letter for?"

"The Ministry," Hermione replied without missing a beat. 

"Huh, I guess I just thought the owl looked like Hedwig," Draco mused, setting Rose down in the high chair next to the table so he could get her some food. "Who's the package from?" 

"I-"

"Sorry," Draco apologized, setting a small bowl of food in front of Rose. "I shouldn't be so nosy."

"Don't worry about it, I'm nosy too."

She never did answer the question.

//

The next letter Hermione received from Harry was short and came four months later. It told her to meet him at a small muggle coffee shop on the outskirts of London, preferably just her and Rose. She immediately sent one back to him, asking a day and time. She'd be there, she promised him because she'd missed him long enough and she wanted to hug him and slap him but most of all she wanted to talk to him face to face and see him again. 

Two days later, another letter from Harry arrived. It was three in the morning, Ron wasn't there because he was on an Auror mission and Draco was sleeping a few rooms away, so when she woke up to Hedwig outside her window, she was filled with happiness. 

_Tomorrow at noon._

_-H_

Hermione flipped it over and wrote her confirmation on the back of the paper before giving it to Hedwig. She flew off into the night, leaving Hermione to slump back onto her bed, falling back asleep with a smile on her face. Draco, on the other hand, was confused and hurt. He knew that was Hedwig this time, months later, he would recognize that bloody owl anywhere. Hermione had been writing him and she hadn't bothered to tell anyone?

Draco sat up, frustrated, and climbed out of bed. He just stood there for a moment, debating what to do, before he walked out of his room and across the hall to check on Rose, who was sleeping soundly in her room. He couldn't help but smile, she was so peaceful, she didn't have a clue in the world about what was going on. He made his way into the bathroom and turned on the shower, stripping and stepping in a moment later.

Showers always managed to calm him down and make him feel at ease but this time it didn't do much good. He just stood there, letting the warm water splash down on his face. He couldn't put together why Hermione hadn't told anyone she was talking to Harry. Even if he'd told her to keep it a secret, this was the kind of secret that was equal to murder, you don't just  _keep it a secret_. Draco stepped out of the shower at least thirty minutes later and he dried off quickly.

It may have been four in the morning, but Draco knew he wouldn't be able to go back to bed. Not after this. He felt oddly betrayed, he definitely felt hurt. Draco walked downstairs to the kitchen, where he poured a bowl of cereal for himself, before going to sit on the couch. "Draco?" He turned around and saw Hermione leaning up against the doorframe, her face tired. "What are you doing up?" He was now stuck between telling her he knew and keep it a secret. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" He croaked weakly. He mentally slapped himself, both because he sounded incredibly pathetic and now Hermione was going to get mad and-

"Tell you what?" She walked into the room and sat next to Draco on the couch, comfortably resting her head on his shoulder. 

"That you were writing to him." Draco felt Hermione stiffen. "I don't know if you're going to deny it or not, but if you are, please don't. I know."

"I wasn't going to deny it. How do you know?" She wondered, sitting back up and yawning loudly. 

"I saw Hedwig leave, I couldn't mistake her for a second time." Hermione nodded and leaned back into Draco again. The two were very affectionate, much like siblings. Draco had mentally adopted Hermione as a sister anyway, one he'd never had, nor had she, and their other friends just felt like... friends. "Why didn't you tell me? Or Ron? Or  _anyone_ , for that matter?"

"He told me not to, so I didn't. I wanted to tell people, especially you. But I couldn't just betray his trust like that. He trusted me and I wasn't going to give him a reason not to. You know that book of poetry you like so much?" She asked him, yawning again. "Harry wrote them. About you." 

"What?" He gasped. Hermione nodded against his shoulder.

"Published them under a fake name, he didn't want anyone to find him." Draco nodded slowly, laughing slightly.

"I miss him. Do you think he still loves me?"

"Even after a year, I think a love like you two had would still be strong. I'll see if I can talk to him. See if he'd be willing to meet up with you, to see you again."

"Would you really?" 

"I'd do anything for my friends, Draco, you know that."

//

Harry sat in the muggle cafe alone, his leg bouncing up and down in anticipation while he waiting for Hermione to arrive. He was excited to see her but he was also nervous beyond all hell. He knew she'd try to get him to stay and he wasn't ready for that just yet, but he may be up for seeing Ron, though he wouldn't tell her that. Not unless she asked, not unless she wanted him to see Ron, then he was pretty sure he would.

But what about Draco? Would Harry want to see him? He wasn't sure. He wasn't sure where Draco stood and he wasn't sure where he stood. All he knew is he wanted to hug and kiss him and preferably never let him go, but if Draco didn't feel the same, he certainly couldn't see him again.

"Harry?" The sound of Hermione's voice made him smile wider than he had in months. He shot up out of his seat and rush over to her, wrapping his arms around her. He almost didn't even notice the small person she was carrying. "I missed you," She whispered, holding him tighter. 

"I missed you too," He replied, pulling away from her. 

"Mama?" Rose asked. "Who's dis?" Harry couldn't help but grin.

"This is Harry, Rosie. He's your godfather." The small child said no more, he wasn't quite sure she had understood. She just turned away and started happily babbling to herself. "She's usually a chatterbox," Hermione sighed, taking a seat next to where Harry was previously sitting. He sat down next to her. "She started talking pretty early and she catches onto words really well, she's already proving to be incredibly smart."

"Of course she is, she is your daughter, after all," Harry reminded her. "I'm so sorry I haven't been here to watch her grow up. Even if she's still got a long way to go."

"It's okay, Harry. You needed some time to yourself, I get that. Besides, Draco was there for us and her and she's been such a help. Oh, Harry, he misses you so much!" She gushed. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably. As much as he missed him too, he didn't know if he could do this over again. "He won't even talk to his parents, he... oh Harry, he saw Hedwig. He knows we've been writing."

"What did he say when he found out I was coming?"

"I didn't tell him. He was just hurt that I didn't tell him. He didn't say it, but I could tell he was hurt because you decided to write me instead of him. He still loves you, more than I thought possible." Rose didn't have a clue what they were talking about, she was busying herself by chewing on a piece of toast that Hermione had given her. "Please see him. I promise I'd ask you."

"I could possibly stay at your house for a couple nights if that's okay with you. I'd like to see Ron, too," Harry admitted, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "I'll stay for a couple or few days, but I might leave sooner if something happens between Draco and me." Hermione was beaming, she looked like she was going to burst with excitement.

"I'm sure the Weasleys along with Blaise and Neville. Maybe Luna, Pansy, and Millicent too... oh! And Dean and Seamus!" Hermione went on. 

"What's going on with them now, anyway?"

"Neville is an Auror, he and Ron are partners, but he wants to become the new Herbology Professor at Hogwarts after Professor Sprout is gone," She explained. "He and Luna broke it off in November, and soon after he found Blaise and they got together, something none of us expected. Luna and Ginny are together, I think Ron and I are the only couple who is with someone of the opposite sex. It's not surprising, though, wizards and witches are attracted to magic as well as the person who controls it, their sexuality is much more fluid."

"So Pansy and Millicent stuck together along with Dean and Seamus?" Harry queried.

"Dean and Seamus are engaged as of New Year's Eve, Seamus asked Dean. It was sweet, really," Hermione told him, smiling at the thought. "Pansy and Millicent are still together, too, they're absolutely perfect for each other." Harry couldn't help but smile back at Hermione.

"You could host a dinner if you want to, I'd love to see everyone again. But it would have to be a secret between all of us, I can't let the Ministry or anyone else know I'm here, even if it'll only be for a short amount of time." Hermione nodded in agreement.

"They ask about you often, especially Luna, she really misses you. Did I tell you she's expecting? Before she and Neville broke up she must've gotten pregnant, she found out in January, I was the first person she came to since I'd already given birth. Neville is excited, so is Blaise, along with Ginny. They're all happy, but it's still not the same with you away."

"I'm sorry I'm not going to stay. I wanted to move before eighth year but I didn't want to leave anyone so I stayed, and then Draco came along..." Harry trailed off, taking a small sip of his now cold coffee. 

"But you're going to see him?" Hermione asked again. Harry nodded. "You can stay with us for as long as you want to Harry," Hermione assured him. He wasn't quite sure why he suggested it, he'd planned to stay day and leave later tonight, but it was too late for that now; he was going to stay here for a while.

"Thank you."

//

When they arrived back at the Granger-Weasley home in Godric's Hollow, Hermione waltzed in with a sleeping Rose in her arms and Harry's hand tightly grasped in her own. She led Harry into the kitchen where Ron stood rummaging through the cupboards in search of something to eat. When he heard his wife come in, he turned to look at her, but instead of seeing just her, he saw Harry. He didn't look much different, Ron noted, except for the fact he now had some stubble and his hair was longer than usual.

Ron nearly dropped the cup he was holding in surprise.

He set in on the counter and rushed over to Harry, throwing his arms around him and pulling him into a tight embrace. Harry gladly wrapped his arms back around his friend and buried his face into Ron's shoulder. He had missed Ron so much, just a tiny bit more than Hermione, but certainly not more than Draco. None of them said a word as the two friends stood in the middle of the kitchen, clinging to each other. 

Not until little Rose woke up and squirmed in Hermione's arms until she set her down and she ran over to Ron with a short squeal of "Daddy!". Ron pulled away from Harry and furiously wiped his eyes before picking his daughter up and spinning her around, hugging her tightly. 

"Hey, sweetheart!" Ron said. 

"Missed you," Rose said happily. Harry shot Ron a confused glance.

"An Auror mission lasted longer then it was supposed to, I was gone for a little over a week." Then he turned to Hermione. "You told him Draco lived with us, right?"

"Of course I did!" She said indignantly, crossing her arms over her chest. "It would be cruel if I hadn't." 

"Harry," Ron breathed, setting Rose down on the floor to turn to his best friend. "How have you been, mate?" Harry breathed out a sigh of relief, taking a seat on one of the bar stools in front of the counter.

"I've been decent, wrapped up in publishing more of my works," He replied. 

"Publishing... you've published your poems?" This time Harry turned to Hermione, who gave him a sheepish smile.

"Promise not to get mad, but I've been writing Hermione a bit. The first time I did was Christmas Eve, I sent her the first book I published. It was under a Muggle name-" Ron cut him off.

"That book! Hermione told me I should read it, I wasn't sure why she wanted me to, but I did anyway. Oh Merlin, Now it makes sense! Were they all about..." Ron trailed off. He wasn't sure how Harry felt about seeing Draco again, and he certainly didn't want to push Harry too far.

"Yes, they're all about Draco. I couldn't seem to write about anything else after I left, I couldn't seem to think about anything else. Sometimes it still feels that way," Harry admitted. "Where is he now, anyway?"

"He was getting ready to go visit Blaise and Neville when I got home," Ron replied. "He said it had been too long since he'd seen them. I would've stopped him if I knew you were coming today."

"I didn't know I was coming until I saw Hermione. I had planned to see her and leave, but after seeing her... I couldn't leave without seeing the rest of you," Harry explained with a shrug. "It's alright, though, I'll see him later. I'll stay with you guys for a while, I'm not quite sure how long yet."

"How are you going to feel about seeing Draco?"

"Oh god, I don't have a clue. I don't know how he'll feel about seeing me." Hermione snorted from behind him, but covered it up with a cough.

"Sorry, but after you left he realized how hard it was, he realized he'd give up everything to see you again," Hermione told him. "Don't be scared of him, don't be scared to see him. I wouldn't be surprised if he drops to the floor and clings to your leg like a small child, begging you not to leave again. He's scared to see you, too, though he'd never admit it."

"Of course he wouldn't, he still had that sense of Malfoy pride tucked within him," Harry told the two of them, making both of them chuckle.

"I haven't seen that since he moved here, he acts like a housewife. He cleans for us, takes care of Rose when we aren't home, he's such a help." Harry grinned. He could see it, Draco managing everything while they weren't here, and it was such a sweet thought. Then the door opened and footsteps echoed throughout the quiet house. Then words flowed through the air, making his blood freeze.

"Harry?"


	16. I can't leave him again

Harry spun around the moment he heard the voice. Draco stood in the doorway to the kitchen, jaw dropped, eyes wide in surprise. His heart skipped a few beats in his chest. Draco's hair had grown out just past his shoulder's. His silver eyes were as piercing as ever, his skin seemed, if possible, even paler, and he appeared to be thinner than before. Harry couldn't tear his eyes away, and it seemed as though Draco was stuck in the same situation. Harry moved first, he slid off the stool he was sitting on and strode over to Draco, pulling him into a hug. 

He felt Draco melt into him the moment he was in his embrace and the older boy wrapped his arms back around Harry in return. They stood like that, much like Ron and Harry had, except this was more... intimate, in a weird way. Who knew a hug could be like this? The hug said all the "I miss you"s and the "I still love you"s for them. Hermione herded Ron out of the room to go check on their child, leaving the two boys alone. 

Harry had the overwhelming urge to cry. Draco was right here and he didn't know what to make of the situation. So he didn't think to make of it, he didn't try to talk, he didn't move. He didn't want to move, and neither did Draco. Though, when the time came for them to talk or move, Harry spoke up first. "I'm sorry." He felt Draco sigh and finally pull away. Harry nearly whined at the lack of contact, but he knew better than to do that.

"You shouldn't apologize to me, I should be the one to apologize to you." Harry leaned his forehead against Draco's and cupped both of his cheeks, running his thumbs along his cheekbones, smiling softly when Draco leaned into the touch. 

"I'm that case, I forgave you before I ever left," Harry murmured, brushing his nose against Draco's, debating if kissing him would be a good idea or not. Apparently not, because the blond pulled away, a light blush covering his cheeks and nose.

"Are you leaving again?" Harry didn't answer. He didn't think he could answer, quite honestly, because he wouldn't be able to stand the look of hurt Draco would show if he told him the truth."If you are, I want to spend every moment I can with you." Harry squeezed his eyes shut while Draco continued speaking. "If you are, tell me now so I can prepare for the inevitable end."

"I am," Harry croaked, his voice cracking on the second word. 

"Oh god," Draco whispered in reply, bringing the back of his hand up to his mouth, clearly fighting off the tears. 

"Cry," Harry said, and Draco did just that, he cried. Harry stood there, watching him because he knew his comfort would only make things worse. Or, maybe it wouldn't, Harry just couldn't bear to do anything to make it hurt more when he left again. Finally, Draco just held out his arms, so Harry pulled him into his arms.

"When are you leaving?"

"I don't know, in a few days, probably." Draco cried harder. Harry was fighting off his own tears, he never was good at being strong, especially when someone as strong as Draco broke.

"Can I go with you?" Harry didn't respond this time, either, he just continued rubbing small circles on Draco's back while he cried into his chest, sobs shaking his thin body.

"Harry?" He looked up to see Hermione looking at him with sympathetic eyes, teary eyes. That's when Harry lost it too, he began to cry and Hermione began to cry and he could hear little baby Rose crying upstairs and it was all a mess. "Please don't leave, Harry," Hermione whispered, leaning against the table. "Or... or if you do, don't stay away for so long, don't stay quiet for so... long."

"I love you," Draco mumbled against his chest, looking up briefly and kissing Harry's jaw, right below his ear. Harry slid down to the floor, Draco now just a shaking mess in his arms, while Hermione watched them with tear-stained cheeks. 

"I love you too," Harry breathed. "I'm going to leave again, 'Mione, but I won't leave alone." Hermione looked at him. clearly confused, then looked down at Draco, he was still clutching Harry tightly. "I can't leave him again." 

"I don't have to beg you to let me go with you, then?" Draco wondered. Harry let out a watery laugh and so did Hermione, who was drying her eyes with the sleeves of her jumper. 

"Hmm, I would never have guessed that Mafloy's will beg," Harry teased, drying his own eyes with the back of his hand. He felt Draco laugh against him.

"They don't, but after everything, my father practically disowned me," Draco admitted, pulling away from Harry to sit on the floor next to him, and a moment later Hemione joined them, sitting on the other side of Harry. "After coming out, after moving into a household that held the Weasley name... he was furious. He said he never wanted to see me again, I told him I felt the same and that was the end of that. Oh Merlin, Harry, I'm so sorry!"

"Shh, Draco, it's okay. Don't... don't worry." Draco leaned against Harry's chest and rested his head against his shoulder.

"I never imagined the two of you in this position," Hermione said, looking at the two of them with a small smile. "Not even after it was revealed the two of you were together, I never..." She trailed off when Ron entered the kitchen, looking at the three of them who were sitting on the floor in front of the cupboards.

"As heartwarming as this is, I haven't cleaned the floor for a while," Ron told them, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. Hermione rolled her eyes and got up off the floor.

"Yes, well, I clean the floors quite often, as I'm a witch and it's not hard to do," Hermione replied. Draco climbed off Harry and stood up, the younger boy following in suit. "I'll tell everyone we'll have a dinner tomorrow, I'm sure they miss you." Harry breathed out a sigh of relief and nodded.

"Not tonight?" Hermione grinned and shook her head. "Although I may invite Luna and Ginny over tonight so they can help me cook all the food we need." 

"Whatever works, 'Mione," Harry replied, wrapped his arms around Draco and burying his face into the back of his neck. His stomach twisted with unease, Draco was right here with him, his love, his muse, his everything, but he'd just lied through his teeth. Promising Draco he could come with him, it was a blatant lie.

He had someone back in New York. Someone Draco could never know about. Someone no one could ever know about.


	17. Love was never meant to be easy

Love was never meant to be easy. 

_"Lance," Harry murmured, rolling onto his side to see the boy staring down at him, a playful smile toying on his lips. Lance wrapped his arms around Harry and pulled him into his chest. They were currently laying in bed, dim sunlight shining through the window, producing patches of sunlight throughout the room. Harry had often wondered if he'd chosen this man because he had a striking resemblance to Draco, or simply because of who he was. After much thought, Harry had decided he didn't care. "Lance, I have to get up."_

And being in love with two people was even more difficult.

_"It's a Sunday, you don't have work on Sundays," Lance reminded him. Harry groaned and rolled over to face his lover, kissing his nose before getting into a sitting position. "Harry," He whined, sitting up next to him and resting a head on his shoulder, an arm draped around his waist._

Falling in love is the easy part.

_"Lance," Harry mocked playfully, turning to kiss Lance properly. The other boy melted at the touch, just in time for Harry to pull away. "I have to take a piss, then I can make you breakfast. I don't have to go anywhere today so we can spend it together." Lance beamed, capturing Harry in a kiss that lasted longer than the previous one._

Being in love is the difficult part.

_After Harry had done his business, he wandered into the kitchen and put a couple pieces of toast in the toaster and cracked a couple eggs into a hot pan. Lance was also a wizard, except he had attended the American school of wizardry, Ilvermorny. His house there was Thunderbird, named after the great bird that created storms as it flew. When they met, it was because Lance had recognized the infamous Harry Potter, it wasn't just Europe that knew his name or his face. Their first day together was spent fucking and talking about their schools. Now, their days were spent making love and living a domestic life._

Love isn't, and never will be, a break from the grips of reality.

_Lance was a lot like Draco in many ways. Stubborn as hell, sarcastic, but he was also a hopeless romantic wanting nothing more than to find the love of his life. His hair was blonde like Draco's was, but it was a dirty blonde and not so much a white blonde. His eyes were a striking and sharp blue, like the ocean reefs. His features weren't as pointed, nor was he as pale. He was shorter, his hands were smaller, his hair was trimmed shorter- but something about him still screamed Draco._ _His mannerisms were similar as well, fidgeting, lame poetic lines woven into every other sentence._

Love is the restraints reality has on us, some people are just lucky enough not to realize it.

_"Eggs?" Lance mused, sitting on a stool in front of the counter in their kitchen, resting his elbows on the marble. Harry grinned and buttered the toast, placing it on the plate and putting the egg on top. "Mmm, your eggs are the best. You always manage to cook them perfectly. How you achieve that, I'll never know." Harry did the same with his own food and leaned against the counter while he ate._

Tugging us back to earth with every touch.

_"I leave tomorrow," Harry said out loud, to no one in particular as they both knew it. It was the day before Harry arrived in London to visit his friends._

With every kiss.

_"I wish I could come," Lance sighed, pushing some egg around his plate with his fork._

With every longing glance.

_"Me too," Harry agreed. He was lying, of course, he didn't want Lance to go. He wanted Draco to himself once more. He'd told Lance all about Draco, but he never told him how much he loved the bloody git, or how hung up on him he truly was, or that all of his poetry was about Draco- not Lance._

And sometimes...

_"Maybe next time?" Lance suggested. Harry snorted but said nothing, because hopefully there would never be a next time. Not if he could help it. "Should we make the most of our last day together?"_

The restraints pull us too hard.

_"I'll only be gone for a week, tops," Harry reminded him, looking at his lover with raised eyebrows._

Or pull us too fast.

_"But that's going to feel like forever!" He whined, setting his plate in the sink before going over to Harry to capture him in a kiss._

And we hit the bottom with a sickening crack.

_"Go brush your teeth, you taste like morning breath and eggs," Harry teased. Lance pouted and went into the bathroom, leaving Harry to lean against the counter once more and ponder everything he's done wrong the past year._

And leave us to wonder where we went wrong.

//

Harry was pacing nervously in the kitchen, alone. Hermione, Rose, and Ron had gone over to visit the Weasley's before they came over and Draco went to drag Blaise and Neville along for the night. It was the night of the dinner and Harry began wondering if this was a good idea after all. He wanted to go back to his New York apartment, in the safety of solitude and Lance, because for some reason Harry had begun to miss the bastard. But even now, he missed Draco more.

Harry was on the brink of tears and he didn't know why. Well, maybe he did. He was incredibly overwhelmed and eager to see Draco when he got back but he was also eager to see Lance once he got back home. He finally stopped pacing because it was putting him more on edge, and he decided to simply take a warm shower. He walked upstairs and ducked into the bathroom after gathering up some clean clothes.

He was lounging on Draco's bed rereading his own poetry when he got back. He heard Neville's soft voice echo through the staircase and a laugh that could only be Blaise's. His insides turned and twisted with regret and nostalgia, and it only increased when he heard footsteps coming up the stairs, entering the room he was currently in. He heard Draco let out a small hum of amusement.

"Blaise and Neville are downstairs, they're both really excited to see you," Draco mused, taking a seat next to Harry. "Hmm, reading your own poetry?" Draco snorted, and Harry playfully hit his arm with the book, sitting up and kissing Draco's cheek before leaving the room. He heard Draco following him and it caused his stomach to feel warm and fuzzy, both with love and guilt, he wasn't quite sure which was stronger.

"Harry!" The smile that spread across Neville's face made Harry forget his current situation. He was incredibly fit now, unmistakably an Auror's physique. He walked over to Harry and swept him into his arms, wrapping him up in a warm hug. Harry hugged Neville back with the same amount of enthusiasm. Blaise was next, they both hesitated for a moment but in the end, they ended up sharing a brief hug, a very brief hug. "I missed you so much."

"Nice to see you again, mate," Blaise greeted. 

"And you, Blaise. I missed you too Neville! Hermione told me you're looking into becoming the next Herbology professor at Hogwarts?" Harry questioned, leading the two of them into the main living room. He sat on the chair across from the couch where Blaise and Neville sat, with Draco practically on his lap. Not that he minded, of course, he missed Draco. He missed holding him and being close to him and kissing him. He had missed his entire being.

"Yes! Professor Sprout told me she would be retiring after this school year ends, so that's what I'm going to try to do," He explained, intertwining his fingers with Blaise's.

"What are you doing now, Blaise?"

"Well, I'm studying to become a healer. I spent most of my life hurting people and... and I'd like to change that now," He explained, mindlessly playing with Neville's fingertips. "Besides, I always wanted to be a healer. My mom used to shoot the idea down." He frowned as if remembering the memory. 

"Well, at least she can't control you anymore," Draco reminded him happily. As soon as he said it, there was a knock at the door. Draco climbed off Harry's lap and rushed into the other room.

"This is the happiest I've seen him since you've left. You can't do that to him again," Blaise told him with a breathless sigh. 

"I won't," Harry whispered, mostly to himself. He knew it was a lie. He knew he would be leaving again without Draco, even though he told him otherwise. Draco came back into the room followed by Pansy and Millicent. Pansy walked over to Harry and punched his arm.

"That's for leaving. I'm glad to see you again, Harry." She smiled and leaned down to give him an awkward hug.

"I never knew you that well, so I'm not going to hug you. But, uh, it's nice to see you," Millicent said with a small, awkward smile. Harry returned it.

"The Weasley's are gonna be here with Luna anytime now, then it'll just be Dean and Seamus," Draco commented mindlessly, returning to his place on Harry's lap. He wrapped his arms around Draco's waist and held him close, making him smile.

"I haven't seen Dean and Seamus since they got engaged," Neville said, furrowing his eyebrows together. "They're supposedly looking to adopt after they get married."

"Where'd you hear that?" Pansy wondered, sitting on the floor between Millicent's legs, letting her play with her hair.

"Luna, of course. She's still in touch with everyone, told me Theodore Nott is married and has a kid and that Collin Creevy is dating some seventh year Slytherin," Neville explained. 

"It would be Luna who managed to stay in touch with everyone," Harry mused, resting his chin on Draco's shoulder. The blond tilted his head a bit to the side and laughed, craning his neck to place a soft kiss on Harry's temple. 

// 

The Weasley's were next to arrive, all rushing towards Harry with open arms. Molly Weasley was the first to hug him, nearly breaking him in the process. She kissed the top of his head and bustled into the kitchen, claiming she needed to make Treacle tarts for Harry. Arther just gave him a pat on the shoulder, while George hugged him and joked about how he thought he'd lost another brother, making Harry's heart ache with grief. Bill and Fleur both hugged him, and Charlie, once again, was in Romania. Ginny had hugged him and cried into his shirt for a solid five minutes (even though she'd seen him last night) before Luna managed to pull her girlfriend off him, reminding her that he needed his space.

Dean and Seamus arrived thirty minutes later, claiming they were out shopping for a gift to give Harry, presenting him with a houseplant there was no way he was going to be able to take care of. He set it on the counter by the kitchen sink just as Seamus came up and apologized for being late, admitting the real reason they weren't on time was because Dean had decided to shower and Seamus joined him and it got out of hand. "if you catch my drift." Seamus winked. Harry had nudged him with his shoulder.

"When's your wedding?" Harry asked, hopping up on the counter next to the sink. Seamus leaned against it.

"June twenty-sixth, we really wanted a summer wedding. Are you going to come?" Seamus asked.

"If I did I wouldn't go as me."

"But would you tell me you're you?"

"If you promise not to tell anyone else I'm there." Seamus nodding and smiled in agreement, then stuck out his hand. Harry shook it.

"Deal." He waltzed off into the other room, leaving Harry alone again to listen to the chatter in the other room. He couldn't make out separate conversations, just various groupings of words and the occasional response. He plucked a chocolate cupcake off the platter next to him and bit into it. He hadn't really eaten today so maybe a cupcake wasn't the best idea, but he didn't care. Luna made the best cupcakes he'd ever eaten.

"You look miserable." Harry looked back over at the doorway to the living room to see Blaise resting against the frame, looking at Harry with a curious gaze.

"I don't want to be here," Harry admitted. "I came to see Hermione, Draco, and Ron."

"Not the rest of us?" Blaise wondered, pushing off the frame and entering the kitchen, shutting the door behind him.

"That wasn't the plan. Of course, I'm happy to see you all, but I just... I want to go back." Blaise took a seat next to Harry on the counter and smiled sadly.

"I had a hunch you'd hide the whole time. I know we don't know each other as well as everyone else, but it wasn't hard to see how uncomfortable you were today." Harry forced a bark of laughter and shook his head.

"You're very observant, Zabini," Harry teased, though the playful tone of his voice wasn't there. 

"Even with Draco, you didn't seem as comfortable as you used to. It seems forced."

"Promise me whatever I tell you won't leave this room," Harry begged.

"You have my word."

"It  _is_ forced, Blaise," Harry began. "I haven't seen him in a year. I love him to pieces but I don't know how to be around him anymore. And I found someone..." He trailed off, eyes widening when he looked over to Blaise who seemed unbothered by this piece of information.

"That explains a lot," Blaise commented with a small nod. "Another love back home. Stuck between loving two people, feeling guilty for being with him because of Draco, but feeling guilty for loving Draco because you're no longer with him. Am I wrong?" Harry shook his head, his throat tightening.

"I'm so confused," He croaked. 

"I'm in no place to give relationship advice because Neville is my first proper partner. You're going to feel guilty either way, hurting either of them, but you can't be with both of them," Blaise explained. "Maybe it's because he's my best friend, but Draco..." Blaise sighed. "He loves you more than I've seen anyone love anything. He'd do anything for you, there is not a thing he wouldn't do. Draco is loyal, and he will stay that way until someone gives him a reason not to."

"I love him more than... more than anything," Harry breathed, screwing up his face. "I'll go call Lance. I don't want to hurt him, but... Draco..." Blaise gave him another smile and hopped off the counter.

"I'll leave you to it. Don't be scared, Harry, because Draco is. He's walking on eggshells around you, show him he doesn't have to. Show him that you don't plan on leaving him again." Blaise winked at him and left the kitchen, once again leaving Harry alone. He pulled out the phone he'd gotten while in New York and called Lance. But it wasn't Lance that answered.

"Hello?" That was definitely a female voice.

"Adeline?" Harry wondered, hopping off the counter and slipping outside. The cold air nipped at his cheeks, winter was hanging on this year.

"Harry," She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Can I talk to Lance?" He requested.

"You can't," She said slowly. He heard her draw in a sharp intake of breath before continuing. "He's... he's in prison."

" _What?_  Why?" 

"He... he killed a man," She explained. "You remember Dan?"

"Of course I do, he scared the living shit out of Lance."

"Apparently he stopped by your apartment last night, begging for Lance's forgiveness. He apparently got violent so Lance took him for a walk and..."

"He killed him," Harry finished.

"Yes. He  _drowned_ him, Harry. Drowned him!" He heard her let out a shaky cry. "Tied him up after stabbing him, he put stones in his pockets and dragged him out into the river and..." She let out another muffled cry. 

"Ade, breathe for me." He heard her draw in a sharp breath, but her exhale was still shaky. After a few more times, it wasn't quite so bad. "I need you to do me a favor."

"Anything."

"Clean out my apartment and take all his belongings." 

"Why?" Harry paused, he couldn't just tell her why. Could he?

"Many reasons. I'll explain everything when I get back. The main reason being I don't want to associate myself with a murder." She murmured her agreement and they said their goodbyes, and then he hung up, resting his head against the post on the patio, letting out a loud sigh. 

"You... you don't want to associate yourself with a murderer?" He spun around to see Draco, standing there jaw-dropped. 

" _Draco_ ," Harry began.

"No!" Draco turned and standing heading back inside.

"Wait!"

"No!" Draco snapped again. "I'm going, you don't want to associate yourself with me,  _a murderer!_ " Harry reached out and grabbed Draco's wrist. Just when he thought he'd gotten him back he had to go and fuck it up again, didn't he? "Let go!"

"No! Let me explain!"

"Why would you want to explain yourself to a murderer," Draco sneered.

"I'm a murderer too, Draco!" Harry reminded him harshly. Just like that, the boy stopped struggling, his arm now limp in Harry's grip. "But I,  _we_ , killed for different reasons than the person I was speaking about. We didn't have a choice. This man killed someone in cold blood, drown him in a river."

"For no reason?" Draco asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"For no reason. We had a reason, our own lives were at stake. His wasn't." Well, maybe it was, Harry thought to himself. Harry let Draco pull his arm away this time. They both sat on the step leading up to the patio.

"Who was it?"

"My ex," Harry admitted.

"Ex?" Draco asked, snapping to face Harry, who nodded.

"Broke up with him a few days before I came. It wasn't working out, I was far too hung up on you. My breakup with him is what made me come visit, I needed to see you again. I wanted you back."  _Lies lies lies!_  Harry fought back a cringe when Draco looked touched.  _I'm lying, can't you tell!_

"Really?" Harry nodded. Draco smiled and wrapped his arms around Harry in a hug. This was different from all the others they'd shared. This was forgiveness, this, for some sick reason, wiped away Harry's guilt for lying because now he had Draco once again. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"Ah, I see you two finally made up properly. Wondered when it would happen," Blaise mused. Harry knew it was him by his voice and the pungent smell of a cigarette. 

"We made up before this!" Draco said defensively.

"Perhaps, but it wasn't proper, not like this." Draco turned back to Harry and rested his head on his shoulder, too tired to argue with his friend. "So when are you two going back to New York?"

"How did you know that's where I lived?"

"Hermione and I are close. Now answer my question."

"Day after tomorrow," Draco said. They hadn't decided on a day, but that day certainly worked for Harry. He was eager to get back, he missed his flat. 

"Hermione and Ron are going to be lost without their stay-at-home godfather," Blaise teased, taking another puff from the cigarette, inhaling deeply. "This time both of them are leaving, not just one."

"Maybe you and Neville will have to move in to take my place."

"Neville is horrified. He's scared enough about having his own child. Twins, no less!" Harry smiled at the thought. "He says we're both going to be fathers, not just him. I'm overjoyed, though still nervous. Gotta be strong for Neville."

"You two make a good couple. I never imagined it, though," Harry admitted. Blaise snorted, plopping down next to Harry and Draco, who was fighting to stay awake.

"Neither did I. He saw me one day and started flirting. I realized I enjoyed his company and I could appreciate how fit he was now, and it just went from there. His weird confidence is such a turn on," Blaise groaned, shaking his head.

"Rather not hear about your sex life, Zabini," Harry said, scrunching up his nose. Blaise winked at him and put out his cigarette on the soft dirt beneath their feet.

"Should probably go find the bottom to my top before he has a heart attack and thinks I'm hiding away to cheat. He may have gained a lot of confidence, but certainly not enough to ease his relationship anxiety. I'd love it if you came by to visit tomorrow or the day after before you leave, I'm sure Neville would love to show you his garden." Blaise stood up and smiled down at them. "Before I go find him, though, I'll bet you ten Galleons that you won't be able to refrain from having sex before you get to America."

"Mmm," Draco murmured in his half asleep state. He fished around his pocket and pulled out seven Galleons, lifting his hand to place them in Blaise's palm. "Give you the last three tomorrow."

"Hmm, already had sex? I see how it is." Blaise playfully ruffled Harry's hair before entering the house once again. 

"We haven't had sex yet."

"Wanna change that tonight?"

"Make it quick." They both entered the house and went to Draco's room, making love for the first time in eleven months.

//

The next day Harry and Draco went over to where Blaise and Neville lived, in a small little house out near where the Weasley's lived. Much to Harry's surprise, it was Blaise's idea to move all the way out here into much a little house, even though he had more money than he knew what to do with. According to Hermione, he was donating it to orphans of wizarding families, trying to give them a better home.

"They're perfect for each other, truly," Harry commented while they walked up the small path of stones to their front door. "Like us."

"But not quite as perfect as us."

"Debatable." Harry couldn't help but laugh at the look on Draco's face, pure annoyance. The ex-Slytherin playfully elbowed Harry's ribs, making him grin widely before they knocked on the door. Neville answered, a big smile on his face. He hearded them inside, and Harry was immediately aware of how earthy his home smelled, like plants, potions, and dirt. It brought Harry back to his school years, cooped up in the greenhouse at Hogwarts, watching Neville as he listened intently.

"I wasn't sure you'd come," Neville admitted as he led them into the kitchen. From what Harry had seen, the house was brightly lit with natural sunlight shimmering in through large windows. There were many plants, some magical, some non-magical, and some Harry had never seen or heard of before. "I didn't pick up before you came."

"That's okay Neville," Draco assured him. "Do you have any of that tea you gave me last time I was here?"

"What? Oh! The Jasmine tea?" Draco nodded.

"Would you like some too, Harry? It's a floral tea, I've noticed Draco is quite fond of them, but I'm not sure about you." Harry shrugged and nodded.

"I usually stick to plain green tea, but I'd love to try it." Neville grinned once again and pulled out three mugs.

"I make it myself," Neville told Harry sheepishly. "I make all my teas, they're so much better. Blaise loves it, he's an avid tea drinker. Admittedly, I do it for him more than myself." Neville put some water on to boil and sat in front of Harry and Draco at the table.

"So you're going with him?" Neville asked Draco, who nodded in response.

"I can't just let him slip away again, can I?"

"Well, you could, but I don't think it'd be good for either of you. I haven't known Draco as long as you, Harry, but he was beyond miserable." Draco flushed red at the comment, causing Harry to gently grip his hand and lace their fingers together in a silent comfort. "And Harry, I remember back in fourth year how miserable you were without Ron, and again at the start of our eighth year. But that all disappeared when this prat entered your life." Neville briefly motioned to Draco when the word 'prat' was uttered, causing all three of them to let out a chuckle. 

"Is Blaise here?" Draco wondered.

"No, he's down at St. Mungo's doing his best to finish up training. He's going to make an amazing Healer, I just know it." Draco smiled fondly, shaking his head slowly.

"I always knew he would. Something... something about him always seemed like he'd make an amazing healer," Draco commented, Harry nodding along with his words.

"He will be. Now! Who wants sugar in their tea?"


	18. It was always April, wasn't it?

Once they arrived in New York, things were smooth sailing for the first week. Harry didn't need to go to work for a while yet so most days were spent lazing in bed, Harry holding Draco as close as he possibly could. He was scared of losing him again. They were both scared of losing each other, but this manifested into something more for Harry. It manifested into a guilt, all the lies he told Draco... he was struggling to deal with this in a healthy way.

A month went by, and little spats and arguments were more common than not. They were always about stupid little things, like Draco leaving a wet towel on the bathroom or Draco leaving the sugar out. These were always initiated by Harry, who was quick to bite back because he felt like he didn't deserve Draco, not after all the lies he told. Draco rarely had the fight to argue back, and he mostly just nodded and apologized which only infuriated Harry more because  _he was supposed to argue back, dammit_! This went on until one particular day, things went a little more harshly than could be ignored.

"You can't just leave your clothes in a pile on the floor!" Harry exclaimed, clearly exasperated. Draco frowned and looked at the pile. He had been doing this since he moved in since Harry didn't have a laundry basket, what was so bad about it now?

"I-"

"Don't make excuses!" Draco looked down at his feet and frowned. He wasn't going to, he was simply going to ask where he should put them if not on the floor. "Just- pick them up and move them."

"Where?" Draco murmured, shifting his weight between his feet.

"Anywhere but there."

"But... they're dirty and you don't have a laundry basket, where else am I supposed to put them?" Draco asked. Harry sighed and rounded on him.

"This isn't my fault!" Draco wanted to snap back at him, he really did, but he couldn't seem to. He knew that if he did it would only make things worse and, in the end, he'd probably end on the streets of New York with no means to get back to London. That, and he'd have to leave Harry once more. God, he couldn't do that again. "Merlin, Draco, you're going to have to learn how to pull your own goddamn weight around here!"

"Pull my own- what the fuck, Harry!" Draco bit, causing the black haired boy to shy back a bit. "I've been putting up with this for a month and a half- I came back with you because I missed you and wanted to be with you, but clearly you don't seem to feel the same! You've been snapping at me for every tiny thing I do, no matter how small. You pick out things that you do and harp on me for them, what the  _fuck_ have I done to upset you like this?"

There was a brief moment of silence, only to be broken by the sound of skin hitting skin.

Draco staggered back, holding his jaw in his hand, glaring at Harry with accusing eyes. The moment it happened, Harry seemed to realize what he'd done, and the guilt he felt before only multiplied. "Oh my god, Draco I'm so-"

"No!" He snapped, taking a big step back from Harry. Draco tasted blood. He must've cut his cheek with his tooth when Harry hit him. "In all the years we've known each other, you never once laid your hands on me. Magic, sure, but we're wizards and we used to  _hate_ each other, so okay, I can accept that. I can forgive you for that. But  _this? What did I do?_ " Draco let out a humorless, watery chuckle. "This is a step too far. Maybe if we hated each other, but I was under the impression that we loved each other, but I can only account for myself. Perhaps I was under the wrong impression."

"No,  _no_ Draco! I  _do_ love you! I just..." Harry trailed off, looking down at his feet with his heart in his throat. Draco spun on his heel and left the room, grabbing his coat off the hook and swinging it over his shoulders before leaving the apartment, slamming the door. Harry rested his back against the wall next to the bedroom door, sliding down to the floor and putting his face in his hands, soft sobs wracking his frail body.

It was always April, wasn't it?

//

Draco didn't know where the hell he was going, he just needed to  _go_. He went to a bar he had spotted nearby. He wanted a drink, he wanted a temporary distraction. He walked up to the bar and took a seat next to a girl that looked strangely familiar. She didn't seem to notice him until Draco requested a shot of whiskey for himself when she looked over at him with curious doe eyes.

"You're not from here," She commented. Draco forced a grin and hoped it looked convincing when he shook his head. The bartender slid him the shot and he downed it in one go, before propping himself up on his elbow and looking over at the girl. "Your accent... you wouldn't happen to be Harry's boy, would you?"

"Of course," Draco said, his voice sounding harsher than he'd intended it to. "You know Harry, Adelaide, right?"

"Adeline, but close enough." She grinned at him before ordering herself a cheap beer. "Harry's told me all about you, more than he ever told Lance." Draco furrowed his eyebrows together, making the blue haired girl laugh. "As much as he loved Lance, you were always his number one. His eyes got all misty when he talked about you, never that way with Lance. Now, you look like someone killed your dog, what happened?"

"He hit me," Draco admitted, downing another shot before continuing. "We used to hate each other, but he never hit me with his hands, always magic." Draco's eyes widened. "I shouldn't have said that. I meant- um-"

"Relax, I'm a witch myself. I went to Ilvermorny, I wanted to go to Hogwarts but my parents refused to send me overseas. Witches and wizards flock to each other, don't worry about it," She explained briefly. "Why'd he hit you, was it unprovoked? I assumed, due to the discoloration on your jaw. It's bruising."

"Kind of? He's been picking arguments with me for the past month and today I just bit back, asking why he was so mad at me." Draco shrugged. "Then he hit me."

"Don't tell him I told you this, but he pushed Lance around too. Beat him up a bit until he realized what he was doing and usually had a panic attack after and cried until he fell asleep. Lance told me and I... god, I can't explain it without sounding like a complete bitch. He's trying to push you away, he's guilty of something."

"What? How would you know?"

"After watching him sleep with as many people as he did before finding Lance and coming to me after as a shaking mess, you put two and two together. He did it to me, we'd fight. Not with anything other than words, he'd never hit me, but I realized he felt guilty about burdening me with everything. And with Lance... he felt guilty about being with him because his heart still belonged to you." Draco let out a short breath. "Try to get him to talk to you."

"I'm guilty too, but I'd never hurt him like that."

"What are you guilty of?" Draco paused when he realized he didn't exactly have a proper answer to that question. "Guilty of things in the past?" Draco nodded and ran his pointer finger around the brim of the shot glass. "Before you two got together?" Draco nodded again, this time downing the burning liquid in the glass. "He's forgiven you, I promise. He doesn't like to hold things over people's heads. I don't know you well, and I'm not pretending I do, but just... you don't seem like the type of person to do that, either."

"If you said that to anyone I went to school with they would laugh at you."

"Yeah yeah, big bad Slytherin Prince who's actually a romantic sweetheart at, well, heart." He grimaced at the thought. "Harry told me everything. I was his only friend here and he was clearly bottling things up, I practically forced it out of him."

"I can't forgive him for that," Drac croaked, blinking back saltwater tears that filled his eyes.  _God_ , he was such a bloody sap.

"I'm not asking you to. I'm asking you to at least go talk to him and let him explain things. He's probably beating himself up over this." Draco sighed. He knew she was right, Adeline, the fucking witch psychologist of New York.

"I can't believe you're talking me into this." She smirked and finished off her beer. She grabbed a napkin and scribbled down her number, slipping it Draco's jacket pocket.

"I can. Call me if you need anything else, I could do couples therapy or something."

"I don't think Harry would appreciate me talking to you about this."

"I don't either, but he doesn't have to know. He loves you to the moon and back- he loves you to fucking Pluto and back, Draco. You're his everything, don't let this one thing destroy everything. Please, I know what he did is... unforgivable, really, but let him know that. Let him know if he does it again that's the end." Draco nodded and debated giving her a hug of thanks, but ultimately decided against it.

"If you ever need relationship advice, just let me know," Draco joked with a wink. She flipped him off as he left, both of them grinning like old friends. Draco wrapped his jacket tighter around himself as he walked down to Harry's apartment, well, it was his apartment too, he supposed. He entered the flat to see Harry on the couch, asleep. Draco shut the door as quietly as possible and slipped off his jacket. He sat on the other side of the couch, gently pulling Harry into his lap.

"Draco?" Harry said groggily, opening his eyes.

"Shh, we'll talk tomorrow. It's nearly midnight, just go back to sleep. I'm not going anywhere." And that was the only reassurance Harry needed because he nodded tiredly and slipped back into a deep slumber. Draco really hoped he wasn't making a mistake by coming back, but while Harry slept on his chest, he wondered if he would leave if Harry did it again.  _No,_  he decided sadly. He wouldn't leave him no matter what. He couldn't. But Harry didn't need to know that.

//

Harry woke up around seven the next morning. After feeling the warm body he was on top of, relief flooding through him like a tidal wave. But, after that, a plague of instant, overwhelming regret. Harry scrambled off Draco, waking him up in the process, confusing the blond. "Hmm," Draco murmured, reaching out to grab the hem of Harry's shirt. The younger boy let him hold onto it for a brief moment, but when he tried to tug Harry closer to him, Harry batted his hand away.

The sunlight was just beginning to seep into the small apartment, and with that came the ability to see. The first thing Harry saw was the blossoming bruise on Draco's jaw. He choked back a sob and looked away from Draco, climbing off the couch, shaking more than he would've liked. "Harry?" This time Draco didn't sound tired. Harry shook his head, refusing to look at him.  _Oh my god,_  he thought to himself,  _I did that._  "Harry,  _please_." Harry looked up.

"Oh my god," Harry whispered, tears brimming his already puffy eyes. He reached out and ran his fingers along the bruise, and to his surprise, Draco just let him. "Oh my  _god_ ," Harry repeated, "I'm so fucking sorry! I didn't mean to- oh my god." Harry slumped back on the couch.

"I know you didn't," Draco assured him.

"Don't you hate me? You should hate me now," Harry cried, furiously wiping his eyes. "That wasn't... why are you still here?"

"I don't hate you, Harry. I don't think I could ever hate you, don't worry." Harry tried not to cry more than he already was. "It's not okay, no, but... I  _know_ you. You wouldn't do something like this without some sort of reason."

"Regardless, what I did was unforgivable."

"Not entirely." Harry shook his head and bit his lip to the point it bled.

"I'm so sorry," He repeated. 

"You've got to talk to me, Harry," Draco murmured, gently pulling the crying boy into his chest. Harry fought back feebly for a moment before relaxing in his arms. "What's going on? You're never this... irritable."

"I'm scared," Harry croaked. That wasn't the answer Draco was expecting, that was rather far from what he was expecting. Before Draco could say anything, Harry continued. "I'm scared to be with you, but I want to. I want to so  _so_  bad."

"Harry..."

"No, no wait, please. You know about my relationship with Lance, I told you, but I didn't tell you... everything. Not the whole truth." Draco's heart pounded with fear. What hadn't Harry told him? What had been  _so bad_  to the point Harry hadn't told him? "I dug a hole for myself, and now I'm scared that if I tell you, you'll leave."

"I won't leave."

"How can you be so sure?" Harry hissed, though it didn't sound like he was upset at all, just... sad.

"Because I know you. Not as well as some people, but I know you enough to know you wouldn't deliberately hurt me, or anyone else. I may be upset, yes, I may leave again, but only like I did last night. I'll cool off and come back, I can't and I  _won't_  leave you again."

They were both quiet for some time. At one point Draco thought Harry had fallen asleep on his chest once again, but the only thing telling him otherwise was the way Harry flinched whenever there was a clap of thunder filling up the nauseating silence. After a while, Harry properly stirred, sitting up and pulling himself out of Draco's arms.

"I'll tell you," Harry promised. "But not now. I can't do it now, I can't think of the words to use. But... please don't get mad at me." Harry looked vulnerable. More vulnerable than Draco had ever seen him. The Boy-who-lived-twice, the Golden Boy, the  _Hero_ , sitting here on a dirty couch in a cheap New York flat begging his boyfriend not to get mad. 

"I can't promise you that, but I can promise I will not stay mad at you forever." Harry seemed content with this answer as he slipped off the couch and went into the kitchen.

"All we have is leftover take-out from two nights ago, do you want some?" Harry offered. His voice was still shaking, Draco noted, he clearly didn't want to talk about it anymore. He could respect that.

"Sure." He heard the door to the fridge shut. "If you would've told me a year ago I'd be in America with the love of my life eating leftover take out in a studio apartment I would've laughed." He saw Harry grin from across the table in front of the couch where the kitchen was. 

"I would've too, but I also would've been the happiest person alive," Harry replied, scooping some of the take-out onto a plate and putting it in the microwave. "Do you ever want kids?" The question caught Draco off guard. "And if so, would you want to adopt or have a surrogate, or..."

"When I was younger, first or second year, I would've claimed I wanted to be a mother to the Golden Boy's children," Draco admitted sheepishly. "Ask me the next three or so years and I would've told you I wanted to marry Astoria Greengrass and produce a single heir. In sixth and seventh year I would've laughed because I didn't expect to survive the war. But now?" Draco breathed a sigh. "I don't know. I'd love to have kids, but I'd also be happy without them. As long as I'm with you." Harry smiled and set their plates on the table.

"Do you want to move back to London?" Draco paused for a moment before nodding.

"I'd like to, but as long as I'm with you."

"I was planning on moving back to London when I turn twenty-one. I want to properly adopt Teddy and get custody of him. I was asking because if we're still together... would you want to raise him with me?" Harry was blushing a bright shade of red as he awaited Draco's response.

"Of course! He's my cousin, the only proper family I have left." Harry gave a sad smile.

"You can't tell me that after living with Ron for so long Molly didn't adopt you into the family?" Draco grinned, thinking back to his first meeting with her. Molly was such a kind lady, thanking him repeatedly for taking care of her granddaughter while her parents were away.

"Of course she did," Draco confirmed, making Harry snicker. "But blood family? He's all I've got. Well, that's a lie. He's the only family I have left that I want to associate with."

"You never did tell me what happened to your parents? Well, not the full story. If you don't mind me asking!" Harry rushed.

"They... well, my father... he's just disowned me. My mother wants to stay in touch, but all I asked of her is that she defend me in front of my father and she refused, so that was it." Draco shrugged as if it were no big deal, but Harry still frowned.

"When was the last time you talked to them?" Harry asked, poking his food with his fork.

"I owled my mom to tell her I was temporarily moving to New York. I didn't wait for an owl back and I don't expect one. I don't want one back," He admitted. Harry stood up, leaving his plate of half-eaten food, and put a record on. He used to listen to this song before he met Lance, as he wasn't a fan of music. Let alone muggle music, but he remembered once, briefly, at the start of their nightly escapades, Draco mentioned how his mother would sing him to sleep. And, to Harry's surprise, it was always muggle music.

"C'mere," Harry murmured, opening his arms. Draco stood and draped his arms loosely around Harry. Harry rested his head on Draco's shoulder and began swaying to the music. This was an older record, easily from the forties, but it was one of his favorites.

_"You always hurt the ones you love  
_ _the ones you shouldn't hurt at all_

_you always take the sweetest rose_

_and crush it till the petals fall,"_

Draco tried not to wince at the lyrics, they hit a bit too close to home, and it seemed Harry knew that, Harry knew that because it hit close to home for him too. He could feel Harry shaking in his arms. He didn't know why but he didn't want to ask, either. 

_"So if I broke your heart last night_   
_it's because I love you most of all,"_

Once it finished, the next song played, and they let it. They let the rest of the record play, just holding each other like their lives depended on it. And, contrary to before when they had just started their eighth year at Hogwarts, this time their lives  _did_ depend on it. At least, more than they did before, and they both knew that. 

"Put another one on," Draco whispered. Harry did as requested and sat by the record player, sorting through the stack of records. After a while, Harry picked one out. The cover was black and white, holding four faces, each of them drawn differently, the word " _Revolver_ " written on the bottom of the cover in black letters. Once it started to play, Draco recognized it. Harry walked back over to Draco and returned to his previous position. The first song Draco recognized, but he didn't know it like he did the second one.

"My mother used to sing me this one. When I was little it was one of my favorites," Draco said. 

"Reminds me of one of the babysitters I had when I lived with the Dursleys, she loved me. She was the first person to treat me like a proper kid, I think that's why the Dursleys didn't let me see her but a couple times. Looking back on it, I think she was a witch. I always called her nan, I don't remember her real name. She owned a lot of owls, I vaguely remember her making me pumpkin juice, but I can't be too sure." 

"She sounds lovely," Draco murmured.

"Oh, she was. I'm not sure what gave the Dursleys the impression she was being nice to me, but whatever it was I was whisked away," Harry explained sadly. They didn't speak again for another length of time. They weren't even moving to the music now, just holding each other like scared children. "I'm so sorry I hit you, Draco. I just... I'm not good enough for you and my subconscious somehow wanted to prove that."

"I know," Draco replied, resting his chin on top of Harry's head. "I know."


	19. I love you

They didn't speak about that night again for a long time, but they both thought about it very often. Draco thought about it because he was curious as to what Harry was hiding, or at least, what he didn't tell him. He didn't bring it up because he didn't want to push Harry, although the younger boy never took that into consideration. There were a lot of things he didn't take into consideration. Especially now, because he was currently pushed against a wall with lips attacking his neck, his hands tangled in the man's dyed-red hair.

He didn't take consequences into consideration.

Harry's hips were grinding against the other man's, and he didn't even remember his name. But, it didn't really matter, considering how they both made it clear all they wanted was a quick fuck and no more. In fact, Harry was pretty sure the other guy didn't remember his name anyway, so it was even. Harry couldn't fight back the moan that slipped past his lips when the guy lowered himself, teasing Harry's nipples with his tongue before trailing lower... lower...

//

Draco sat alone at the apartment, a bowl of cold soup in his lap while he gazed out the window. Harry had been going out a lot at night, mostly telling Draco he needed a walk, he needed to go get a drink, he needed to go out because of work. What kind of journalist had to go roam the streets at ten at night? He wasn't stupid, despite whatever Harry thought of him, he really wasn't. He knew Harry was cheating, whether it was the same person or a different person every time, Draco had learned not to care.

He learned not to care because it made Harry happier, there were no more arguments or petty little spats. It was all okay now. Draco sighed and set the bowl of soup on the coffee table, lazily getting up and wandering into the kitchen. He wasn't hungry, he just needed a distraction. All he could think of was Harry with some other guy's cock shoved up his ass and he didn't much care for the mental image. 

He wasn't sure what had happened, but Harry had changed so much since they had first gotten together. It was a little over two years ago now and he couldn't believe it had been so long ago. He rested his forehead against the cool window above the kitchen sink, but he couldn't drag himself back down to reality. What was worse, he couldn't seem to find it in his heart to confront Harry about what was happening behind his back. Maybe he just didn't want Harry to know that he knew because if he knew he'd probably stop, and he'd be unhappy again, and the arguments would come back and it would only be a matter of time before one of them left.

He was upset, of course, but he still got to see his favorite parts of Harry. The sensitive, sweet, kind side of him. He didn't know if he was the only person who saw that side of him but he hoped, he needed that hope to keep himself sane. His thoughts were scattered, he couldn't seem to think of anything other than Harry right now. But he knew it would be unlikely Harry would be back before sunrise, climbing into bed with him and kissing the nape of his neck before falling fast asleep, leaving Draco's skin burning where he'd touched him.

Draco grabbed a glass and threw it against the wall, watching it shatter and rain to the ground like snow, just... worse. Draco shrank to the floor, ignoring the way to glass pricked his skin where he sat, where he made an effort to pick up the small shards of glass. It reminded him of Harry. That boy was glass, broken, shattered glass, but Draco was still picking up every piece of him and holding it close and holding it tight until his hands bled, until his soul was stained with blood.

//

Harry was laying in bed next to the guy he'd went home with. He was fast asleep and snoring rather loudly, something Draco didn't do.  _Draco_ , Harry repeated to himself, frowning. He untangled himself from the red-haired man and when into the bathroom to shower before he left, an offer the man had given to him before falling asleep. It was a brief shower, just to clean the come off his body and make sure he didn't smell like sex. Once he climbed out, he dried his hair and did his best to avoid looking at himself in the mirror. He knew he wouldn't like what he saw.

But regardless, he did. There were a few hickies on his neck, much to his dismay. The rings around his eyes were darker than he was used to. Or maybe they appeared that way because his skin had lost some color, he was paler now, too. He sighed and dried off his hair before slipping his clothes back on and silently leaving the man's apartment, wanting nothing more than to go home to Draco.

He often wondered why he did this. Why he left every other night in search of another fuck. He wondered why because he knew Draco would happily have sex with him, but instead he went out and betrayed his trust. There was absolutely no benefit from doing this because sex with Draco was so much better. He wanted to tell Draco, really, but his birthday was just a few days away and Harry couldn't bear to do that to him now. Or, maybe he could, maybe he was simply stalling the inevitable. He frowned and kept his eyes trained on the cement beneath his feet. He'd just hoped Draco was okay.

//

And that's how he found Draco. Crying on the kitchen floor, his knees pulled up to his chest and his hands stained red with blood. They met each other's eyes and neither of them said anything for a long time. Harry was just broken at the sight because he knew, he knew this was his fault- not that he'd ever admit that, of course. Harry slunk down to the floor next to him, shifting uncomfortably as small pieces of glass cut into his knees. Harry just gently pulled Draco into his chest, ignoring the glass around him and the blood smears on the counter.

Draco cried into Harry's shirt, his hands drawn into fists as if to keep the blood away from anyone else but doing this only made it worse, it made the tiny shards dig deeper into his skin. "What happened, Draco?" Harry asked softly. Draco didn't reply, he simply let another sob shake his frail body. "C'mere, love, I'll clean this up. Go wash your hands in the bathroom, can you do that for me?" Draco nodded and wandered off to the bathroom.

Harry ran a hand down his cheek and grabbed the broom, sweeping up all the glass he could. He shouldn't have gone out tonight, he should've stayed with Draco and made sure he knew how much he cared. It wasn't long before he came out of the bathroom, holding out both hands nervously. "I can't get some of the glass out," He murmured. Harry gently grabbed his hand and examined it. He could see some of the glass well enough to get some out. He led Draco back into the bathroom and grabbed a pair of tweezers, getting to work on getting the glass out of his hand.

After a while, it was all out and Draco was leaning against Harry on the bathroom floor, fast asleep while Harry ran his finger's through Draco's greasy blonde hair, it was clear he hadn't showered for a while. He also hadn't cut it in a long while either, as it was just passing his earlobes. He grabbed Draco's hands to run his fingertips over the small cuts his palms held, frowning deeply. There was something wrong, and not just with Harry or Draco, but the whole relationship. Harry was hiding and lying through his teeth, leaving Draco to wonder what he did wrong.

"I'm sorry," Harry whispered, placing his lips against the side of Draco's head. But the boy didn't even stir, he just remained asleep. "I love you and all I'm doing is hurting you and I don't know why I keep hurting you." Harry pulled Draco closer to him, and this time he stirred, rolling over to face Harry and falling right back asleep.

//

Draco woke up when sun shimmered through the window. He was surprised to find Harry still awake, finger's tangled with his own with tear-stained cheeks. Draco leaned up, just enough to press his lips against Harry's. The boy responded almost immediately. There they sat, apologies slipping off of their lips and into the other's mouth, hoping they were enough to satisfy the other, if only temporarily. Lazily kissing on the bathroom floor, still hazy with sleep, what a wonderful way to wake up.

"I have morning breath," Draco commented a moment later, pulling away from Harry. But the black haired boy simply smiled and kissing Draco again.

"Does it look like I give a fuck?" Draco grinned but pulled himself to his shaky feet anyway, leaning against the counter for support. Harry got up after him, turning to face him and gently grabbing his hips to keep him upright. "Are you okay?"

"I need a shower," Draco thought aloud, gently pulling away from Harry's grip, nearly falling once the hands were off his waist. He leaned against the wall, gathering everything for a moment before walking into their bedroom to gather up some clothes. 

"Draco?" The blond didn't reply, he just fumbled with his clothes and made his way back into the bathroom, paying no mind to Harry. He turned on the shower and got undressed before climbing into the shower. A moment of hesitation later, Harry grabbed the hem of his own shirt and tugged it over his head before kicking off his jeans and boxers as well before, climbing into the shower after Draco.

The next thing he knew, Draco had pinned him against the wall of the shower and was kissing him deeply, desperately, something they hadn't done since they'd been in New York. Neither of them had implied they wanted sex, but now Draco was and Harry was all for it, happily running his hands up and down Draco's body.

It didn't take long for either of them to get off, but in the aftermath they both sat on the floor of the shower, Draco running his fingertips along Harry's cheekbones trying to rationalize why he didn't hate him for cheating like he was supposed to. Harry was smiling dumbly, wondering why he'd ever thought to cheat on the amazing man in front of him. Draco washed Harry's hair and he washed Draco's, they cleaned each other while stealing small kisses and it was suddenly like they were a new couple again.

Once they had gotten out and gotten dressed, Harry decided he wanted to take Draco out to dinner. It took a long moment of silence and a lot of internal arguing and hesitance, but Draco finally agreed. He didn't know why he didn't know why it had taken him so long to answer, it's not like there were any benefits of saying no. Well, he did know why it took him longer than it should've to simply agree to the suggestion. It was because Draco had figured Harry wanted to take him out because he felt guilty. 

Harry admittedly thought that's why he was doing it too, not that he'd even admit it, even subconsciously.

They went to a small Italian place a couple blocks away from their apartment since Harry had insisted upon Draco choosing where they go eat and that was the only place he knew. He loved Italian food, though, so it wasn't that big of a deal, he just hoped Harry was okay with going there.

//

The next day was the first time either of them had thought to send a letter back to everyone in London, and to Draco's surprise, it was actually Harry's idea. Harry wrote it out, letting Draco read it from over his shoulder. It was nothing more than a mere greeting and reassurance that everything on this side of the Atlantic was okay, even though they both knew that was a lie. Draco was sitting behind Harry, a leg on either side of him, his chin gently rested on his shoulder.

"Stop," Harry whispered, though his smile was wide. "Your breath is tickling my neck." Draco smirked and gently nudged his nose against Harry's jaw, pressing a small feather-light kiss to where his shoulder met his neck. Harry squirmed and let out a breathless chuckle at the gesture. Draco pulled him closer to his chest and let him finish up the letter he was writing to Ron and Hermione and all the rest in peace.

"I love you," Draco murmured, pressing his nose against the side of Harry's neck fondly. The younger boy tensed up for a moment, before relaxing and leaning back into Draco's chest.

"I love you too," Harry replied, squirming around so he was now facing Draco, still sitting on his lap. It was a bit uncomfortable, but he didn't mind, neither of them did. Harry grabbed Draco's face with both hands and kissed him hard, something the blond was definitely not expecting. He pulled away almost as quick as it happened, but this time there was a small, shy smile. "Sorry, it's just been so long since we've said that."

"I love you I love you I love you!" Draco sang, practically beaming at how happy it made Harry. "I do love you, Harry. More than anything, you're my world."

"Don't... don't say  _that_ , Draco. You can't, I can't be! I-I don't... I-I'm not-"

"I know," Draco said. He didn't know what Harry was going, maybe something about his infidelity, maybe something else, but he didn't want to have the talk right now. Draco was happy, Harry was... happy. Maybe not anymore, but that's why this conversation had to go.

"You know?" Harry nearly choked on his own spit, but Draco just shrugged.

"Yeah, I don't want to talk about it now. We can postpone it."

"No, we can't! This is-"

"This is irrelevant right now," Draco interrupted, frowning deeply. Harry sighed but gave in any way, slumping over and resting his head against Draco's chin. Draco tangled his fingers in Harry's hair, gently moving his head onto his shoulder before slipped his other arm around Harry's waist.

"I'm sorry, if that's any consolation."

"It is, but we're going to have this conversation another day when we're both ready to have it." Harry nodded against Draco's shoulders and shoved his arms behind Draco, squishing them between a warm back and the couch. "I love you."

"I love you too."

//

Harry hadn't left the apartment without Draco in a week, so when Draco's birthday rolled around he realized he hadn't gotten him a present just yet. He'd so many times told Harry not to, but  _everyone_ says that, even when they don't really mean it. He finally declared that on his birthday he was going to take Draco out and buy him whatever he wanted. And after much convincing, he finally agreed.

"One thing," Draco had told him, "I'm going to let you buy me one thing." Harry had simply clicked his tongue while he pulled his coat over his shoulders, exiting the apartment with Draco following close behind.

A whole eight hours later, Harry had somehow managed to talk Draco into letting him buy well over ten things, various articles of clothing, a few muggle things that Draco had taken an interest in, and he had almost bought him a kitten. Harry set the bags on the coffee table in the living room so he could put a record on, Abbey Road by The Beatles, arguably their most popular record. Draco had noticed how many albums Harry owned were classics such as that. 

Draco sat down on the couch with a sigh and began taking his shoes off, but Harry was quick to stop him. "What are you doing? Now I'm taking you out to dinner, it's your birthday, Draco! Twenty is a pretty big number. Not like twenty-one, but regardless. The only reason I stopped back here is to drop of the bags and shower, look more presentable. You don't need to do that, though, you always look regal."

"Harry, you really don't have to do this for me," Draco told him. Harry shrugged off his jacket and draped it over the back of the couch, grinning widely.

"I know I don't, but I want to. I love you, Draco, can't I treat you on your birthday?" 

"I suppose. But only if I can do the same for you." 

"We'll see."


	20. Pack up, we're going back to London

Within the next week, everything went back to normal. Harry stopped going out much to Draco's relief. Harry was especially relieved that he didn't have to tell Draco about what he was doing since he was pretty sure he couldn't ever do that, but Draco had figured it out on his own. Harry had quit his job and decided to start putting together another book of his poetry that he wanted to be published after a lot of nagging from Draco.

Everything felt better now. Draco wasn't as worried about all his words and he simply said what was on his mind. He wasn't as scared to correct Harry for his wrongs anymore, but most of all, Harry noticed, is that he was properly happy again. He was smiling again, laughing, telling stupid jokes that Harry thought were endearing, and none of it looked forced anymore. Both of them were more or less expecting something to go wrong again, and it did, but not in the way they thought, and not necessarily  _wrong_.

It was two weeks after Draco's birthday when there was a persistent knocking on the apartment door, Harry was typing up his poems on a laptop that was balanced in his lap while Draco drew him from a distance, all the while listening to a record Draco had bought simply because he liked the cover on it; a yellow banana. Harry later, once Draco had come back to the apartment with it, told him the band was The Velvet Underground. It had become one of Draco's favorites, much to Harry's amusement.

When the knocking didn't stop Draco reluctantly got up, setting his sketchpad face down. Draco opened the door and made sure to look properly annoyed, but that didn't last long. His mother stood there, clearly worried, bouncing a young child on her hip. She looked relieved to see Draco, but neither of them said anything. How the hell did his mother know he was here? What right did anyone have to tell her where- and whose child is  _that_?

"Draco?" Harry called. It snapped the boy out of his trance-like state, shifting his weight to his other leg. "Who is it?" Harry asked.

"Um," Draco said, before knitting his eyebrows together and moving out of the doorway, inviting his mother inside. She uttered a few words of thanks and entered, Draco following close behind. "It's my mother," Draco told Harry, who was gaping at the woman and the child. When he set the child down, he ran over to Harry with open arms, confusing the blonde further.

"Last time I saw you, you were wearing diapers!" Harry exclaimed, picking up and swinging the small child. He giggled loudly, his previously-blond hair changing to a dark brown, one matching Harry's. Then it clicked. It was his cousin Teddy, the one Harry talked about getting custody of. 

"Andromeda is dead," His mother deadpanned. Huh, looked like he was going to have to file for custody a lot sooner than he'd intended. Harry nearly dropped the child in surprise. "Someone poisoned her two weeks ago and we figured out it was someone who was aiming more at the child, as he's the son of a werewolf. I would've brought him sooner but I didn't know where you lived."

"How'd you find out?" Harry asked. Draco was glad Harry was doing the talking because he was far more upset than he should've been, while Harry appeared to be calm.

"Blaise. Teddy was whining on and on about Uncle Harry since Andromeda was no longer around, he just so happened to be in the same shop I was and well, he told us where he could find you." Draco and Harry shared a brief glance, clearly wondering how Blaise and acquired that information. Hermione, probably, as she was the only other person who knew where they were currently residing. "Pack up, we're going back to London."

//

After the initial shock of having a child dropped on them, next was figuring out Narcissa Malfoy had bought them all a plane ticket, ready for them to head to London the next week. Teddy seemed beyond happy to be staying with them, though, since Narcissa had refused to share a hotel him with 'the little brat'. Teddy had been rather eager to figure out who Draco was, and at first, Draco didn't know what to tell him, so Harry answered for him.

"He's your family, Teddy. He's your cousin." The thought made Draco queasy. This child shared his blood. Teddy had seemed satisfied with this answer and went over to Draco after, claiming that he was his favorite cousin. The blond almost cried. Teddy crawled onto his lap and demanded a story. "Definitely acts like you," Harry teased.

So Draco told him a story. One he said just made up off the top of his head, but regardless, Teddy listened excitedly, wriggling around in Draco's lap. He could feel Harry glancing back at the two of them from across the room as he wrote, smiling ever so slightly at the sight. Once Draco had finished the story, much to Teddy's dismay, he helped Teddy with a bath and then put the small boy to bed.

"If we're going to raise a child together I suppose I should tell you about Lance now, shouldn't I?" Harry mused, leaning against the doorframe of the bedroom. He was nervous, he was  _beyond_ nervous. A part of him hoped he could get away without ever telling Draco about Lance but he knew it was inevitable.

"That would probably be a good idea," Draco agreed. Harry grabbed his lover's hand and walked him over to the couch, sitting them both down.

"I met Lance at a muggle bar a couple weeks after I moved here, it was probably the second time I'd even left my apartment," Harry began, biting his bottom lip before continuing. "I was sad and horny and he... he was flirting with me, so, naturally, I flirted back. I wanted to get you off my mind and even with him, I could never probably do that. After a while, we were both drunk out of our minds, and so, I brought him back here." Harry looked away from Draco, but he squeezed Harry's hand reassuringly.

"We had sex that night. And the night after and the night after that, it went on for about two weeks. Then he insisted I meet his friend, and that was Adeline. She and I got on well right from the start. We continued going out for a couple more weeks before he and I finally got to talking. He admitted he chatted me up because I was the infamous Harry Potter, he went to the wizarding school here in America, Ilvermorny. After this, I was pissed. Kicked him out of my apartment, but a few days later... he showed up at my doorstep, teary-eyed so I let him in.

"He explained how he now knew me for me and not my name or face, and he wanted to stay with me, so we did. He-"

"What was his house?" Draco interrupted.

"What?"

"His Ilvermorny house. They have houses too, my dad used to tell me about it when I was Teddy's age." Harry had a ghost of a smile on his lips.

"Horned Serpent."

"Is that the American version of Slytherin?" Draco wondered, laying back and stretching out across the couch, his head resting in Harry's lap. Harry smiled down at him and tangled his fingers through Draco's surprisingly soft hair.

"In name, and somewhat with values of belief. Lance told me they represent the mind and favor scholars." Draco hummed and nodded, clearly as a sign for Harry to continue. "He really did remind me of you. But after this, he kind of moved in and we just... had sex and discussed our life at school. You were all I talked about, you and Voldemort because he was so eager to hear about it. After a blissful while... he and I began fighting. Sometimes he started them, but mostly me. They were usually physical, too, but it helped me get out all my frustration and anger I had pent up, all towards you. I think he knew it, too, and that's why he never did anything about it.

"He never hurt me back, though, and after a while of that going on, I broke. I talked to Adeline and she explained the situation from a bystanders point of view and helped me calm down. I went back to Lance and we patched everything up, and from that point... everything was okay. Now, he had an ex. Everyone has exes, but this one of his... he was obsessive. Painfully obsessive. Always followed him, stalked him, he was abusive but not like I was. No, he was verbally abusive, he broke bones as well as hearts.

"His name was Daniel or Dan. Now I had talked with him before, he seemed normal but I also watched him interact with Lance and the difference was astounding. The change in Dan  _and_ Lance. Lance was scared, you could tell. His body language was a lot more defensive, he was tense, his voice rougher and more hostile... but Dan... he spoke as though he were talking to a child. Like someone who couldn't string together a proper sentence.

"That's who Lance killed. But that's somewhat behind the point. The point is, he and I... he lived here almost the whole time I've lived here. When I went to back..." His throat seemed to close up and his mouth went dry. He swallowed thickly before continuing. "When I went back he and I were still together. Before you say anything... I was originally going to see Hermione and baby Rose, but it turned into seeing Ron and you and all our friends. Blaise talked to me the night of the party, told me sort myself out.

"I decided in that moment I wanted you. You were the only person I could ever want. Despite my feelings towards Lance, they weren't the feelings I had towards you. So... I was calling Lance that night to end it, but he'd already been imprisoned. I've talked to him since, the day or so after we moved here and he ended it. Before saying anything else, he said I didn't need to be with a criminal. So... that was it."

Silence ensued the story. Draco finally sat up and kissed Harry softly. "Okay. You were trying to move on and essentially replace me. I wanted to do the same, but I kept thinking that maybe if I waited you'd come back to me. And, much to my surprise, you did. You came back." Draco let out a shaky laughed and pulled Harry into a tight embrace. "I'm not going to hate you." Harry hugged Draco back as tightly as he could without hurting him.

"I love you," Harry breathed.

"I love you too. Now, since the child has our room, are we left to sleep on the couch?" Draco asked. He pulled away from Harry and looked at him curiously, to which Harry just nodded.

"I believe so. I'll go grab a blanket and then we can do our best to fit on the couch." Draco grinned and shooed Harry away. He slipped into their bedroom and grabbed the blanket at the foot of the bed without waking Teddy and went back into the living room. Draco was lying on the couch, on his side, his back against the back of the couch.

"C'mere." Harry didn't have to be told twice. He happily laid in the spot Draco had left for him, pressing his back up against Draco's chest. "I love you so much, scarhead." Harry just smiled fondly at the old insult because now it held such a different meaning and a strong feeling of nostalgia. "You know, you're a mystery. You were a mystery to me when we first met and you are a mystery to me now. I want to unravel you and lay you bare, I want to touch your soul and fall in love with the very depths of it."

"I distinctly remember calling you a mystery back in our eighth year," Harry mused. "My mystery, my puzzle. Looks like we're perfect. We can figure each other out and reveal new secrets and fall in love with every single one of them."

"I'd like that very much."

"So would I. So this time, maybe we should face our differences and difficulties head-on rather than running from them."

"Sounds like a plan. Goodnight, Potter."

"Night, Malfoy."

//

They were both mildly surprised when they were awoken by the five-year-old. Harry, at first, just buried his face deeper into Draco's chest, but thankfully the blonde knew better and happily shoved Harry off the couch. Teddy giggled when Harry let out a yelp when he hit the ground, playfully glaring back up at Draco who simply shrugged his shoulders. "Good morning, Teddy, how did you sleep?" Draco asked the small child as he sat up.

"The bed was comfy. Can I have some breakfast?" Teddy crawled into Harry's lap after he'd sat up and gazed up at Draco expectantly.

"Course, what would you like?" Harry replied, poking the boy in the ribs, making him squeal with laughter.

"Pancakes!" He exclaimed. Draco and Harry shared a brief glance.

"Are you sure you want pancakes?"

"Yes!" Draco sighed and got up to go into the kitchen.

"Draco, have you ever made pancakes before?"

"No."

"Are you sure doing it now is a good idea?"

"Nope."

"Are you going to do it anyway?"

"You bet your arse I am!" Harry sighed and turned back to Teddy, who was looking at his godfather with wide eyes.

"Well Teddy, get prepared to evacuate the building in case your cousin burns the whole building down." Teddy's eyes widened. 

"He won't-"

"I heard that!"

"Of course, he won't actually burn down the building, don't worry, dear." Teddy's eyes went back to their normal size and he crawled out of Harry's lap and ran into the kitchen to watch Draco as he attempted to make the three of them pancakes. Harry sighed and pushed himself off the ground to go watch Draco burn the pancakes, or completely fuck up the batter. He wasn't sure what, but he knew something would go wrong.

He sat on the counter on the other side of the kitchen after setting Teddy up there as well. "How long do you think it'll be until he completely messes it up?" Harry whispered to Teddy, who was still watching Draco curiously

"I'd say ten minutes," Teddy replied in a voice not as quite as quiet as Harry's was.

"Really? I was thinking more like five." Teddy giggled and Draco turned around to glare at the two of them playfully.

"I've made waffles before so-"

"When did you make waffles? I hadn't had them before I came here!"

"My mother used to love them, she always told me they were better than pancakes. She liked how light and fluffy they were." 

"Sounds like your mother."

"Who? Cissy?" Teddy wondered, glancing at the two of them.

"Yep, she's my mother. Your grandmother's sister, making her your mother's aunt." 

"I'm related to her?" Harry grinned. Hadn't he realized this? What did Narcissa tell him? Or rather, what did _Andromeda_ tell him? "Cool!"

And that morning was the start of something none of them had anticipated. Draco never expected to be a guardian of a child, but here he was cooking breakfast for one. Harry always knew he'd eventually take custody of the small boy, but he had never expected it to be so soon, not that he was complaining, of course. And Teddy, he never expected to be up in the morning with his Uncle Harry, teasing a family member he hadn't previously known about.

//

The next night they slept on the couch again, sharing brief words and small kissing and hand touches, wondering how this was going to work out. Harry knew that having a child at an age like this was not something Draco had particularly wanted, but after babysitting Rose as often as he did after Harry had moved, he imagined a five-year-old wouldn't be too much work for the ex-Slytherin.

"Are we moving back, Harry? Or are we going back?" Draco asked him. Of course, Draco wanted to move back. As lovely (not really, Draco was still trying to convince himself) as America was, it wasn't home. And he was ready to go home.

"Well, I had it in my mind that we were moving. I've spent my year here, and you've spent your time here... I'm ready to go back. But, if you'd rather stay, I'll stay with you. I don't think I can lose you again." Draco smiled and ran his thumb across the back of Harry's hand.

"I want to move back too. I want to buy a house and I want us to give Teddy a proper home. I want to marry you one day, I want... I think I want us to have children of our own someday. I don't want us to be separated and hanging on by a thread anymore, Harry, I want us to be a family." 

"A family... I never had one of those."

"You know what, Harry? Neither did I. Well, I suppose I did. But I didn't have a proper, happy family. I want to give Teddy what neither of us had. I don't ever want him to feel the pain of neglect or the fear that maybe he isn't good enough for us. I don't want him to feel the need to please us so we actually love him."

"I want that more than anything else. Do you really think we can give him a life like that?"

"Oh, Harry, I know we can."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I messed up Teddy's age, but it's easier to write about him a little older. I'm sorry!


End file.
